Depressed intern.....

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ocean11

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Hey guys.... I feel sinful complaining about my life... b/c I'm at a fantastic program working with nice people. I just feel so dumb and incompetent. I don't know anyone in this city, miss my family and friends, barely get to sleep. My schedule is brutal, simply brutal. I don't even have time to read and try to actually learn what I'm doing! Will I ever get better? will I ever be happy again? I just want to ride my bike outside and enjoy the weather and maybe have a fun lunch on the beach with friends. I want to see my cat who is thousands of miles away.:(

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Everyone who has some insight feels dumb and incompetent at the beginning of internship. You should. Its safer. Fear makes you learn.

Everyone who moves away from family, friends and their cat is homesick. Perhaps your cat could come and visit, or even stay with you? Cats are ideal for single residents as they are much more independent than dogs and are nice to come home to when you're tired.

Residency does require some concessions on your part; you cannot run off and go riding your bike on the beach with your friends whenever you want, you are more tired than you'd like to be and you have to schedule things like grocery shopping and laundry. Unfortunately, that's part of adulthood...we can't do all the fun things we did when we were kids.

While you will probably never be as free and easy as you were when you were younger, being organized will go a long way toward being more efficient and giving you more time to enjoy yourself. That may mean doing all your banking and bill paying on-line, photocopying chapters in a review book and carrying it in your pocket to read during downtime, doing laundry in shifts, etc.

It will almost assuredly get better and I'll get some of your colleagues are feeling the same thing. Taking call and being new and alone in town are terrific bonding experiences. And those experiences are what keep you going when it gets even rougher.

best of luck to you....
 
true. the combination of a new and challenging job combined with not knowing anyone is a tough combination at first. Things will improve on all fronts. You'll get more comfortable with your job, and you'll meet some people and get into a groove. Good luck.
 
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Hey guys.... I feel sinful complaining about my life... b/c I'm at a fantastic program working with nice people. I just feel so dumb and incompetent. I don't know anyone in this city, miss my family and friends, barely get to sleep. My schedule is brutal, simply brutal. I don't even have time to read and try to actually learn what I'm doing! Will I ever get better? will I ever be happy again? I just want to ride my bike outside and enjoy the weather and maybe have a fun lunch on the beach with friends. I want to see my cat who is thousands of miles away.:(



Yeah, I'd go nuts if I didn't have my kitty at home with me. Hope you get him/her back soon!
 
Hey guys.... feel sinful complaining about my life... b/c I'm at a fantastic program working with nice people. I just feel so dumb and incompetent. I don't know anyone in this city, miss my family and friends, barely get to sleep. My schedule is brutal, simply brutal. I don't even have time to read and try to actually learn what I'm doing! Will I ever get better? will I ever be happy again? I just want to ride my bike outside and enjoy the weather and maybe have a fun lunch on the beach with friends. I want to see my cat who is thousands of miles away.:(

Honestly, if I remember your rank list . . . its hard for me to fell THAT sorry for you :D. You know what? Sign me up for dumb and incompetent too (I'm not, but it sure does feel that way). I know no one here either, but the people I've met have been really nice. But there isn't a lot of time for anything but work right now, and I've wrapped my mind around the fact that this is just the way it is and it seems to help.

I guess for me the two things that have really made a difference in my attitude is 1) acceptance - I decided I am supposed to feel overwhelmed, scared, dumb, incompetent, and 2) I've made a gratitude list - it's really freaking cool to be doing what we're doing, and at the the end of the day I have my health, a place to live, a car to drive, etc. and I figure it's can't be all the bad.

Persevere! This too shall pass . . .
 
i remember i cried on the way home from every call july of intern year. it will get better. you will get faster and more efficient. the level of knowledge a medical intern should have is found in pocket medicine. just read the page in pocket medicine on the major problems that your patient has. read up to date. subscribe to the nejm and try to read that while working out. hang in there!
 
it WILL get better. I think the first 10 days or so of internship, esp. if you're on a hard rotation like ICU or even wards, are absolutely soul crushing. You don't know anyone or anything (and I'm not talking medical stuff here. I'm talking about where the cafeteria is, how to look up labs, etc, etc). You're getting paged and asked about stuff all the time that somehow you're magically supposed to know. It is very very hard. It is COMPLETELY normal to feel sad and overwhelmed at the beginning. If an new intern told me they were all jumping for joy and totally happy, I'd think they were crazy (and probably a little dangerous).

Hang in there. And don't hesitate to ask for help....just be careful about who you ask.
 
Hey guys.... I feel sinful complaining about my life... b/c I'm at a fantastic program working with nice people. I just feel so dumb and incompetent. I don't know anyone in this city, miss my family and friends, barely get to sleep. My schedule is brutal, simply brutal. I don't even have time to read and try to actually learn what I'm doing! Will I ever get better? will I ever be happy again? I just want to ride my bike outside and enjoy the weather and maybe have a fun lunch on the beach with friends. I want to see my cat who is thousands of miles away.:(

You're not the only one. My program is pretty good, but I feel very useless, dumb, and inefficient. Tasks seem so simple to get done, but I always end up running around trying to get things finished on time. Hell, the nurses probably know more than I do about managing patients right now. I'm hoping it will get better too. :(
 
You're not the only one though who feels this way....

I just wish I was better at this job. Starting at a new place just sucks worse than normal because not only am I not sure of what order needs to have me talk to the radiology tech or not, I way more than half the time don't know what order to write. I spent 5 minutes yesterday deciding that butt cream for a post op peds patient was a ok. Seriously, this has to get better or I'm going to start popping my own PPIs down. Jeesh, I'm hoping that just showing up and getting the work done as fast and best as possibe (though still ridiculously slow) is enough not to get hammered in my end of rotation evaluation. Although at this point I feel like its going to be something like: willing to work hard but sucks bigtime.

I just can't wait for this rotation to be over so I can get back to the main hospital. And not look up normal vitals range for every freaking patient on a near daily basis. And not argue with parents about putting in IVs. And...ok I'll nip this one right now.

On the plus side only two more weeks, one day, and 6 calls left till I don't have to deal with pediatric surgery patients for another three years! :hardy:
 
Whew...maybe misery really loves company...but I definitely feel dumb and incompetent too...Yeheeey! #$%#$^#$ Weird...seriously, I am so lost. Like I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Even after my seniors point out the way to the labs, like 5 times, I still get lost and yes, I am getting pages like "where are you?" Horrrrrrrrridly embarassing. And it doesn't help that my servicemates are all familiar with the set up already--they did rotations there as medical students, so I am THAT lost intern. I've had a nurse grumble at me when I was just asking where I could find forms. I believe she told me, "I can't believe you don't even know that." Ouch...
And I am making really careless mistakes in my charting that are so embarassing I don't even want to put them here...
I'm mispronouncing and mispelling drug names...
I'm attending the wrong conferences...
I'm looking for things in the wrong places...
And oh yeah, I totally lost my pager...

I really wish I can make up for this. I'm trying to reason out that this is adjustment period on my part. I'm so embarassed because I think I might be putting a bad name for my medical school or whatever. I guess I'm just pretty down.

I do feel unwelcomed in my service, and I can't say I blame them. That's what hurts the most I think. Still, I find it odd that the attendings seem more understanding than some interns. I mean, I am totally envious that they have it so together...I just wish they had a little more compassion instead of looking at you like you are God's gift to weirdom. And I totally have a crush on that intern who sat beside me when no one else would :D I swear I feel I am in a bad teenage movie!

Ranting...

I just wanted to say I feel for you...and yes, I miss my friends, my family, my home and my kitty!
Good luck everyone!
 
I do feel unwelcomed in my service, and I can't say I blame them. That's what hurts the most I think. Still, I find it odd that the attendings seem more understanding than some interns. I mean, I am totally envious that they have it so together...I just wish they had a little more compassion instead of looking at you like you are God's gift to weirdom.

That is the story of my life right now. It seems like I'm always getting berated by someone, whether it is a senior resident, attending, nurse, or unit clerk. Even one of the film library clerks at my hospital seems to have a perpetual attitude. I try really hard to be nice to people and get along, but it seems like I always run into someone who wants to give me a hard time. Maybe it will get better once I get better at being an intern, but right now it really sucks.
 
Whew...maybe misery really loves company...but I definitely feel dumb and incompetent too...Yeheeey! #$%#$^#$ Weird...seriously, I am so lost. Like I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Even after my seniors point out the way to the labs, like 5 times, I still get lost and yes, I am getting pages like "where are you?" Horrrrrrrrridly embarassing. And it doesn't help that my servicemates are all familiar with the set up already--they did rotations there as medical students, so I am THAT lost intern. I've had a nurse grumble at me when I was just asking where I could find forms. I believe she told me, "I can't believe you don't even know that." Ouch...
And I am making really careless mistakes in my charting that are so embarassing I don't even want to put them here...
I'm mispronouncing and mispelling drug names...
I'm attending the wrong conferences...
I'm looking for things in the wrong places...
And oh yeah, I totally lost my pager...

I really wish I can make up for this. I'm trying to reason out that this is adjustment period on my part. I'm so embarassed because I think I might be putting a bad name for my medical school or whatever. I guess I'm just pretty down.

I do feel unwelcomed in my service, and I can't say I blame them. That's what hurts the most I think. Still, I find it odd that the attendings seem more understanding than some interns. I mean, I am totally envious that they have it so together...I just wish they had a little more compassion instead of looking at you like you are God's gift to weirdom. And I totally have a crush on that intern who sat beside me when no one else would :D I swear I feel I am in a bad teenage movie!

Ranting...

I just wanted to say I feel for you...and yes, I miss my friends, my family, my home and my kitty!
Good luck everyone!


damn u fail hard
 
damn u fail hard

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Oh, man, it's nice to see others are clueless. I feel like I'm starting over again as a med student, and am somehow dumber :oops:. Someone just showed me the physician's parking lot today :idea:. But I must admit, I started in the ICU, the schedule is not so bad (q4) and the nurses have been really good to us in terms of correcting our orders, helping us get it together, get a little sleep, etc. In fact, I am bringing in food for them tomorrow.

Also, I have to agree with jdh71 - I live 2 blocks from the beach and enjoy strolling along it, my family bought me a car for graduation that I adore, and I am finally working as a doctor. How many people get to have their dreams come true like that? Although, I can identify with Ocean11 - I miss my husband and friends on the other side of the country...+pity+
 
Oh, man, it's nice to see others are clueless. I feel like I'm starting over again as a med student, and am somehow dumber :oops:...
H24G, I have every confidence that you will just fine. :thumbup:

To the other interns, best of luck, and I hope it gets better for you.
 
damn u fail hard

ouch. yeah, this was my point on compassionate interns. sigh*
someday i hope i wont forget i was once a lost intern...which means i'd somehow get above and beyond this stage :D

good luck everyone!
 
ouch. yeah, this was my point on compassionate interns. sigh*
someday i hope i wont forget i was once a lost intern...which means i'd somehow get above and beyond this stage :D

good luck everyone!

whats the compassion for? this year is supposed to suck, especially if your not planning on sticking with medicine. Im a surgical minded person so right now im dying with the slow pace of my days. Also im more of a glorified secretary than a real doctor. I spend maybe 30 min with a pt per day if im lucky. the rest of the time im checking labs writing notes, and calling to f/u on consults. suck it up and do it! in time this too will pass
 
I'm feeling the pain too. First rotations are Wards and ICU/CCU at the local VA Hospital. Get alot of pages and they do expect you to know everything, including using the Electronic Medical Records system. I get that nervous pit in my stomach everytime my pager goes off. Keeps me humble and motivated though. :scared:
 
so sleepy. I came home last night and fell asleep with my face in the carpet. Stayed that way until my alarm went off. +pity+ A combination of inefficiency and my OCD tendencies don't allow me to sign out at a reasonable time...
 
so sleepy. I came home last night and fell asleep with my face in the carpet. Stayed that way until my alarm went off. +pity+ A combination of inefficiency and my OCD tendencies don't allow me to sign out at a reasonable time...

I hear you about the inefficiency. By the way, anyone else find themselves practically brain-dead post call and barely able to function enough to get the remaining tasks done? What I mean is, I can get the stuff done, but you wouldn't believe the effort required.
 
haha... i turn myself into the dumbest person alive in postcall rounds. i truly feel sorry for my senior who got stuck with me. i don't know what's wrong with me. I wonder if I can really hide bhind the no-sleep excuse. I don't think so. If I were in an episode of Scrubs I believe I would be shouting something like, "IM NOT REALLY THIS DUMB YOU KNOW!"
 
dont worry interns!! it will get better! You wont even notice yourself getting better and better with each day.

A few tips I can offer that worked well for me:

1. Sometimes you just have to babysit every order to make sure it gets done. If things dont get done, saying "but i ordered it" is not the right answer. (Especially if it's a stat order! If so, you have to actually walk over and see if it's getting done, and if not, harass people!).

2. Learn to prioritize well. It's an amazingly valuable skill, for interns as well as residents.

3. People can get easily confused. Write orders as clearly as you can--anticipate misunderstandings and nip them in the bud, even if you have to be redundant and write the same thing in a couple different ways (just like i did right now ;) ). If you think something sounds especially confusing or equivocal, or can be understood a couple different ways, you should actually talk to the nurse and/or secretary (as appropriate) and make sure he or she understands what you have in mind. But to be able to do this, you have to always be thinking about how what you say or write might come across to the person carrying out your order. This is a challenge that not everyone is good at, but if you are able to do this, your life will be that much easier because you wont get paged a million times for clarifications and you wont need to reorder things dozens of times, and less errors will be made on your patients.

4. Document! One of the purposes of documenting is to defend your plan. Write your notes with that in mind. You are building a case for your plan within every note. The other purpose of documenting is to keep track of things. Never copy paste mindlessly. If you do that, look through what you pasted and make sure you know what's in there and that it's updated. whatever you do, NEVER EVER copy paste from other people, it's cheap and shows you didn't bother to learn the story--that's a dangerous thing. You can copy paste from yourself, but just make sure you do what i wrote above. Also, write actual dates (date of admission, date of transfer to the floor or to the ICU, day x of y antibiotic, date of a surgery (POD#n s/p abc surgery) in each note. You will THANK yourself.

5. When you consult a subspecialty service, it is VERY IMPORTANT to have the right question for them. This is not something to be taken lightly because (#1) they might not address the issue in question and (#2) they might question the need for the consult. As such, if you want to consult a service talk to your resident first. Sometimes the resident will need to even talk to the attending before placing the consult. It's that serious of a decision. Also, there is a certain etiquette to placing the consult. If you decide late in the day on placing a consult, if the issue is not urgent (urgent i.e. brisk GI bleeds, impending need for dialysis, acute stroke, acute MI, etc), wait until the next morning to place the consult. Because often the policy on the consult services is, if they hear about the patient, they have to see them that day. So, if you call at 3-4pm, the consultants will grumble. Of course if it's an urgent issue they will yell at you if you DELAY calling! This does require some judgement, so it's good to ask your resident for guidance especially in the beginning until you get the idea or whenever things seem equivocal.

6. Lots of things and ways of doing things are learned through sheer experience. Sometimes you can be ahead of the game by listening to your resident's advice and/or seeing how your resident does things. I was really lucky to have true role models for residents (for the most part), but you can learn even from weaker ones. Even seeing how you DONT want to do things is a learning experience, but all in all, whatever your resident is like, they got through intern year, and thus they usually have more insight into how things are supposed to work on the floors (or in the ICU). That said, the worst residents are the ones who are not interested in doing anything, nor giving advice, so for them this is a moot point.

7. It's better to err on the side of being more thorough than less thorough. However, sometimes you just have to accept that you cant do everything you'd like to. This is where the ability to prioritize is key.

8. If in doubt about ANYTHING no matter how small, ask your resident first. First try to find the answer yourself of course (if you have time to. . .if a patient is crashing, then dont worry about trying to find the answer, just ASK.), but even if you think you know, it doesn't hurt to just consult with your resident to make sure what you want to do is cool. Sometimes you might not have considered some consequence or interaction that your resident has seen happen in the past. You will not be judged for asking.

9. One of the major goals of intern year is learning how to recognize the various degrees of sick.

Seriously though, you guys are doing better than you think! I'm sure my interns feel inadequate often, especially when they realize they ordered something wrong or something didn't get done, and when I try to show them the right way to do it, or when i point out the mistake. But they are doing just fine. I am just trying to help them develop good habits that will serve them well the rest of the month, and year, and residency! I love interns, you are my helpers! So CHEER UP! And take things in stride. . .
 
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thank you, that was a very encouraging post. i have moments where i'm overwhelmed by just how much everyone knows (attendings and seniors), and i wonder if i'll ever be at that level. it's tiring to even think about that amount of knowledge i need to aquire.

but then again, you don't start out your first semester of med school stressing about step 2. one day at a time, just breathe!!
 
Just breathe :)

I cant blieve how any time I played this song...oer and oer with that line. I don't even now the title...:laugh:
 
To Workaholics Anon:

Thanks a lot for your advice and encouragement. It was very helpful, and I'll definitely keep it in mind throughout my residency. I find that right now I'm learning something new every day. Hopefully, I'll come out of this year being a completely different physician (in a good way, of course) than I was going in.
 
Hey guys.... I feel sinful complaining about my life... b/c I'm at a fantastic program working with nice people. I just feel so dumb and incompetent. I don't know anyone in this city, miss my family and friends, barely get to sleep. My schedule is brutal, simply brutal. I don't even have time to read and try to actually learn what I'm doing! Will I ever get better? will I ever be happy again? I just want to ride my bike outside and enjoy the weather and maybe have a fun lunch on the beach with friends. I want to see my cat who is thousands of miles away.:(
I look forward to residency. What's the benefit to friends anyway?
 
i am looking at you...
and i realize i will be you next year
**** the anxiety is already eating me alive


hang in there, i hope for your sake (and mine )you will feel better - keep us updated in a few weeks.
 
Internship is not all that different from the experience of third year medical school. The first time walking into the hospital as a third year, one is scared and doesn't know what to do. First time intern, one walks into the hospital and being called a doctor...and it doesn't sound right...he or she doesnt feel comfortable writing orders in the chart...

...I remember my few weeks...didn't know anywhere in the hosptal and didn't feel comfortable placing orders...but almost two months in, it's becoming part of life...I am on medicine call right now for crying out lound!

Proph...
 
Ocean,I promise...it really does get better. And I'm not talking about two-years-down-the-road-you'll-look-back-at-this-and-laugh better, I mean in the next month or so it will get better.

I too moved to a new city for residency. I would come home after work and cry, partly because I was homesick, partly because I was miserable, and partly because I was so mad that I couldn't be the cool, uber-competent intern I had envisioned myself being from Day #1.

Most days I felt like the poster child for idiocy in the surgery department, and even the other interns looked like Osler Juniors when I compared myself to them.* There was one very, very bad day in late August when I got blamed for something an off-service intern did (and didn't stick up for myself) and a particularly acerbic chief blamed me for killing a patient.* I had a total meltdown and half-talked myself into quitting residency.

Obviously I stuck it out, and I'm so glad I did. Internship is totally MS-3 year all over again. It seems impossible, it's frustrating and emotionally draining, and then suddenly you figure it all out and realize you're halfway done.

Some of the things that helped me were:

1. Make time for family. Unless there are supremely unusual circumstances, I call one of my family members (usually mom or sis) every day even just for a quick hi.* I make it back home every time I have a vacation, and I always let my family know my schedule for each rotation so they can plan the occasional visit for my golden weekends.

2. Get your cat back! I don't know how people manage to have a dog during residency, but cats do just fine with you gone all day, and are so happy to see you when you get back.* At the end of a long day, sometimes it's just so comforting to flop down on the couch and give my kitty a big hug.

3. Make time for the activities you want to do.* Yes, you're post-call and exhausted, but you can take a three-hour nap and then get on your bike and explore your new city.* Go to the beach and lay out in the sun.* Check out an art museum.* Go to Chowhound.com, make a list of the great local restaurants in your area, and then try one new one every week or so.* Having a (semblance of) life outside residency takes a huge effort (esp during internship) but I promise you, limiting your year to the path between your bed and the hospital is a recipe for a bad case of the intern blues.* Commit to doing one non-medical related activity for an hour or two each week, even if you have to kick yourself in the arse to do it.

4. When all else fails, realize your life really is like a year-long Scrubs episode right now, try to see the humor in it all, and know that this too shall pass.* Good luck!
 
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