Confused about my life!

[anavistas]

I'm so sad,desperate and hopeless right now ....I really don't know what should I do...
My plan was to take pre_reqs while studying for MS and they apply to med school (as an international student).
I decided to keep this secrect for 2 3 years when I was applying for MS in US.
Then because people were asking me why don't you apply for PhD when you might lose your F1 visa and put yourself in trouble! I just told some ppl around me and my parents that I want to study medicine...I thought I'll become less nervous when I don't have to keep such a secret(I'm a very anxious and nervous ,my avater is really me!always scared of something)
Then suddenly everybody started to discourage me,my mom said don't even think of it because it's crazy and you can't do it...you should just get your PhD,others said you are an international student and you can't really do whatever you want ,be realistic,others said you are old and you had to decide sooner and now you can't change it...,some said you just like being a doctor to say you can ,not because you like it................
Being a doctor is what I really want and without it I can't even think of living ...what kept me motivated about life was hoping to study medicine someday...I'm really unhappy about what I'm doing now and I really don't want to get my PhD in this field and do it for the rest of my life...but with all these discouraging comments I'm thinking maybe I can't even do it,
I'm good at science cousres and did well in pre_reqs till now but I'm not sure if I can handle verbal ,and something else is that I was never used to study a lot and I don't know if I can handle studying for 7 8 hours a day.
To be honest from when I was a child I thought I'm so clever,exceptional,talented....,now I think I'm so dumb,weak and crazy...
I don't have any motivation other than going to medical school and I think if I don't do it I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life....right now I see all my life is ruined ....
Can you tell me how should I find out if my love is real or not?It's what many ppl tell me that you don't really love it.
Then how much studying is required in medschool ,like 100 200 ...pages a day,and how can I find out if I can do it or not?
Is it really realistic for an international non-trad to do this?that's what many others tell me it's not ...
Sorry for all my English mistakes I can't compose my mind and write...

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[The Letter J]

You have to do what is right for you. You only get one go around in life.

If you want this bad enough, you can make it happen.

 

[Prestone]

"Brick walls are there for a reason; they let us prove how badly we really want something."

 

[murfettie]

verbal sucks, but it can be conquered.
one year, the highest raw GRE score went to a Chinese guy, this guy can't even really speak English, but he just drilled enough that he owned the GRE.
the only real problem I see is your immigration status, it will be difficult if you don't get a green card someway in the next couple years.

 

[ayushman80]

There are a few US Medical Schools (MD and DO) that accept international students. Some of these are very competitive. What you need to do is:

1) Do Very Well on the MCAT (at least a 30 with a 9 or above in verbal).
2) I have worked with www.admissionsconsultants.com and have had really good success so far. They are expensive but in the end it is worth the price IMO. Oh!, I forgot to say the most important thing, they help prepare your application.
3) Your visa is a bit of a problem. I am not sure how to extend that.
However, you may want to contact these people:
http://www.gotomedschool.com . They work with foreign medical school students. They may have advice you find valuable.

I hope that everything works out for you. All us nontrads have had to get through some very tough times to get a shot at practicing medicine. You've got a lot of friends here on SDN rooting for you. Best of luck!

 

[NTF]

I'm so sad,desperate and hopeless right now ....I really don't know what should I do...

(I'm a very anxious and nervous ,my avater is really me!always scared of something)

Being a doctor is what I really want and without it I can't even think of living ...

To be honest from when I was a child I thought I'm so clever,exceptional,talented....,now I think I'm so dumb,weak and crazy...

I don't have any motivation other than going to medical school and I think if I don't do it I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life....right now I see all my life is ruined ....

OP, I found all of these comments in your post rather troubling. I think you are putting a tremendous amount of strain on yourself. I really think you should seek out professional counseling. Especially, since it seems that your family isn't really a source of comfort right now. Having an unbiased and non-judgemental person to talk to and listen to you can be an extremely important resource that you shouldn't shy away from.

We've all nurtured deep-rooted dreams of medical careers, but you have to be very careful about getting fatalistic about all this stuff. It's a wide and various world and life throws you curve balls and you still have to try live happy and make a meaningful contribution. Case in point, a friend of mine graduated medical school, but was diagnosed with MS in his second year. By the time he was interviewing for residencies he was visibly impaired by his disease. All the residencies turned him down outright as being physically unable to meet the demands of their residency requirements. He had to adapt and continues to work in consulting and education in public health. He always dreamed of becoming an orthopedic surgeon, but he continues to try to cherish the life he has left and make meaningful contributions.
With the fatalistic emotional tack you've taken you'll turn your pursuit into a torturous ordeal.
Life shouldn't be a mad sprinting escape from failure, but the pursuit of joy.

All that being said, I do think your dreams are doable and attainable. But it won't be easy and the less emotional baggage you burden yourself with the better. Remember this is an adventure. Focus yourself on the particulars of what you need to get done. The prereqs, addressing your visa status, doing well on the MCATs.

As a good starting point here is an article I found on an SDN post about various medical schools policies on international applicants. It's three years old but a good beginning. Remember, as an international applicant you'll be ineligible for federal educational loans. You'll probably want to focus yourself (unless you're independently wealthy) on MD/PHD programs that provide full funding for international students.

Here's the article.
http://www.fiu.edu/~preprofc/International_Students_School_Policies.htm

Good Luck! We will all be rooting for you. Don't lose heart. I'm positive there are posters on SDN who became medical students as international applicants and waded through the process.

 

[sindadel]

I agree with nontradfogie about the counselling. Since you are in graduate school, your university no doubt provides some free counselling services to its students. It should be easy for you to access someone to talk to. It will be much easier to sort out all of your conflicting desires and pressures in person than on a message board.

Hang in there.

 

[PunkmedGirl]

Anavistas, we've talked before and as you can see others agree with me about you being able to attain this dream, but you NEED TO BREATHE!!!! (sorry for the shouting) Stop getting so bent out of shape and discouraged because of what someone said you can or cannot do in YOUR life. No one and I MEAN NO ONE can tell you how to live your life you have to make that decision and committment for yourself. Do YOU want to be a doctor?? Well first and foremost you need to start acting like you are going to be a doctor someday and stop this moping around with thoughts that contradict that. And I am giving you these harsh words because I really do care about you succeeding in becoming a doctor. If you decide that becoming a doctor is really not for you then that's fine also but the key point is YOU DECIDE not someone else.

Ok I'm done mothering
Much love

 

[anavistas]

Thanks everybody ,for all the help and support,

Some said you shouldn't care about what others say,right now I'm doubting about my abilities,my problem is with myself not with other people,
I'm afraid I do something I'm not capable of,that's why I asked pre_meds or med students especially non_trads tell me how much studying it needs,I had a strong memory when I was younger (I think I don't have it anymore),but I was never studying a lot so I don't know if I'm capable of studying 8 9 hours a day or not, I'm sure I can't pull overnighter which seems to be a requirement for medschool!

Thanks ayushman80 for your practical advice and all the love and support,I defenitely will go trough them.

nontradfogie unfortunately what you said is right,I'm just afraid of failing and that's why I'm always stressed out.I wanted to be a successful person from when I was a child ,I was always fantasizing about my future,I now feel I don't have a lot of time and I hate becoming a useless person.
I know how this stress is damaging my body ,I tried to tell myself I shouldn't care about future,and I should have lower expectations from myself ,I thought this will work but deep inside I knew I'm lying to myself ,achieving all I wanted was important to me.

Thaks punkmedgirl for mothering since I'm so far from my family.

I agree I should see a counselor.

 

[ayushman80]

Thanks everybody ,for all the help and support,

Some said you shouldn't care about what others say,right now I'm doubting about my abilities,my problem is with myself not with other people,
I'm afraid I do something I'm not capable of,that's why I asked pre_meds or med students especially non_trads tell me how much studying it needs,I had a strong memory when I was younger (I think I don't have it anymore),but I was never studying a lot so I don't know if I'm capable of studying 8 9 hours a day or not, I'm sure I can't pull overnighter which seems to be a requirement for medschool!

Thanks ayushman80 for your practical advice and all the love and support,I defenitely will go trough them.

nontradfogie unfortunately what you said is right,I'm just afraid of failing and that's why I'm always stressed out.I wanted to be a successful person from when I was a child ,I was always fantasizing about my future,I now feel I don't have a lot of time and I hate becoming a useless person.
I know how this stress is damaging my body ,I tried to tell myself I shouldn't care about future,and I should have lower expectations from myself ,I thought this will work but deep inside I knew I'm lying to myself ,achieving all I wanted was important to me.

Thaks punkmedgirl for mothering since I'm so far from my family.

I agree I should see a counseller.

Unless you are 50+ your brain probably isn't slowing down or losing its ability to absorb or concentrate Trust me, I've met some sharp fogies (no pun intended nontradfogie ). There are natural supplements that you can take (buy from GNC for like $15) to help with this. None of us are getting any younger. Its better to start the education now, before we reach that 50+ age

If you are in the right mindset and have the proper motivation you will be able to focus for hours on end. Medical school will be a LOT of studying. But its nothing to be afraid of. If we're gonna be working on people we should be trained well. Have faith in yourself. You'll do just fine. Best of Luck!

 

[p30doc]

To be honest from when I was a child I thought I'm so clever,exceptional,talented....,now I think I'm so dumb,weak and crazy...
I don't have any motivation other than going to medical school and I think if I don't do it I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life....right now I see all my life is ruined ....

#1. Please try to talk to a psychological counselor it sounds like you have some things that you need to work through that would make you happier on a daily basis.
#2. You can't base your happiness on having a dream come true, if medicine doesn't work out for you, find something else that you like and do it. There are a lot of other careers in the medical field besides doctor as well. In the end it is a job, life is about more than your career. Try to have some perspective and look at the bigger picture.

Best of luck!