When to have kids?

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
As a 23 y/o MS-1 to-be (class of 2011), I have just reached the point in my life when my friends tell me their pregnant and I can say congratulations instead of oh $hit. Still, I do not plan to start a family for several years, probably after my residency. My SO is totally on board with being Mr. Mom, so I feel really lucky in that respect. Even with that, I definitely worry about waiting so long to start and not being able to spend enough time with my kids. My mother took several years off of teaching to stay at home with me and my two siblings (not really something you can do as a doctor). I hope that I can make up for in quality what I don't give them in quantity of time.

As far as waiting until my mid-thirties, I guess I will just cross my fingers and hope for the best. My 37 y/o cousin recently had triplets with no fertility drugs, and most of the women in my family have easily (often unintentionally!) had children into their mid-30s to 40s. Hope I got their extra-long-egg-releasing genes! If not, my SO would like to adopt, which takes off a lot of biological clock pressure.

I think that pretty much any med student or doctor with a uterus is facing some variation of this conflict. Good luck to all of you working it out. I will definitely be checking back for advice and opinions over the next few years.
Members don't see this ad.
 
I am a 27 yo single female hoping to start medical school this fall. I just want to say thank you to all of you for giving your perspectives on the issues of motherhood.

This is something that I've thought about a lot during this process of applying to medical school. I know I'm not married (and I don't have any prospects):( , but as I am getting older the thoughts have crossed my mind more than once.

I'm just glad to see that there are strong women out here that can balance both their education/career and a family life. You are truly an inspiration to me. :love:
 
Social issues have cannot replace biological realities. I suppose that we are all biased by our own experiences (having a difficult time conceiving vs coming from a fertile family) but my MS2 year really brought home how many things have to come together to have a normal, viable pregnancy. 4 weeks on REI reinforced that the 40 year old new mother is the exception not the rule. I don't think that anyone was trying to critize personal decisions about when to conceive, just trying to put the info out there that having a baby, esp at advanced age isn't a given like the media constantly portrays. I considered myself a reasonably knowlegeable person prior to med school but never understood the true difficulty of conceiving until I saw a 26 y/o who was married for 4 years trying to conceive with no luck undergoing ICI. While I agree that people have the right to maket the decisions that best fit into their current life situation, I applaud any effort to make sure people understand that realities of fertility at any age.

megboo said:
My being an advisor has no bearing on me saying that women today are not their mothers, etc.

It's not glib, it's the truth.

When my grandmother was 30, med schools did not consist of equal opportunity admissions for women...

I agree that everyone should be educated on what it means to have children later in life. I might take it a little for granted since I probably come from a fertile family. I have aunts that were conceived when my grandmother was in her late 30's and early 40's. But once someone is educated, they're free to make their decisions on children.
Click to expand...
 
Members don't see this ad :)
Another viewpoint... I have already mentioned that I have two kids and am in med school. Well, as of late it has really begun to bother me that my kids are being raised in a daycare rather than by me or my husband. My daughter is 3 1/2 and it just sort of hit me, a year and a half and she will be in kidnergarten and she will have spent relatively small % of her first five years with me. Then after kidnergarten, I will have not have the same opportunity in raising her as I did before she entered school. I'll never have another opportunity to stay at home with her.
So.... I've been considering taking a year off, but this doesn't seem practical at all since we can't really afford to live on just my hubby's salary AND my student loan grace period would be over in 6 months, which we really won't be able to afford any payments.

Obviously I've already had my children and we're stuck in an non ideal situation, but to those who haven't had children yet, perhaps it is a good idea to wait until you can give them a greater portion of yourself that a few hours after work. Obviously those who are in med school are probably not going to be stay at home moms but perhaps our spouses can stay at home with the kiddos.

I don't know what is the best solution nor do I know the benefits of having a stay at home parent verses being at daycare. It could be that my children are none worse for spending 10 hours a day at daycare. I just don't know, but I am definitely concerned about it.
 
lilnoelle said:
Another viewpoint... I have already mentioned that I have two kids and am in med school. Well, as of late it has really begun to bother me that my kids are being raised in a daycare rather than by me or my husband. My daughter is 3 1/2 and it just sort of hit me, a year and a half and she will be in kidnergarten and she will have spent relatively small % of her first five years with me. Then after kidnergarten, I will have not have the same opportunity in raising her as I did before she entered school. I'll never have another opportunity to stay at home with her.
So.... I've been considering taking a year off, but this doesn't seem practical at all since we can't really afford to live on just my hubby's salary AND my student loan grace period would be over in 6 months, which we really won't be able to afford any payments.

Obviously I've already had my children and we're stuck in an non ideal situation, but to those who haven't had children yet, perhaps it is a good idea to wait until you can give them a greater portion of yourself that a few hours after work. Obviously those who are in med school are probably not going to be stay at home moms but perhaps our spouses can stay at home with the kiddos.

I don't know what is the best solution nor do I know the benefits of having a stay at home parent verses being at daycare. It could be that my children are none worse for spending 10 hours a day at daycare. I just don't know, but I am definitely concerned about it.
Click to expand...
Just a quick note about daycare, many parents who AREN'T in medicine have to put their children in daycare as well so its not just med students/residents/physicians worrying about that but I do want to say I agree with you in your thought process. I worry about having to have them in daycare and I hope I can find the right facilities that I feel comfortable with. I grew up in daycare b/c both my parents worked so I didn't end up too badly ;)

I think we are going to head the nanny route most likely though ...
 
mdgrl2001 said:
Well, what is there on SDN besides anecdotes? Anecdotes about MCAT scores, applications, etc., it's all anecdotal advice from anonymous posters. It seems that should always be taken with a grain of salt.
Click to expand...

True. I love reading people tell what they've done and what's worked for them. Megboo, most of us who choose differently from what you've chosen aren't here to tell you you're wrong and we're right. We're just here to shoot the ****, find out what works, etc. Anyone else, take their anecdotes for what they're worth and then ignore them. Don't let those cute cats get their tails all bristled. ;)

mdgrl2001 said:
When you think about it, med school and residency are relatively protected, but there is no 80 hour work week afterwards.
Click to expand...

Yikes. Am I the only one who thinks that if an 80 hour work week is the good news, I don't want to hear the bad news? I can do the 80 hour week like everybody else, but those hours had better get reduced, not increased, after residency! I guess this takes us back to the "family friendly specialties?" thread -- which is kind of sad, because even people without families should have the common sense to know that all work and no play make Jack (as well as Jill) DULL! And burned out and cranky. I've worked with people like that -- I prefer the well-rounded ones with social skills and outside interests. They make better workers in a team environment.
 
I have an almost 10 yo, and a 6yo, and I'm pregnant with my 3rd due in October. I'm pre-med (pre-pre-pre med! lol) in the early stages of my education, so I figured if we were going to go for it, NOW is the time. By the time I get to med school I want to be able to feel like my family is complete and I can focus on school and not on breastfeeding. :laugh: I think this will work for us, at least... I project that it will! :oops:
 
I'm just about to turn 39 (i think as i'm starting to lose track)- gave birth last summer to our miss cutie of a daughter in yr 5 of 6 medicine in Ireland.

She was planned. My eggs had been on the shelf long enough, expiry date fast approaching. Being a new parent takes some juggling. We have no family here and childcare is an enormous issue (dublin daycare 1000 euro per month, yes). I was lucky enough to get a spot in the university daycare (added her name to the waiting list at the 1st site of that thin-pink-YUP-yer-preggers-line!).

Anyway, i can go into all the details but won't. In short, i postponed only one core rotation (2 months of obgyn!), am making it up this fall and will graduate 6 months behind my mates, in December 2007. Did my final medicine/surgery exams tho'! Them's were crazy times and can't believe i did it looking back. Couldn't do it without help- 3/4 grandparents actually flew here each in turn for a week coming up to exams and of course her dad. And the thing is, she totally grounded me, my guiding force for real.

In shorter short - it's doable, not without serious sleep deprivation (good training for residency), but most definitely worth it. Absolutely no regrets.

My own question to put out there is: we want more!

I should- fingers crossed start residency back home in Canada next July 2008, just hope to get a spot in GP- and am thinking of planning another pregnancy. I don't want to "show" for interviews (february)...i know there shouldn't be discrimination but don't want to take the chance. There’s no more time to waste either- my biological clock is on snooze overdrive!

Does anyone know about policies/benefits/maternity leave?

Any advice?
-docmomaly
 
Sorry ladies Im a guy, but I figured who better to ask for advice on this topic than ladies. I envy most of you as you already have kids or have a plan... im 27 entering MS and want to begin having a family somtime soon... My SO is making great strides in her occupation and cant really take time off right now... My questions to all you is what kind of residencies did you all chose??? Or what specialties are you all pursuing???

I not only want to watch my child grow up but help with the process. I dont call helping giving them a bath and putting them to bed. I know some do, and i do not dis-respect that at all. Its just not what im wanting personally.

Ive seen many Dr's kids (friends of family or friends of my own), never get to actually know their Dad b/c he was married to the hospital. Not even considering surgery, but what is out there for us that would allow us to have a "QUALITY" balance with kids and work hours??? What path have you all chosen to follow???:confused:
 
I'm 17, so I'm obviously not qualified to say, but from what I've been told (from actual mothers - not my dad lol), 31 seems to be the best age. To me, that seems pretty late, but then again, I haven't been there yet, so I wouldn't know. I'm guessing late twenties to early thirties is the best time to have kids. In all, it depends on your priorities in life.
 
as per my view:

a couple should plan for a kid when they know they have completed with their degree and
Can spend time with the baby and when they have enough resources to support the family
 
...
 
Last edited:
Some hints from my own experience of having a baby midway through MS3:

~If you are choosing a medical school with thoughts of becoming pregnant before residency, aim for one with a primary care mandate. Strong programs in Family and Peds attract other people who are balancing families with medicine, so you won't be clearing a new path. You can still match to Surgery or whatever from that school, if you want.

~If you are accepted, and considering becoming pregnant, contact your Dean of Student Affairs and sit down with them prior to conceiving. Every medical school has a different schedule, and they will suggest good times to fit in a maternity leave at your school. They will also have good insight into navigating loans and whatnot.

~Once I was pregnant, I reached out to people in the years ahead of me who I had heard had kids. I benefited from their advice on gritty details (like where to pump) so much that I sent out one mass email and discovered about 30 parents and prospective parents among the student body (across 4 years). This informal interest group has traded tips on everything from strollers to sitters to study schedules, and helps us all feel less alone.

~If you do extend, when applying I have been cautioned to remember that my school's financial generosity is abnormal. I'm only accruing another year of fees, not tuition, but whoever is reading my application may think I'm a fruitcake because at their institution it costs another $35k to extend. So be explicit about how smart your decision was.

~Enjoy it. Being a parent really enriched my clinical years. My patients often remarked how much they appreciate talking to someone who has been there and isn't just speaking from the text.
 
Members don't see this ad :)
When is the best time to have children?

Not that I have experience on the issue, but I believe a woman should have children when she is mentally and physically prepared. She should be ready monetarily, and to provide her children with a comfortable environment called "home."
 
nmoreno said:
When is the best time to have children?

Not that I have experience on the issue, but I believe a woman should have children when she is mentally and physically prepared. She should be ready monetarily, and to provide her children with a comfortable environment called "home."
Click to expand...
it obviously differs for everyone. so, i really don't think there's a right or wrong answer to your question. but, at the same time... i absolutely agree ;)
 
Hey all, I see no one has posted in awhile, but I was hoping to get an opinion. I am applying to USUHS this year (my no. 1 choice). I was wondering about military med and having kids. . . I dont want to wait until I get into residency. Anyone have any experience with having a baby while in USUHS? Do they give you maternity leave like you would have in the military? Or do they give you a year off? Also, I do want to be the best mother possible for my kids, so how would a military doc lifestyle go with having kids (I do want quite a few)? :D
 
I realize that this is a very old thread. But I'm hopeful that someone may read this and possibly give me some advice.

I'm applying to med school this cycle. I'm turning 31 in october. My first child will be born around end of august (planned) and hopefully i'll get some interviews/acceptance later this year. By the time I start med school next Fall, my boy will be 1 year old. That gives me enough time to take care of him.

However, I want to have a second kid, preferably as soon as possible. When should I have the 2nd kid in med school?

My parents are very close by (next door to me) and they will be my daycare, so as far as support, I've gotten everything planned for. I just need to know when during med school or residency or whatever... is the best time to maintain good academic standing and still have a child.

So far my current pregnancy is relatively easy. I got some fatigue in the 1st trimester but after that feeling pretty well over all.

Thanks for any opinion/advice.
 
You'll be fine. Bad eating patterns can distort your cycle. If it has returned and is back to normal, don't worry too much about it. But if you keep returning to bad eating habits, it might do damage in the long run, yes. Try to stay healthy.

If you want to be extra sure, you can always go to a gynecologist, she'll be able to answer any and all questions you might have.
 
4th year of med school because of the large amount of elective time.
Depending on the level of academic rigor of your school 1st and/or 2nd year of school might also be a possibility. Some schools may also let you stretch out 1st or 2nd year into 2 years, if you need to do something like having a baby.
3rd year or during intern year would be the worst time to have a baby, IMHO.
 
mdpdgirl said:
Can anybody comment on showing during residency interviews? Did you feel like that hurt your interview results?
Click to expand...

It will hurt at a fair number of programs depending on specialty and number of residents. Nobody should get pregnant during residency if its going to alter the schedule of the other residents in the program or increase their workload. At programs where that's the case you should/and will rightfully be ranked lower.
 
Great question PO. I'm 34 starting medical school next year. I don't have kids yet. Been thinking about this too.

Sent from my Vodafone 858 using SDN Mobile
 
I can't imagine how some of you could deal with school, works and having babies. Truly amazing!!

I can't even think about it, maybe after school I would consider it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

drbatsandwich
Having another kid during MS1/2?
Replies
3
Views
2K
watchfulwaiting1957
watchfulwaiting1957
calculatorwatermelon
Taking time off before medical school to have kids
Replies
6
Views
5K
dragonfly99
D
C
When to get pregnant?
Replies
2
Views
4K
watchfulwaiting1957
watchfulwaiting1957
B
Can female surgeons have it all?
Replies
38
Views
14K
kitsunepixie
kitsunepixie
C
Residency tracts for women who have kids
Replies
2
Views
9K
slowlybutshelly
slowlybutshelly
Top