A no-brainer yet tempting..

[Hillo]

I see two options in my future.

Option 1: my dental school
-go ~$154k in debt
-wait ten long years for SO
-live with relatives (so won't have much experience living on my own and wouldn't be able to do what I want)

Option 2: his dental school
-go ~$314k in debt ($160k more than Option 1)
-wait only two years for SO
-better weather
-experiences that will definitely make me grow more as a person

I didn't grow up with much, and I'm sure that I won't ever meet anyone like him, so I'm leaning towards Option 2 which will increase my chances of having an amazing life.

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[EasTexan]

What do you mean by waiting 10 years in option 1 and waiting two years in option 2?

 

[deleted480308]

option 3...go to whatever dental school is cheapest, then practice in whatever town he's in as he finished his school

 

[Hillo]

Two years because we expect to start start professional school in two years.
Ten years because it's the two years + four years of professional school + four years of residency.

He's very interested in a medical specialty, so residency is required for him.
And the medical and dental matching systems don't share the same couples match option.

Option 3 would mean that I stick with general dentistry (not ideal for me) but would only have to wait six years.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Some critical factors haven't been addressed here.....how old are you two, still in college? How long have you been together? Are you dating or engaged/married? Since you say you will be 2 years apart in Option 1, I assume you are currently apart and are planning to get together in professional school? How much of the relationship has been spent apart vs together?

Choosing to follow someone to school who you aren't married to (and therefore are much more invested in) is risky, especially if there is 160k involved and you have already spent much of the relationship apart. Saying that you'll never find anyone like him at your age (I'm assuming you're young) is naive. I know you'll fight and say you know he's the one, but realize that relationships that start so young and end up being forever are few and far between. People change immensely in their 20s.

Also, moving to be with someone whom you have been doing an LDR with for two whole years is just as risky unless you have been dating for YEARS before that in person. How do you know you really know them? I'm guessing you started dating in high school and then went to different colleges? (correct me if I am wrong). You guys have so much growing to do and have likely changed already quite a bit, and you won't find that out until it is too late.

Some other questions:
1) Why would you have to live with relatives for Option 1? Why couldn't you live on your own and get the independence you want?
2) You also realize that when time for residency comes, you will be looking at the same problems. You may have moved to this school and taken on more debt only for you both to be apart again.
3) Why is there no "he goes to YOUR school" option? Why does it seem like only you are having to make this decision?

Also, I hope this isn't the guy you were talking about in your post in the Depression Thread in the Wolf's Den -- "Realizing that I've been depending on this guy to help me feel better and that I'm not as "strong, independent" as I thought I was."

That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to begin with.

 

[Hillo]

1) Yes, it's true that I could live on my own
2) If I get to spend four years near him, I would be able to make the general-dentistry-or-not decision more easily
3) My school hasn't accepted an out-of-state-r ever

Yea, I'm not really healthy in general :/
These are my honest thoughts, and I don't know how to stop them (even though he keeps on telling me to stop overthinking)

He's just helped me realize and grow so much that Option 2 seems SO bright

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

It sounds like you are depending on him far too much. I think following him would actually stifle you. He may have helped you grow and learn, but you need to be able to do that for yourself as well. Getting to used to someone constantly helping you stunts your own emotional growth.

And I don't mean this in a mean or holier-than-thou way - just from experience

I think you need a combination of experiences. I think the first option is much better for you financially, obviously. If you're kind of in a weird emotional place right now, being near family for support would help. But at the same time, you shouldn't live with them - you've potentially been relying on the boyfriend too much for too long and need to get used to being yourself by yourself, making friends, etc.

 

[studentp0x]

Hard decision.... whatever you do, do not even think about long distance relationships.

 

[Jay K]

Hard decision.... whatever you do, do not even think about long distance relationships.

I disagree; If they work, they work, if they don't, they don't. If they want to flip a coin, why not?

 

[studentp0x]

I disagree; If they work, they work, if they don't, they don't. If they want to flip a coin, why not?

The risk of cheating is way too high in LDRs. What happens when you go from getting laid every other day into a 2 month dry spell, and have many temptations around you?
Regardless, it's too risky.

 

[deleted480308]

The risk of cheating is way too high in LDRs. What happens when you go from getting laid every other day into a 2 month dry spell, and have many temptations around you?
Regardless, it's too risky.

Or you could be an adult and breakup...cheating isn't a result of needing sex, it's a lack of integrity

 

[studentp0x]

Or you could be an adult and breakup...cheating isn't a result of needing sex, it's a lack of integrity

http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

 

[deleted480308]

http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

A lot of people lacking integrity doesn't refute my point

 

[Jay K]

The risk of cheating is way too high in LDRs. What happens when you go from getting laid every other day into a 2 month dry spell, and have many temptations around you?
Regardless, it's too risky.

Getting laid every 2 months? I should be so lucky…

 

[studentp0x]

Getting laid every 2 months? I should be so lucky…

Well I'm saying if you go from your regular every other day (in the relationship) to being apart for a couple months.