Anxiety about moving across the country

[paveldatsyuk]

The thing I'm the most worried about is that I'm moving very far away from my family and friends (from CA to CT). I've never been outside of the west coast. I got in off the waitlist so I wasn't able to find any housemates since everyone had already found housing. I ended up finding a studio on the outskirts of town, which actually isn't too bad since its about a 10 minute drive from campus. Most of the other students are living with other students in the semi-sketchy downtown area though (like 15-20 min from campus) so I wonder if I might get kind of lonely.

Typically I'm not one to get lonely; I have a good time doing things on my own i.e. I exercise a lot and enjoy video games, blogging, and reading. I guess I'm just kind of worried that not having my family and friends around might make me feel like I have no other option but to do things by myself. I know I'm gonna make a ton of friends in school, but since many of them will be living with other people, I'll probably not be part of their "friends groups". Am I overthinking it? Has anyone had a similar experience? What did you do to avoid feeling lonely? Should I start playing less single player video games and get more into games that require teamwork with people online?

Oh yeah, also I heard it's cold as balls and snows a lot. I've never seen snow, outside of the hockey rink when the ice isn't groomed for a while. My car has some issues in cold weather (oil dilution), so I hope I don't get boned in the middle of the winter.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Redpancreas]

What’s your question here?

 

[paveldatsyuk]

What’s your question here?

The sentences with the question marks after them

 

[Redpancreas]

The sentences with the question marks after them

I knew that response was coming, but I'll repeat what's the actual thing we can discuss here? This just reads as your own giant introspection. How does anything written change your decisions? Are you mainly looking for reassurance? I’m not trying to be sarcastic.

I reread your post and there are exactly two question marks with one being rhetorical. Yes. I think if you’re lonely perhaps multi-player games may help.

@M&L any thoughts?

@paveldatsyuk ,I like your profile pic!

 

[paveldatsyuk]

How do they change your decisions? Are you mainly looking for reassurance? I’m not trying to be sarcastic.

I reread your post. Yes. I think if you’re lonely perhaps multi-player games may help.

@M&L any thoughts?

I guess I’m just looking for anyone who had a similar experience to give me their insight I.e. what they found helpful in moving far away from their family and friends and living alone without housemates

 

[Osteosaur]

Should I start playing less single player video games and get more into games that require teamwork with people online?

I think that can be a very good way to reconnect with old friends. I found it pretty relaxing during the pandemic.

You can still call home and you'll make friends in the class. The internet had, tremendously, removed geographic barriers to socialization.

 

[Redpancreas]

I guess I’m just looking for anyone who had a similar experience to give me their insight I.e. what they found helpful in moving far away from their family and friends and living alone without housemates

Gotcha. Sorry that wasn’t super clear to me. A lot of it read as autobiographical.

1.) I’m in an LDR. FaceTime or video chatting is invaluable. I FT everyday.

2.) If you don’t want to live alone, have you considered roommates?

 

[alm414]

I didn't move all the way across the country and across time zones like you will, but I did move far enough away from the area I grew up in that it wasn't feasible to come back to see family/friends besides for major holidays. I moved to a city I had never been to before, and knew no one/had no connections there...maybe you can relate.

Honestly, it was hard. I'm a pretty social person, and this was pre-pandemic so it was very easy to meet people, but even though I was making friends I didn't feel like I had a strong support network (I'm not exactly going to dump emotional burdens on people I've only known for a couple months). You get through it though. I learned to live alone for the first time ever, I started indulging in things that I wanted to do regardless of if I had someone to do it with, and picked up some good friends along the way. I leaned pretty heavily into staying busy, including getting a dog, which I cannot stress enough how amazing has been. He's my best friend, and I don't think I would have enjoyed living alone without him. He was already an older dog when I adopted him, so it's really just for companionship. I'm so glad I'll have him with me when I move away, once again, for medical school. But in terms of staying busy, even though you'll be already pretty busy with medical school, I think pick 1, 2, or 3 hobbies you really really enjoy and hold yourself accountable to make time for them every week. I wouldn't pick much more than that or you'll spread your time too thin in med school. At least one of them should be social, and at least one of them should be active/healthy. It'll keep you busy, and hopefully get you to meet people who enjoy the same things.

Anyways, I don't really know if I have much advice. I guess I just wanted to lay out my experiences since it's similar, and maybe you find it relatable. I will say though, don't make multiplayer video games your only outlet for social interaction. I play video games a bunch myself, and find them very fun and relaxing, but I do think if your only outlet for social interaction is multiplayer video games it will exacerbate your feelings of loneliness when you're not online.

 

[JoaoMoutinho]

I've done similar moves several times (including for medical school). Honestly, a lot of it will come down to you. You may or may not hate snow, having seasons, traffic or the lack thereof, Ethiopian food at 3am, the local culture, etc. It can be challenging but it can be a rewarding and fun challenge if you let it be.

Whether it's your classmates, gaming, video chat, or even just finding faculty at your school that you can lean on, the most important part will be that you build yourself a support network. It's ok to miss your family, quality Mexican food (sorry, that doesn't exist in CT), or whatever else you enjoy, but you can also use it as a chance to make new friends, experience a different environment, and let yourself grow where you're planted.

For me what has always helped is planting roots wherever I end up and finding new things to enjoy, in my own way. Literally everywhere in the world has something awesome about it to appreciate, along with awesome people. Well maybe not New Jersey but everywhere else does (I'm sure there are awesome people in New Jersey as well).

 

[Tenk]

My background: I like many people in my class and other classes was also a displaced Californian who found themselves in the Midwest. While I didn’t enjoy the Midwest and ultimately left, I met a lot of great people including my wife.

My advice: when I first got there my main goal was just to get in, get out. I focused mostly on school and was somewhat of a loner. Pretty much just school, gym, gaming. Honestly, I think that was a mistake. Life is short and life is also what you make of it. Just be yourself, don’t have any hidden agendas or preconceived notions. Just try to do well in school while trying to find things you enjoy and the four years will fly by in an instant.

 

[paveldatsyuk]

I like your profile pic!

Thanks!

Gotcha. Sorry that wasn’t super clear to me. A lot of it just kind of read as autobiographical.

1.) I’m in an LDR. FaceTime or video chatting is invaluable. I FT everyday.

2.) If you don’t want to live alone, have you considered roommates?

Ah, I see. And yeah I'm gonna be doing a long-distance relationship as well. I really suck at talking on the phone though, I just get really sleepy LOL. I'm going to try to improve on that. How do you keep things interesting over FT? I just feel like we end up talking about the same things over and over again.

Maybe I'm just a boring guy, but my gf is super chatty and always wants to talk about random things that bore the hell out of me. In person I have an easier time making conversations interesting. And yeah, I wanted housemates actually but everyone in my class has already found housing for the most part. I reached out to a bunch of people and they had already figured out their housing, so I ended up just finding a studio for a decent price. Hoping to maybe find housing with some classmates after my first year.

I didn't move all the way across the country and across time zones like you will, but I did move far enough away from the area I grew up in that it wasn't feasible to come back to see family/friends besides for major holidays. I moved to a city I had never been to before, and knew no one/had no connections there...maybe you can relate.

Honestly, it was hard. I'm a pretty social person, and this was pre-pandemic so it was very easy to meet people, but even though I was making friends I didn't feel like I had a strong support network (I'm not exactly going to dump emotional burdens on people I've only known for a couple months). You get through it though. I learned to live alone for the first time ever, I started indulging in things that I wanted to do regardless of if I had someone to do it with, and picked up some good friends along the way. I leaned pretty heavily into staying busy, including getting a dog, which I cannot stress enough how amazing has been. He's my best friend, and I don't think I would have enjoyed living alone without him. He was already an older dog when I adopted him, so it's really just for companionship. I'm so glad I'll have him with me when I move away, once again, for medical school. But in terms of staying busy, even though you'll be already pretty busy with medical school, I think pick 1, 2, or 3 hobbies you really really enjoy and hold yourself accountable to make time for them every week. I wouldn't pick much more than that or you'll spread your time too thin in med school. At least one of them should be social, and at least one of them should be active/healthy. It'll keep you busy, and hopefully get you to meet people who enjoy the same things.

Anyways, I don't really know if I have much advice. I guess I just wanted to lay out my experiences since it's similar, and maybe you find it relatable. I will say though, don't make multiplayer video games your only outlet for social interaction. I play video games a bunch myself, and find them very fun and relaxing, but I do think if your only outlet for social interaction is multiplayer video games it will exacerbate your feelings of loneliness when you're not online.

I was actually thinking about getting a dog as well. Did you feel like you had enough time to do stuff with your dog? And I feel what you're saying about the video games - I definitely don't think I should make it my primary means of connecting with others. I'm pretty social too when I get the chance, so I guess I'll just try to step out of my comfort zone and make more of an effort to form friendships with people. It typically comes naturally, but idk, it just feels so odd going all the way to the east coast, almost as if people will be different there or something and might think I'm weird.

I've done similar moves several times (including for medical school). Honestly, a lot of it will come down to you. You may or may not hate snow, having seasons, traffic or the lack thereof, Ethiopian food at 3am, the local culture, etc. It can be challenging but it can be a rewarding and fun challenge if you let it be.

Whether it's your classmates, gaming, video chat, or even just finding faculty at your school that you can lean on, the most important part will be that you build yourself a support network. It's ok to miss your family, quality Mexican food (sorry, that doesn't exist in CT), or whatever else you enjoy, but you can also use it as a chance to make new friends, experience a different environment, and let yourself grow where you're planted.

For me what has always helped is planting roots wherever I end up and finding new things to enjoy, in my own way. Literally everywhere in the world has something awesome about it to appreciate, along with awesome people. Well maybe not New Jersey but everywhere else does (I'm sure there are awesome people in New Jersey as well).

Thanks for the advice. I'm already in the process of looking for a support network. I set up a video chat with one of the faculty there who interviewed me. I'm hoping that I can form a close relationship with them just to have someone to go to for advice and what not. Yeah, unfortunately I think it's nearly impossible to compete with the Mexican food in CA.

My background: I like many people in my class and other classes was also a displaced Californian who found themselves in the Midwest. While I didn’t enjoy the Midwest and ultimately left, I met a lot of great people including my wife.

My advice: when I first got there my main goal was just to get in, get out. I focused mostly on school and was somewhat of a loner. Pretty much just school, gym, gaming. Honestly, I think that was a mistake. Life is short and life is also what you make of it. Just be yourself, don’t have any hidden agendas or preconceived notions. Just try to do well in school while trying to find things you enjoy and the four years will fly by in an instant.

Thank you. School, gym, and gaming sounds pretty much like my undergrad experience. I feel like I want to get more out of medical school than I did out of undergrad. I made a lot of good friends and met my current gf of 2 years, but I feel like I could have done more. I just wanna kill it in school but also have a kickass experience in terms of meeting interesting people and doing fun stuff with my classmates.

 

[Redpancreas]

Ah, I see. And yeah I'm gonna be doing a long-distance relationship as well. I really suck at talking on the phone though, I just get really sleepy LOL. I'm going to try to improve on that. How do you keep things interesting over FT? I just feel like we end up talking about the same things over and over again.

Maybe I'm just a boring guy, but my gf is super chatty and always wants to talk about random things that bore the hell out of me. In person I have an easier time making conversations interesting. And yeah, I wanted housemates actually but everyone in my class has already found housing for the most part. I reached out to a bunch of people and they had already figured out their housing, so I ended up just finding a studio for a decent price. Hoping to maybe find housing with some classmates after my first year.

I was actually thinking about getting a dog as well. Did you feel like you had enough time to do stuff with your dog? And I feel what you're saying about the video games - I definitely don't think I should make it my primary means of connecting with others. I'm pretty social too when I get the chance, so I guess I'll just try to step out of my comfort zone and make more of an effort to form friendships with people. It typically comes naturally, but idk, it just feels so odd going all the way to the east coast, almost as if people will be different there or something and might think I'm weird.

You may not seem very chatty, but you're filled with thoughts. You did post a lot initially and if I knew who you were, I would have probably bothered to read it instead of skimming it and probably found it interesting. Share those thoughts with her. My GF is perpetually complaining about me "rambling" about medical stuff and my various others interests (so I scale back), but sometimes she loves listening to me and calls me her "mad scientist". She knows about all the things I talk about including thoughts aout early clinical integration despite the fact that she's not even in medicine. That's why she's my GF I guess. (Don't forget to listen to all her thoughts and feelings too and react to them accordingly).

I wasn't asked about the dog thing but I don't think it's a good idea.

 

[Nugester]

Definitely overthinking it. Unless your class size is really small, there will be a bunch of people in the same boat as you. It will probably be different for you this fall since a lot of things I imagine will be in-person, but in the worse case, you can be like me and stay in California and only fly back for required things .

 

[Ho0v-man]

So I moved 1,000 miles for med school. Then moved 1,000 miles again for rotations after preclinical. Then I matched into a state I’ve never even visited. So I think I know what you’re going through.

My advice:


It’s going to be great. At least that’s what you should tell yourself. Just think. If you hadn’t gotten into this school you may have spent your whole life in one region of the country. Eating the same foods, doing the same stuff. Is that any way to live?

Is there a chance you won’t like it as much as where you’re at now? Sure. Is there a chance that where you’re going is actually the awesome fit that you never even considered? Absolutely. Even if you end up back where you are now for residency, you’re going to be telling your kids one day about all the cool stuff you did during this bananas part of your life.

This is a once in a lifetime adventure. At least give yourself a chance to enjoy it.

 

[alm414]

I was actually thinking about getting a dog as well. Did you feel like you had enough time to do stuff with your dog? And I feel what you're saying about the video games - I definitely don't think I should make it my primary means of connecting with others. I'm pretty social too when I get the chance, so I guess I'll just try to step out of my comfort zone and make more of an effort to form friendships with people. It typically comes naturally, but idk, it just feels so odd going all the way to the east coast, almost as if people will be different there or something and might think I'm weird.

So I'll talk about the dog situation a little bit. I haven't started medical school yet (I start in August), but I did have him throughout graduate school, and although I know my graduate school program was less rigorous than medical school will be, I still think I can speak on what it's like to have a dog while being a student. I would highly recommend adopting an older dog. Maybe I'm biased because that's what I did, but I think it would be an absolute nightmare to try and train a puppy and give it all of the time and attention it needs during first year of medical school, then for it to only be 2 years old and still full of all that puppy energy by the time you leave for long hours during rotations. When I adopted my dog he was already 5-6 years old (guessing), house trained, and knew basic commands. My guy is really good about being alone for long hours (like when I'm at work now), but when I was in school when I first got him I was coming home between classes. You'll make some sacrifices because some of your friends will want to go out and grab a bite/get drinks after class and you'll have to go home to let your dog out instead, but after a few weeks you and your dog will have established more or less of a routine. I still have time to do all of the things I enjoyed doing before I got him, the only difference is now I just bring him along if I can. Friends wanna go out to a bar? I'll suggest an outdoor brewery and bring my dog with us. My buddy wants to go play tennis on a nice day? I bring a bone and just tie him to the post and he hangs out while we hit. And on the occasions when I can't bring him along, I just make sure he was well walked/fed beforehand and then I leave for the day. Obviously I'm biased here but for anyone who's considering getting a dog, as long as their schedule can accommodate it, I say go for it. Third/Fourth year rotations and residency will be more difficult with a dog, but I think with services like Rover or doggy day cares I'll manage.

 

[mvenus929]

I moved across the country for med school, across the state for residency, and back across the country for fellowship. I did have roommates during med school, which helped, but out of the 5 roommates I had throughout school, I only semi-consistently still talk to one of them. I'm much closer with other friends that I made in class. Just be willing to go out and have fun with your classmates and you'll be fine.

In residency and fellowship, I chose to live alone. Residency wasn't so bad because I had a large class and made friends with my co-residents (or a subset of them) pretty quickly and we are all still pretty close even though we are scattered across the country (though people are starting to move back). Fellowship has been more challenging because I have a smaller class (when I started there were only two other fellows in my program, and we don't interact much with fellows from other programs), but I've been able to make a good set of friends both in and out of work. I have a dog now (got her during fellowship), so it makes planning a little more tricky (as I can't randomly go somewhere after work--I have to get home to take her for a walk, feed her, etc), but she's worth it.

 

[Dral]

One of my good friends in med school moved from CA to VA. She lived with her significant other/husband throughout school. We had a core group of about 8 or so people that would go out and do things.

My experience was that the people who got to school early and met other people early seemed to be the ones who had the more robust social experience.

I'm sure you can make that happen.

Specific suggestions:
We had 4 or 5 to an anatomy group. That helped. Forming the groups was a combo of people we already gravitated toward and people we would get to know better by being in the group with them.

When you get there, find some people you gravitate toward. See if they want to go to a Bdubs or something to watch football or hockey on a Saturday...it's a good social situation to get to know people because you don't have to force conversation since you're all sorta talking but also focusing on the sports on TV.

We had a pizza place/bar (Mellow Mushroom for anyone who is familiar) where we used to go for happy hour on Friday. I made a fb group for it at the beginning of first year and invited ppl in the class to join. Whoever was around on Friday night and wanted to go would show up. We even had faculty stop by sometimes. That pretty much lasted all 4 years, although it got spotty once we all got to clinical rotations.

Join interest groups right off the bat.



You very well could have car problems. One of my colleagues is from Vermont (North of CT, but not by a ton). I remember a few years back he drove there to visit relatives before thanksgiving and he was talking about how his kids were out sledding. Snow is interesting. I've never lived in a place that didn't get it. However, as I get older I like it less and less. I have major nostalgia connected to it with snow days off from school when I was a kid so I still like it. You very well could despise it...just be prepared heh.

 

[IMG69]

I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years and that'll go up to 5 countries in 7 years (over these next 2 years). So i've had to completely start again a lot.

Mindset is everything, 2021 is the year of negativity. This is a new opportunity for you to meet new people, make new friends, try new things. First thing is to take up responsibility; join clubs/sports teams whatever so that you meet new people straight away and your 'forced' to attend things and then the rest will fall into place.

Yes you are overthinking it.

 

[LunaOri]

A couple of thoughts:
I think getting a dog—which is a lot if responsibility—would interfere with your ability to meet your classmates and spend time in social activities, not to mention limiting your options for housing.
CT (especially New Haven) doesn’t really get that much snow, and it is not nearly as cold as VT or other northern states.
Do try to find social outlets other than gaming; it’s important to spend some in-person time with other people (sports, volunteering, whatever!)

 

[Dral]

https://www.bestplaces.net/climate/city/connecticut/new_haven

Not a ton of snow, but still above average. It's less than I expected I guess.

But yeah, I'm in PA (definitely more south) and we get more snow than New Haven by a few inches yearly.

 

[Mass Effect]

You need to live a little. The most boring people in the world are the ones who've never moved around/experienced life outside their corner of the world. I moved across the country when I was 18. At 21, I moved again. At 25, I moved again. I've lived in about 13 different states and over 20 different cities. I'm familiar with the east, west, northeast, south, midwest, and pacific northwest. I considered spending some time in Canada, but haven't yet.

It's a big world out there. You may hate CT or it may be the place you meet the best friends you've ever had and/or the person you'll end up marrying. You have no idea. If your frame of reference is only the west coast, this is the best thing that could have happened to you. It's different, but it's finite. Med school will be over in a few short years and you can move to the west coast if you just can't stand being away. But don't turn your back on new experiences. Ever. Life is short.

Also, when it gets cold and snowy, grab a snowboard and hit the slopes. If snowboarding isn't your thing, try a snowtube or snowshoes. You could learn to ski of course.

 

[VenusinFurs]

This is an adulthood challenge that never stops

source: old and haven’t been in school in 7 years

my advice is to look for interest groups and hobby groups either in your school or on meetup or something. Also you will make friends with your classmates. I miss having residency and med school, it’s so hard to find friends who aren’t forced to hang out with you due to training

 

[JW4Gdud]

So I moved 1,000 miles for med school. Then moved 1,000 miles again for rotations after preclinical. Then I matched into a state I’ve never even visited. So I think I know what you’re going through.

My advice:


It’s going to be great. At least that’s what you should tell yourself. Just think. If you hadn’t gotten into this school you may have spent your whole life in one region of the country. Eating the same foods, doing the same stuff. Is that any way to live?

Is there a chance you won’t like it as much as where you’re at now? Sure. Is there a chance that where you’re going is actually the awesome fit that you never even considered? Absolutely. Even if you end up back where you are now for residency, you’re going to be telling your kids one day about all the cool stuff you did during this bananas part of your life.

This is a once in a lifetime adventure. At least give yourself a chance to enjoy it.

Do you drive your car to the new locations >1000 miles or do you buy another car?

 

[calivianya]

Just reach out to people. I moved about 800 miles for med school and didn’t know anyone there, and I just struck up conversations with anyone I was sitting near at any time. Some of them stuck and I made some good friends. I’m not a natural extrovert, but... since you don’t know anyone and aren’t from the area, you are going to have to actively reach out to a lot of people until you figure out who your people are if you are looking to build connections.

The strongest friendships I have in med school are the ones where we were in something else together besides just med classes, though - either we were both in the dual MPH/DO program, we both showed up to every meeting of X club, we both did the same kind of volunteering together, etc. So join clubs or volunteer in stuff that interests you, not just to check a box, because that’s where you’ll find the people who are most similar to you.

 

[Ho0v-man]

Do you drive your car to the new locations >1000 miles or do you buy another car?

Drove. I loaded up my wife and kiddo in my 2006 Hyundai Elantra, and towed our belongings behind us in a uhaul trailer. Who’s buying new cars for a move? The car moves you, no?

I did buy new furniture and beds for the moves. Had some cheap stuff delivered by Amazon the day I arrived. That way I didn’t have more to tow.