Applying to internship with a school-age child(ren) - partner won't move

[Lazysusan]

I live in a geographically desirable location, and am worried about having to move out of state in order to match. My co-parent/ex-partner is not receptive moving, and honestly, I'm worried about uprooting my son's life for a place we won't move to permanently. Has anyone navigated this situation before?

I welcome any wisdom you may have to offer... 🙏

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[summerbabe]

How competitive of a candidate do you think you are (reputable program, above average stats, well rounded experiences, dissertation proposed/data collected)?

I personally haven't been in your situation but if you don't match and there aren't acceptable phase 2 & clearinghouse options, you may need to weigh options such as withdrawing from match to stay in school for another year (to gain more experience and be more competitive next cycle) or consider unaccredited options.

The latter (if allowed by your program) may pose future difficulties such as limiting employment through certain government positions that require or strongly prefer an accredited internship and increased licensure difficulty in some jurisdictions so I would tread carefully. But if your future plans are very likely in the private practice realm, the risks might be more palatable.

As for your application cycle, I would apply to as many geographically desirable locations that are at least a decent fit clinically, including applying to more than the recommended amount.

The stats generally suggest that applying to more than 16 or 18 sites doesn't improve your odds of matching but for people who are looking for something very specific, that's one of the only options within your control during this phase of the process.

I would also consider whether it's possible to slightly expand your geographical range to include living elsewhere during the week but being able to spend weekends at home for a year (eg the drive from the SF Bay Area to Reno or any 2 places that offer lots of daily cheap nonstop flights). Good luck!

 

[PsyDr]

Outside of psychologist specific advice from summerbabe, I would look through SDN's forums. There are several threads about handling custody issues, when moving to another location, for residency or medical school.

(I like summerbabe's taste in music, but really hate calling someone "babe")

 

[Pragma]

Outside of psychologist specific advice from summerbabe, I would look through SDN's forums. There are several threads about handling custody issues, when moving to another location, for residency or medical school.

(I like summerbabe's taste in music, but really hate calling someone "babe")

I just had a female pharmacist tech call me “babe” thrice in one interaction!

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

But Babe, why is that a problem?

 

[sparklepsych]

Having moved cross-country with school-aged children and a partner, I can't imagine doing internship as a single parent. It's a lot for just one year when you think about schools, moving expenses, and the adjustment for kids. Somebody once told me that there are three factors that are relevant for training: personal (family), career, and location. Getting one out of three is ideal, two out of three is great, and all three is unheard off. Sending support. This is so hard. This is a system/systematic challenge of having a one year residency.

 

[psych.meout]

Having moved cross-country with school-aged children and a partner, I can't imagine doing internship as a single parent. It's a lot for just one year when you think about schools, moving expenses, and the adjustment for kids. Somebody once told me that there are three factors that are relevant for training: personal (family), career, and location. Getting one out of three is ideal, two out of three is great, and all three is unheard off. Sending support. This is so hard. This is a system/systematic challenge of having a one year residency.

I got all three. Skill issue?

 

[WisNeuro]

I got all three. Skill issue?

Doable, seen it done, just harder, as one would expect. Limits choices somewhat. It's no different than a lot of life challenges with children on board.

 

[sparklepsych]

I got all three. Skill issue?

Trying to be supportive here. I think as therapists we all know that these decisions are rarely straightforward and that using value-based rankings can help guide us. I'm happy that you were able to get the perfect placement, in terms of professional goals, family logistics, and geographical constraints. Many of us are not that fortunate and in fact, you are the only parent I have met who felt they didn't have to make any concessions during the psychology training process.

 

[WisNeuro]

Trying to be supportive here. I think as therapists we all know that these decisions are rarely straightforward and that using value-based rankings can help guide us. I'm happy that you were able to get the perfect placement, in terms of professional goals, family logistics, and geographical constraints. Many of us are not that fortunate and in fact, you are the only parent I have met who felt they didn't have to make any concessions during the psychology training process.

Being a parent requires concession sin most facets of life. I don't see this any differently. Being a parent is a choice, one that comes with many consequences. This is nothing specific to psychology training.

 

[sparklepsych]

Being a parent requires concession sin most facets of life. I don't see this any differently. Being a parent is a choice, one that comes with many consequences. This is nothing specific to psychology training.

If you truly believe that there are no specific barriers to parents in psychology training, particularly the internship match process, I would encourage you to practice some self-reflection and seek consultation from trainees who are parents. OP, sending lots of support during this time. I see you and know that you are doing your best.

 

[WisNeuro]

If you truly believe that there are no specific barriers to parents in psychology training, particularly the internship match process, I would encourage you to practice some self-reflection and seek consultation from trainees who are parents. OP, sending lots of support during this time. I see you and know that you are doing your best.

Parents in training operate under the same issues/rules that non-parents have. My comment was to the point that being a parent is difficult, and it's difficult in many ways, whether that be educational choices, occupational choices, etc. Psychology training is no different here. There are certain constraints, constraints that are public knowledge, and that can be navigated in different ways.

 

[tr]

I live in a geographically desirable location, and am worried about having to move out of state in order to match. My co-parent/ex-partner is not receptive moving, and honestly, I'm worried about uprooting my son's life for a place we won't move to permanently. Has anyone navigated this situation before?

I welcome any wisdom you may have to offer... 🙏

Who is the custodial parent? If it's you, why can't your ex-partner be the custodial parent for the year until you finish internship?

 

[Sanman]

Outside of psychologist specific advice from summerbabe, I would look through SDN's forums. There are several threads about handling custody issues, when moving to another location, for residency or medical school.

(I like summerbabe's taste in music, but really hate calling someone "babe")

Even Babe Ruth?

 

[bcliff]

Are you seeking generalist or specialist training? If the latter, maybe consider broadening your horizons for internship with the hope of securing a more specialized fellowship, which is often a less competitive landscape.

This can be tricky in certain fields, like neuropsychology, where the expectation is specialized training at both internship and fellowship. Other fields, like rehabilitation and geropsychology, may be easier to make this happen.

FWIW, I would personally never consider or recommend that someone else consider an unaccredited internship. My doctoral program required an accredited internship to graduate, so it wasn't even a possibility for me or my peers.

Good luck!

 

[Sanman]

You need to play the long game instead of the short game if location and parenting is an issue. I know folks who picked location over everything on internship. The problem with that is you may get stuck on the next steps and may need to move then. The best option, IMO, is to consider all the places that might work for you for several years, pick sites with post-doc/job opportunities that can keep you on for three years and don't pick the most competitive specialties. If you are reasonably competitive candidate with no black marks, you should not be locked out of any larger metro completely. If it is something like Hawaii with few slots per geographic region, good luck.