Disadvantaged status on MCAT

[medschoolgirl2016]

Hello, This is my essay but I am having a hard time fixing it.


"A first generation Latina student with aspirations of becoming a doctor. My mom; a single mother and an immigrant, supporting her four children with the help of government assistance. My mom struggled to maintain us but above it all ensured that we prioritized school. I’ve had a job since the age of 13, working during the summer until I turned 16 and was able to work during the school year. School was always a challenge, even though I learned English at a very young age, I was bullied for having an accent during high school but as I grew older, I learned to embrace it as it. College didn’t seem like an option to me but I discovered that my disadvantages were a gift allowing me be eligible to attend higher education. During my second semester at MCLA , my maternal grandmother in Dominican Republic passed away, this was a hard time for my family, I feel behind in classes that semester as I was more focused with what was going on at home instead off my studies. Every year I made sure to retake the classes that I did not do well in. Determination has kept me going through my difficult journey to becoming a doctor."

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[DokterMom]

Saw you posted this on a long dead thread and will repeat my answer from that other thread as well --

The disadvantaged essay is a deeply personal essay which needs to come straight from the heart and gut, and not from the intellectual side of the brain. Passive-structure sentences with five-dollar words distance you from your painful experiences and diminish the difficulty of your circumstances. I understand the desire to sound professional and not bitter or overly emotional, but you can be factual, plain-spoken, and literate at the same time. Strive for that.

@medschoolgirl2016 - Your tone is direct, factual and appropriate, which is good. But your grammar and sentence structure need some pretty serious work. I'd suggest some written English classes at your local community college help you overcome this obstacle.