A touchy question

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Tofurkey

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Hello there,

I wondered if any of you spouses/ sig o's of a med student/ doctor ever feel threatened when that person examines the reproductive organs of someone of the opposite sex in the clinical setting. I mean, I know it's in their job description, and they're not looking at it in a sexual way, but it really gets to me sometimes (at least my fiance is not an ob/gyn).

Anyhow, just wondered how other people deal with this issue. I try not to think about it--I guess that's all one can do.

Thanks,

Tofurkey
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I've never had an issue with it. In fact, I never even thought about it much. If it's really bothering you (even sometimes) I think you might be exhibiting an unhealthy level of jealously.

Are you a med student? I might understand if you were not a med student and so didn't really know what does on during an examination... so then maybe you just have an overactive imagination.

You really just need to get some perspective. There's absolutely no reason to feel threatened or jealous about your fiance examining people.
 
what the hell kind of question is this?+pissed+
 
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No, I'm not a med student. I don't see why it's an unreasonable question--several other people I know whose sig o's are in medicine feel the exact same way. I think when you're not a med student/ doctor it's hard not to think it's a big deal.

Thanks,

Tofurkey
 
You just have to understand that from we're standing you (and your friends who share your feelings) sound silly and immature. And actually, many med students/doctors might even be offended by your concern.

Maybe you could shadow a doctor and try to get an idea of just how not-at-all sexual and completely professional a physical exam is. People like you just don't get it. You think a naked body is sexual in any context. The ability to objectively look at human genitalia as just another organ is something you can't even conceptualize.

Do your fiance a favor and GET OVER IT! Otherwise you're just going to look like an immature fool in front of him and his classmates.

good luck
 
this guy's a troll

get some counseling, tofu; it really sounds like you need it.

:thumbdown:
 
I don't think Tofu is psycho and in need of counseling, when you look at the way our society handles nudity and sex. Just think of all the dirty old men at weddings speculating about the bride's choice to wear white... or the garter toss... or the bachelor party (in some cases)-- disgustingly juvenile! We can't let a wedding be about what it's really about, emotional and financial commitment, creating a family, love, etc. Nope, we have to make it be about sex. Look at how much some people spaz about breastfeeding. Most Americans, in my opinion, think like naughty adolescents for most of their lives in regard to sex. But I frankly don't see that changing anytime soon, so Tofu seems pretty normal, actually.

Tofu, have you ever been in a locker room? Most of the people you see naked, you'd probably rather not, right? It's not enjoyable or sexy; sometimes it's quite the opposite! Old people, fat people, just generally unattractive people comprise the majority of the population. It's not like only models get pap smears! Not to mention, most of the people your fiance will be examining have diseases or something else wrong "down there". Most of the med students I know actually dread obgyn rotations. When you think about it that way, even if you don't understand the clinical detachment, maybe you'll stop worrying.
 
Sorry, but this is a legit question and partially why this forum is here.

I am a second year spouse and know of quite a few spouses that were uncomfortable at first with the level of nakedness their spouse would be seeing.

However, most got over it and were able to see it how their spouses were seeing it - as an interesting clinical exam no different from examing any other part of the body. When it is a patient, they are a set of possible problems to figure out and find, and generally cease to be man/woman on a sexual level.

But, it took some communicating for some of the spouse to get that.

My hubby was a massage therapist before going back to school and so I had to get used to him touching naked people.....but they quickly learn to put on thier doctor hats and not their hormone hats.

Hope that helps!

With smiles,
Wifty
 
I worked as my dad's medical assistant for a year (he's an internist) and stood in on ALL of his female exams (doing paps, breast exams, etc). I never once thought it was odd, or betraying my mom, or anything else. It couldn't be more detached from sexuality...

No one gets aroused during a PE. That's just friggin' bizarre!
 
I've never had an issue with it. In fact, I never even thought about it much.
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Me either. The thought never even ocurred to me until I read this post. Maybe bc FH is in vascular surgery so I just assume he does not deal with that. Although even if he did I don't think it would bother me. He's just too clinical about all his patients.
 
Originally posted by Wifty
...I...know of quite a few spouses that were uncomfortable at first with the level of nakedness their spouse would be seeing.

However, most got over it and were able to see it how their spouses were seeing it - as an interesting clinical exam no different from examing any other part of the body.
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A very good point. Tofurkey, maybe you could think of it like this: if your spouse is examining someone's hand, s/he's looking for deformities, he's checking the range of motion of the joints, he's looking at the color, condition, and temperature of the skin, and on and on. There's a whole list in his/her head about what needs to be examined, and what might be found.

The fact that a hand is, culturally speaking, no big deal - something you can stare at on everybody most of the time - really doesn't come into it, from a medical point of view. A person's 'bits' are, culturally speaking, not public and a very big deal, but there's another list of things to remember and look for, and it's long and complex enough to take up all of a professional's attention.

I work in an ER, and what they don't show on TV is that everybody who comes into the trauma bay will be naked, or we will make them naked. Quickly. It's the only way to actually look at a person's whole body. We're not looking for any of the reasons our culture assigns to nudity. We're looking for signs of something wrong that the person can't tell us about him/herself.

Honestly, I don't even notice if the person is ugly or cute. I'm just not using that part of my brain at that time.
 
Originally posted by tlew12778
Me either. The thought never even ocurred to me until I read this post. Maybe bc FH is in vascular surgery so I just assume he does not deal with that. Although even if he did I don't think it would bother me. He's just too clinical about all his patients.
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Of course, almost all surgery patients end up laying on the table completely naked while things are getting set up. But like everywhere else in medicine, no one's thinking of it that way.
Another thought that might help is that when doctor's need to examine "private parts" it's generally because something's wrong. Diseased organs are not attractive.
 
I'm a med student and I know how it is to have a sig other who is this jelous, mine can't stand the idea of me doing that sort of stuff, but like I told her its a right of passage all med students must do it, by the time rotations come around gross anatomy numbs you to most things After spending the last three weeks working with the perineum I could never find anything sexual about doing exams, I really dread the ob/gyn rotation, but I must do it, and my sig other will simply have to get over the petty jelousy, tofu you might as well to thats just part of what your sig other must do no way around it
 
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Never know, he might be checking out the guys. +pissed+
 
I have to chime in here. My DO hubby is a PGY2 in OB/GYN. I never have had an issue with it because I know he is a professional. I know when I go get a PAP smear that I don't have Howard Stern at the other end of the table, and my husband isn't Howard Stern either.

I actually pitty him many times. Do you KNOW what comes through the office of an OB/GYN?? Well it isn't Christy Turlington! It's usually someone weighing over 2 bills with something needing to be treated. Or it's a 14 year old who's pregnant - very sad. Or someone with ovarian cancer who is going to die in six weeks, etc.

So next time you think about it, be assured that having sex with the patient is the very last thing on their mind. There is too much else going on in their mind - like not messing up in front of the attending, figuring out what is wrong with the patient and how to help that patient.
 
I think the substance should be separated from the reason. The reason is necessity -- to heal or prevent serious illness or disease. When I worked in the ER I was also shocked at how one's privacy goes to the wind once someone is being invasively treated. There often isn't much to go on except common sense, like when an elderly lady who is bleeding from a femoral? line and you're holding a sheet over her to try and give her some sense of dignity while the nurse is trying desperately to stop the bleeding. I believe there is nothing wrong with your feelings tofurkey, it is normal for someone to have misgivings about the incredible loss of privacy in certain situations in medicine, and to being uncomfortable with your SO in situations where a female patient might be naked. Once that uncomfortability is _recognized_ and _acknowledged_ I think the issue will not be as prominent. These are a type of situation that would almost never be encountered in a public, non medical setting.
 
There is a lot of stressful stuff going on in the hospital or in a doctors' office. We are more concerned about not messing up, making sure we put the right diagnosis, etc. There is really no time to have fantasies. Plus after you have gone through gross anatomy, you really don't find anything sensual about a patients' body.
I also have some advice for you, take it as you wish. Medicine is stressful, long hours, lots to learn, it is hard work. The last thing your SO needs is to come home to a gf who is jealous and makes his life a nightmare. You are supposed to be supportive of him, and this petty jealousy, if you don't get over it, will ruin your relationship. If you don't trust him, then maybe you should think why.

Fritz.
 
I never had a problem with my husband doing gyn or breast exams or viewing nudity during his medical school years. The individual who stated in a previous post that the people primarily seen during these exams are those who wouldn't exactly win a beauty contest is entirely correct. I sometimes pitied my husband on those rotations because he had to deal with a lot of prostitutes, severly overweight women, and pregnant teens. Not exactly a happy or seductive lot of people to say the least.

What also put this into perspective was that my own pap smears/breast exams/ob visits have been conducted in an entirely professional manner. From discussions with my husband my physicians have apparently behaved in the same manner as the vast majority of physicians who conduct these exams - including my husband. It brought home to me the total un-sexualness (I doubt that's a real word but you get the drift ;) ) of these exams.

:) Jennifer
 
I'm a med student and my BF is a PGY-1 in OB/GYN. The worst part is having to cope with the whole bunch of aunts asking me if I get jealous of his patients. OH , Please! It is not like I don't see penises everyday anyway!!
Anyway, I don't think that should affect any relationship at all. Except in the case where the doctor is seduced by a cottage cheese Candidal Vaginitis in a 250 lb. 50' something woman...
 
most patients are fat and old. Really, I'm not being mean, I'm stating the facts - who see's doctors? - people with medical problems, usually fat and old people for the most part. Just look around in a doctor's waiting room next time you are there, imagine examining those people naked, and think again if you really have any reason to worry your spouse is thinking anything inappropriate during these exams.
 
I actually had this discussion with my S.O. a few years ago. He knows that I am a tremendous flirt and he wondered if "mentally" that ever crossed over into work. He was not concerned about my professionalism

I told him to walk to the street corner and pick out any 50 people. Take a look at them, and now imagine rooting around thier privates. There are not that many for whom you'd take a second glance. Surprisingly, many people do not undertake proper cleaning before a Dr. appt. And besides....it's a job. I have no interest in my patients. It's not like I'm having them get undressed because I want to hit it with them......I'm doing a medical exam. If anything (and this is not meant to be mean), pity me that I have to do digging around in their privates. Even when I get a real stunning person, there is nothing sexual about the experience.
 
This seems like a trust issue, not a "most patients are not attractive anyway" issue. True, a lot of them aren't, but then pretty people do go to the doctor too. It seems like you need to trust your fiance no matter what, and not console yourself with the falsehood that he's never going to see an attractive patient, naked or not. My husband actually is planning on doing ob/gyn and it has never really been an issue for me and honestly, he is a very sexual person. I tease him that he wants to be an ob/gyn because he loves women so much. But if you've ever been to see an ob/gyn yourself, you know there is nothing sexual about it, for the patient it's usually pretty uncomfortable and for the doctor it's just another vagina.
 
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