Ok I have a problem. You guys can give me opinions, advice, whatever. I mainly feel the need to express myself since there are only so many people who will listen, and of those not for long before they stop caring/aren't as invested.
I was accepted into a D.O. medical school (KCUMB) during my sophomore year of college due to a partner's program agreement my school had with them. The program includes not having to take the MCAT and skipping your senior year of college to straight off start med. After a year of med, you receive your bachelors due to credits transferring back to the undergrad school.
Freshman and half of sophomore year in undergrad I worked very hard and had a good outlook on life. Last half of my sophomore year I fell into a pit of existentialism. After taking a few college classes I had come to question my existence and my cult religion. There were conspiracy theories that I absolutely believed to be true. My paranoia was huge but I opened my mind to the realities of life and logic I rebuilt my mind to fully overcome it (now, haha). But as this was happening, nothing mattered to me anymore. Weather I lived or died it didn't matter. If my religion was not true life didn't matter.
Also during this time I met my current boyfriend whom my family rejected on the grounds of religion. I was a complete virgin before this experience and having him in my life caused me to believe I was sinning. I tried to break up with him but instead broke up with my religious ideas and now we are living together (against my family's wishes). I started feeling suicidal during my Junior year but matriculated anyway.
I knew I didn't want to start medical school then but I also had a NHSC scholarship that was paying my whole way. Who quits when they got into med school early plus have a whole scholarship paying for it? LOL. I was stupid and ended up not studying due to mental breakdowns. I passed two classes with a "C" and in the middle of Anatomy and Physiology, I took a leave of absence. I got on medication, got counseling, the whole nine yards. It helped, for a bit.
I went back in to restart the year and after one week I quit. Yep. Withdrew the day after the first exam. A lot of the school's faculty told me they didn't want me to quit and that I'd make an excellent physician one day, but I wanted nothing to do with medicine ever again. "Doctors suck, their life sucks. They just won't admit it to themselves!" I said to myself as my own life was falling apart. I was still depressed and sad that I didn't have a reason to live.
So, being a fresh ex-med student, I still didn't have my bachelor's as I didn't complete the first year. I only needed 3 credits to get my B.S. in biology so I signed up for an online hematology course. Bad idea. I was so f****** lazy and didn't care about ANYTHING. I procrastinated. I left half the course to complete in one week and, while my grades were good, I quit not wanting to try at all and not wanting to stress myself out.
I was sad all the time and still suicidal. So I weaned myself of all of my meds. I disliked my psychiatrist anyway. After that I felt more mental clarity but still sad. Then one day one of my boyfriend's friends told me I needed to push myself and add more stress to my life or I'd be sad forever. Wow. Advice straight from a non-psychologists' mouth. And you know what? It f****** worked.
I started exercising and made a list of what I wanted to do with my life. I got accepted into nursing school with the idea of becoming a N.P. due to my lack of belief I would get in to med school again. Still have to have a bachelor's before I matriculate there (which I'm not going to do, hah!).
So...months later I'm here. I am 22 years old, ex-med student and no bachelor's degree yet....that's an accurate description of the situation I believe. I am sick of being lazy and I'm so bored!
I dislike my boring job. I've started studying critical reasoning and logic and I've slowly improved in that. Today I spoke with my undergrad advisor and he still thinks I don't want to do med (couldn't bring myself to tell him I was still interested in it) but is happy I'm coming back to finish my degree. I presented a plan to him so that I will graduate in Spring with two majors, B.S. in Biology and B.S. in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology as well as a minor in Chemistry and a minor in Women's Studies.
But after I get my undergraduate degree, what should I do?!
I am open to other career options as long as they don't make me feel bored or uninspired.
I was accepted into a D.O. medical school (KCUMB) during my sophomore year of college due to a partner's program agreement my school had with them. The program includes not having to take the MCAT and skipping your senior year of college to straight off start med. After a year of med, you receive your bachelors due to credits transferring back to the undergrad school.
Freshman and half of sophomore year in undergrad I worked very hard and had a good outlook on life. Last half of my sophomore year I fell into a pit of existentialism. After taking a few college classes I had come to question my existence and my cult religion. There were conspiracy theories that I absolutely believed to be true. My paranoia was huge but I opened my mind to the realities of life and logic I rebuilt my mind to fully overcome it (now, haha). But as this was happening, nothing mattered to me anymore. Weather I lived or died it didn't matter. If my religion was not true life didn't matter.
Also during this time I met my current boyfriend whom my family rejected on the grounds of religion. I was a complete virgin before this experience and having him in my life caused me to believe I was sinning. I tried to break up with him but instead broke up with my religious ideas and now we are living together (against my family's wishes). I started feeling suicidal during my Junior year but matriculated anyway.
I knew I didn't want to start medical school then but I also had a NHSC scholarship that was paying my whole way. Who quits when they got into med school early plus have a whole scholarship paying for it? LOL. I was stupid and ended up not studying due to mental breakdowns. I passed two classes with a "C" and in the middle of Anatomy and Physiology, I took a leave of absence. I got on medication, got counseling, the whole nine yards. It helped, for a bit.
I went back in to restart the year and after one week I quit. Yep. Withdrew the day after the first exam. A lot of the school's faculty told me they didn't want me to quit and that I'd make an excellent physician one day, but I wanted nothing to do with medicine ever again. "Doctors suck, their life sucks. They just won't admit it to themselves!" I said to myself as my own life was falling apart. I was still depressed and sad that I didn't have a reason to live.
So, being a fresh ex-med student, I still didn't have my bachelor's as I didn't complete the first year. I only needed 3 credits to get my B.S. in biology so I signed up for an online hematology course. Bad idea. I was so f****** lazy and didn't care about ANYTHING. I procrastinated. I left half the course to complete in one week and, while my grades were good, I quit not wanting to try at all and not wanting to stress myself out.
I was sad all the time and still suicidal. So I weaned myself of all of my meds. I disliked my psychiatrist anyway. After that I felt more mental clarity but still sad. Then one day one of my boyfriend's friends told me I needed to push myself and add more stress to my life or I'd be sad forever. Wow. Advice straight from a non-psychologists' mouth. And you know what? It f****** worked.
I started exercising and made a list of what I wanted to do with my life. I got accepted into nursing school with the idea of becoming a N.P. due to my lack of belief I would get in to med school again. Still have to have a bachelor's before I matriculate there (which I'm not going to do, hah!).
So...months later I'm here. I am 22 years old, ex-med student and no bachelor's degree yet....that's an accurate description of the situation I believe. I am sick of being lazy and I'm so bored!
I dislike my boring job. I've started studying critical reasoning and logic and I've slowly improved in that. Today I spoke with my undergrad advisor and he still thinks I don't want to do med (couldn't bring myself to tell him I was still interested in it) but is happy I'm coming back to finish my degree. I presented a plan to him so that I will graduate in Spring with two majors, B.S. in Biology and B.S. in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology as well as a minor in Chemistry and a minor in Women's Studies.
But after I get my undergraduate degree, what should I do?!
I am open to other career options as long as they don't make me feel bored or uninspired.
