Diversity essay, ahh!

[faerie62]

So uh, could I get some feedback on these two ideas...? xD
#1: Could talk about being bi + raised by incredibly conservative/Asian parents and dealing with the conflicting values between myself and my family.
#2: I write fiction (I haven't published anything, though I am minoring in creative writing) and uh, I play roleplaying games as a hobby. I've a leadership position in my school's D&D club. I was going to talk about how these two hobbies introduced me to a lot of people with diverse interests, etc. but not sure how the gaming hobby would be perceived.

Please don't eat me I'm usually just a lurker on these forums..

[E] and also, is there anyone out there who would be interested in swapping essays for review? :0

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[vrazzles]

IMO, 1 is way better.

 

[Goro]

So uh, could I get some feedback on these two ideas...? xD
#1: Could talk about being bi + raised by incredibly conservative/Asian parents and dealing with the conflicting values between myself and my family.
#2: I write fiction (I haven't published anything, though I am minoring in creative writing) and uh, I play roleplaying games as a hobby. I've a leadership position in my school's D&D club. I was going to talk about how these two hobbies introduced me to a lot of people with diverse interests, etc. but not sure how the gaming hobby would be perceived.

Please don't eat me I'm usually just a lurker on these forums..

[E] and also, is there anyone out there who would be interested in swapping essays for review? :0

#1 all the way. Gotta show off that resilience.

#2 is too likely to have readers question your maturity.

 

[workaholic181]

Concur with the others. I’d be happy to read your essay if you PM me.

 

[FutureDoc2005]

I can also take a look, #1 is better

 

[faerie62]

Thank you guys for the feedback and the offers! I'll definitely take you 2 up on it when I'm done

 

[faerie62]

Apologies for the double post but actually I can't PM either of you xD Would there be anyone else willing to look over my essay? <3 I'd greatly appreciate.