What are the weirdest/most uncomfortable interactions with patients you've had so far?

[slowthai]

I'm just curious.

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[clausewitz2]

Elderly man in ED: "where you from, son?"

Me: " well, I'm from <Major City Rather Distant From Here That Is Not New York>"

Elderly man: *suspicious squint* "You ain't Jewish, are ya? Cause it's the Jews and the n-"

Me: "...just need to listen to your heart for a moment, sir, so I have to ask you to hold that thought..."

 

[dankpepe]

This happened on my family medicine clerkship but I think it's worth sharing.

A patient started off her encounter by telling me her daughter is a former beauty queen, then tells me her daughter complains that the only men who ever flirt with her are blacks and Muslims, and somewhere in the conversation she slips in the fact that her daughter is a virgin. When I was finishing the encounter, she made the comment that her daughter needs to remember there are good white men who are doctors.

 

[wholeheartedly]

LOL, well that was subtle.

This happened on my family medicine clerkship but I think it's worth sharing.

A patient started off her encounter by telling me her daughter is a former beauty queen, then tells me her daughter complains that the only men who ever flirt with her are blacks and Muslims, and somewhere in the conversation she slips in the fact that her daughter is a virgin. When I was finishing the encounter, she made the comment that her daughter needs to remember there are good white men who are doctors.

 

[wholeheartedly]

Not really awkward or anything. Just made me chuckle. I was the patient.

At the end of the appt. with a very painfully shy resident...

Doc: So, do you want to come back and see me in a month? I mean... you don't have to. It's alright if you come in and see other people. I mean, sometimes it's just easier to keep seeing the same person than try to hook up with someone new and figure things out again.

Me (trying desperately hard to resist the urge to be a smart-ass and say "Gee doc, I'm not really the see multiple people kind of girl"): Um, sure. That's fine.

 

[SLC]

Had a preceptor (pediatrician) get busted for child pornography. The guy didn't let off even the smallest creeper vibe and never seemed to do anything even remotely innapropriate with or to the kids. I was legitimately shocked when it happened, as was everyone else in the office. He just didn't show up to work one day and after a few hours of nobody being able to contact him I saw his mugshot on the local news website. I had seen like 4 patients and had them waiting for him to come by and see them, and had to explain that "he wasn't coming today after all and that his partner would see them instead"

A few patient encounters with the new preceptor (one of the partners in the office) were super awkward. He'd get questions like "I feel like I should get to know you better than I did Dr. Pedophile, what's your favorite thing to do outside of work?" "What type of stuff do you like to look up online?"

Legit questions from a rightfully freaked out patient base, but super awkward for the partners.

Patient's parents also kept asking me if I had any inkling something was going on with the other doctor before he was busted. You don't know how hard it was to keep back the sarcasm on that. Like I wouldn't have alerted someone if I had any reason to think there was anything like that going on.

 

[preDoGuy24]

Had a preceptor (pediatrician) get busted for child pornography. The guy didn't let off even the smallest creeper vibe and never seemed to do anything even remotely innapropriate with or to the kids. I was legitimately shocked when it happened, as was everyone else in the office.

A few patient encounters with the new preceptor (one of the partners in the office) were super awkward. He'd get questions like "I feel like I should get to know you better than I did Dr. Pedophile, what's your favorite thing to do outside of work?" "What type of stuff do you like to look up online?"

Legit questions from a rightfully freaked out patient base, but super awkward for the partners.

Patient's parents also kept asking me if I had any inkling something was going on with the other doctor before he was busted. You don't know how hard it was to keep back the sarcasm on that. Like I wouldn't have alerted someone if I had any reason to think there was anything like that going on.

Just won the thread, Jesus Christ that's messed up.

 

[SLC]

Just won the thread, Jesus Christ that's messed up.

Yep and this was an elective Peds rotation that I set up myself. The guy wasn't expected to teach students, he did it completely voluntarily.

He was listed as a preceptor at my state MD school; they were quick to distance themselves from him and point out he hadn't taught any of their students.

I'm still pissed off that he agreed to take me, I asked if any of the partners would be willing and he was the one who agreed. If you're doing that $&@% you shouldn't be taking students; you shouldn't even be in practice. As far as I'm concerned you should strap a concrete block to your feet and jump in a lake. Especially as a pediatrician! We even did a suspected abuse evaluation on one little boy, how could that guy live with himself knowing that he is involved in something that directly causes the abuse of children?

I'm just lucky one of the other pediatricians in the office was willing to finish up the rotation with me, it could have been ugly trying to sort the logistics of a ¾ finished rotation and no preceptor available to evaluate me.

 

[styphon]

I was seeing a young teenage patient for behavior issues as I resident. When I got up to leave, she got up, pinned me against the door frame, and grinded her pelvis against me until her mom yelled and pulled her off of me. I was so incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed.

Come to think of it, I experienced the most sexual harassment from patients (both male and female) for a male in my residency. I think its my quiet demeanor, as I am not that good looking.

 

[wholeheartedly]

Hopefully they gave you honors.

Yep and this was an elective Peds rotation that I set up myself. The guy wasn't expected to teach students, he did it completely voluntarily.

He was listed as a preceptor at my state MD school; they were quick to distance themselves from him and point out he hadn't taught any of their students.

I'm still pissed off that he agreed to take me, I asked if any of the partners would be willing and he was the one who agreed. If you're doing that $&@% you shouldn't be taking students; you shouldn't even be in practice. As far as I'm concerned you should strap a concrete block to your feet and jump in a lake. Especially as a pediatrician! We even did a suspected abuse evaluation on one little boy, how could that guy live with himself knowing that he is involved in something that directly causes the abuse of children?

I'm just lucky one of the other pediatricians in the office was willing to finish up the rotation with me, it could have been ugly trying to sort the logistics of a ¾ finished rotation and no preceptor available to evaluate me.

 

[Doctor Bob]

The guy wasn't expected to teach students, he did it completely voluntarily.

Pediatricians can be a strange bunch.

I had a pediatrician tell me once "if you ever want to beat your kids, just hit them on the front of their legs between the knees and ankles. Everyone expects kids to have bruises there."

 

[bambi]

I did a catheter on an old guy and afterwards I was replacing the foreskin and he was telling me I looked just like his granddaughter, his foreskin was getting more difficult to pull to the end as he was saying this, took me a few seconds to figure out why

 

[j4pac]

I was an OMS-3 about to perform my first well-woman exam. People present: myself, my attending, female standby, female patient, female patient's insecure boyfriend.

Was I was performing the breast exam, my attending asks the patient, "Did you have breast implants?" Patient replies, "Yes." My attending comments, "Your surgeon did a good job."

I finished the breast exam, and proceeded with the pap smear. I was so nervous because of my jackass attending. The entire time, the patient's insecure boyfriend was in the room giving both of us the stink eye.

 

[touchpause13]

Walking in on patients masturbating. Has happened three times now.

How do you respond to that?

 

[Dral]

Changed.

I had someone try to claim that Botox would be covered by their insurance to treat their depression. That was an interesting encounter.

 

[bashwell]

Not particularly interesting or anything, but here's mine:

Female OB/GYN resident directs me (male med student) to perform a pap smear on a young female patient. I'm nervous since this is the first time I've done one on a real patient. But patient doesn't mind and in fact tells me "it's fine" and "go for it" as I assume she noticed I was nervous. As she spreads her legs, and I insert the speculum, she tells me again it's fine and to "really get inside of me." She says this at the same time she sort of tilts her head back and closes her eyes (according to the OB/GYN resident who tells me about this afterwards). The OB/GYN resident who was observing at this point bursts out laughing. I start laughing. Patient starts laughing. Everyone is laughing. Great, now I'm too embarrassed and can't go on, and I ask the OB/GYN resident who takes over.

 

[Member 1337]

Third-year med stud 1337, first day on the ol' family medicine rotation at the community health department.

Middle-aged woman with a really sweet disposition comes in, cough and sniffles.

As I'm taking a look at her throat, making sure to go by-the-book with the old-school tongue depressor stick, I notice and remark, "you don't have a gag reflex," to which she smiles and says, "you can get rid of that if you want to, just takes practice."

Awkward eye-contact ensues.

 

[docphd]

Changed.

I had someone try to claim that Botox would be covered by their insurance to treat their depression. That was an interesting encounter.

lol; She/he must have read this

http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/APA/51696

 

[jthedestroyr]

Walking in on patients masturbating. Has happened three times now.

Totally happened to me when I was a MS III. Resident proceeds to interview said patient not noticing patient has blanket covering them, while the room wasn't really cold. Patient isn't really responding to inquiries (quick pre-op on an inpatient) until resident started checking for IV access, notices hands under blanket and blanket "tent." Stops dead in her tracks, turns around and walks out with me following.

 

[j4pac]

Walking in on patients masturbating. Has happened three times now.

Winner winner chicken dinner.

 

[HighPriest]

Definitely had patients spanking the monkey when I walked in.

Had a patient under versed tell the anesthesiologist that she only came to me for surgery because she thought I was attractive. She continued on about that subject, in detail, until she was completely asleep. I know that technically she should have some amnestic effect, but when I saw her in the hallway (she works at the hospital) a few days later she turned red as a lobster.

As a med student, I had a young patient come out of anesthesia. She told me she wanted the opinion of a "good looking guy" as to whether or not her surgeon did a good job on her breast implants. She then tried to show me - every time walked past - in the PACU.

Didn't happen to me, but I had an severely injured young man repeatedly ask one of my female co-interns to shave his junk. Like, every morning on rounds.

 

[HighPriest]

When i was a med student, many a year ago, I was on a fairly busy trauma service. We had essentially one night over 2 months where nothing significant came in, which was a miracle. Then about 3:30am the Chief Resident comes pounding on the door, obviously irritated. He says "High Priest..." (Well, he didn't call me that, but you get it) "You ever done an anoscopy??"
Of course, the socially acceptable answer is no.
"Well, you're going to do one tonight, get your $#!T"

So it turns out that a few hours prior, a repeat offender had come to the ER. She was a morbidly (375lbs) obese lady with significant medical problems (psyche and otherwise). She was well known for shoving things in her bum and then coming to the hospital to get them removed (Universal remote, a handful of silverware, what-have-you). This time she had put a fluorescent light bulb in her bum, and it had broken. So we had to check her out. The Chief was angry because of the hour, the break in a nearly perfect night, and due to the fact that he had removed the silverware and the remote on previous nights past.

So we go to the OR, we scope her. There's nothing to be found. She gets admitted. By the time we're out, it's time to round on our 20-something patient trauma service. We get to her room last. The chief says "High Priest, you come with me, you were in the OR. The rest of you wait here." He's obviously still a bit angry. We walk into the room, she's having breakfast and smiling until he opens with:

"Why'd you put glass in your @$$?"
She's staring, slack jawed.
"You know, in any other country in the world, if you put glass in your @$$ they would think "Well, you must have wanted it there," and they'd let you keep it. Only in America do we repeatedly take care of you so that you can stick more stuff up your @$$ and keep coming back. (He was born outside of the US). The next time you get the urge to stick something up your @$$, stick it in your vagina instead. You'll do less damage that way."

Then he heel spins, walks out, makes the "washing my hands" motion and says "Now she's OB/GYNs problem."

2 hours later she had stuck sharpened pencils in her vagina, and we transferred her to the GYN service.

 

[HighPriest]

When I was a wee resident, we had a patient come in after a motorcycle accident. he was drunk. His ear had been almost completely avulsed. I asked him what happened, and he said he wrecked his bike. I told him that his ear had almost come off, and he said he knew that, but that it wasn't because of the accident. I asked him how he figures he ear almost came off if not for the motorcycle crash, and he says:

"Well, doc, I wrecked my bike and I was lying there on the side of the road, and a deer came out of the woods and bit my ear off."

I searched his face for some kind of deadpan humor, but there was none to be found. So I asked: "Are you sure it was a deer, not the motorcycle wreck?"

He says "No way, I remember that deer...." and gazes off into the distance.

Those carnivorous deer, waiting along the side of the interstate for poor drunken motocyclists....

 

[HighPriest]

There's nothing that'll beat that pediatrician one....
I've a pretty reasonable second, but I can't tell it yet....

 

[j4pac]

I've been under on Versed before. I woke up talking gibberish about sex...slowly regaining insight as my rant continued. Versed releases the subconscious.

 

[j4pac]

When i was a med student, many a year ago, I was on a fairly busy trauma service. We had essentially one night over 2 months where nothing significant came in, which was a miracle. Then about 3:30am the Chief Resident comes pounding on the door, obviously irritated. He says "High Priest..." (Well, he didn't call me that, but you get it) "You ever done an anoscopy??"
Of course, the socially acceptable answer is no.
"Well, you're going to do one tonight, get your $#!T"

So it turns out that a few hours prior, a repeat offender had come to the ER. She was a morbidly (375lbs) obese lady with significant medical problems (psyche and otherwise). She was well known for shoving things in her bum and then coming to the hospital to get them removed (Universal remote, a handful of silverware, what-have-you). This time she had put a fluorescent light bulb in her bum, and it had broken. So we had to check her out. The Chief was angry because of the hour, the break in a nearly perfect night, and due to the fact that he had removed the silverware and the remote on previous nights past.

So we go to the OR, we scope her. There's nothing to be found. She gets admitted. By the time we're out, it's time to round on our 20-something patient trauma service. We get to her room last. The chief says "High Priest, you come with me, you were in the OR. The rest of you wait here." He's obviously still a bit angry. We walk into the room, she's having breakfast and smiling until he opens with:

"Why'd you put glass in your @$$?"
She's staring, slack jawed.
"You know, in any other country in the world, if you put glass in your @$$ they would think "Well, you must have wanted it there," and they'd let you keep it. Only in America do we repeatedly take care of you so that you can stick more stuff up your @$$ and keep coming back. (He was born outside of the US). The next time you get the urge to stick something up your @$$, stick it in your vagina instead. You'll do less damage that way."

Then he heel spins, walks out, makes the "washing my hands" motion and says "Now she's OB/GYNs problem."

2 hours later she had stuck sharpened pencils in her vagina, and we transferred her to the GYN service.

I can't stop laughing. I can't stop!!!

 

[touchpause13]

I can't stop laughing. I can't stop!!!

I am died.

Hahahha Wtf lady????

 

[VentJockey]

I was an intern and my resident and I were evaluating a very masculine looking woman in the ER. My resident asked, "Are you originally a woman?" to which the patient replies, "Excuse me?!"" So he says, "I mean, were you born a woman or are you transsexual?" The patient says, "I have PCOS"

Oh it was so awkward.....

 

[touchpause13]

I was an intern and my resident and I were evaluating a very masculine looking woman in the ER. My resident asked, "Are you originally a woman?" to which the patient replies, "Excuse me?!"" So he says, "I mean, were you born a woman or are you transsexual?" The patient says, "I have PCOS"

Oh it was so awkward.....

This is why you never make assumptions.

 

[bashwell]

I was an intern and my resident and I were evaluating a very masculine looking woman in the ER. My resident asked, "Are you originally a woman?" to which the patient replies, "Excuse me?!"" So he says, "I mean, were you born a woman or are you transsexual?" The patient says, "I have PCOS"

Oh it was so awkward.....

When I was a well-intentioned but extremely naive if not outright stupid teenager, I congratulated an acquaintance on her pregnancy. I immediately learned she was not and never had been pregnant. I felt so bad, but she probably felt far worse. Yes, bashwell = idiot.

 

[touchpause13]

When I was a well-intentioned but extremely naive if not outright stupid teenager, I congratulated an acquaintance on her pregnancy. I immediately learned she was not and never had been pregnant. I felt so bad, but she probably felt far worse. Yes, bashwell = idiot.

Never ever comment on a pregnancy unless she is in labor. I can't even imagine how embarrassing that must have been

 

[Siggy]

I'm just lucky one of the other pediatricians in the office was willing to finish up the rotation with me, it could have been ugly trying to sort the logistics of a ¾ finished rotation and no preceptor available to evaluate me.

For an elective?

Naw, that should be an easy solution for any rotations department worth their salt. Seriously, the answer is a week of 'self directed study' and an administrative honors or high pass.

 

[SLC]

For an elective?

Naw, that should be an easy solution for any rotations department worth their salt. Seriously, the answer is a week of 'self directed study' and an administrative honors or high pass.

Ha ha, rotations department. Try some chick in her 20's sitting in a cubicle with no prior experience.

 

[SLC]

Deleted, decided against the story.

 

[Promethean]

I've told this before:

I worked in a pediatric hospital's OR for several years. One Saturday night, a young man, about 15, presented in my pre-op area for an appendectomy, accompanied by mom and dad. They seemed a loving family, both parents professionals and the young man bright and talented. He was chatting with us pleasantly enough despite his discomfort.

The versed was administered and like a light switch was flipped, the patient's demeanor changed. He turned from politely stoic into a flaming twink. He was suddenly about 15 seconds from coming out to his parents. Their faces said that they already knew and were probably going to be okay with it, but this was really not the time or place for that conversation. I was like "Okay! Hugs and Kisses! I gotta get him back into the OR right now!"

Lady Gaga was on the sound system when we rolled him in, and they had to have overheard him scream out "O! M! G! This is my JAM!"

 

[Member 1337]

Buddy was a resident on the Coronary Care Unit. Trying to rush through pre-rounds, he asks the med student to verify if their patient was on home O2.

Nervous third-year comes back a couple minutes later, looking a bit flustered. "Sir, the patient is a heterosexual."

Every day after that, someone would sneak "patient is a heterosexual" while presenting cases to the attending, who would look puzzled but drive on.

 

[NeedToStudy]

How do you respond to that?

You join them obviously. Jesus TP get with the program.

Buddy was a resident on the Coronary Care Unit. Trying to rush through pre-rounds, he asks the med student to verify if their patient was on home O2.

Nervous third-year comes back a couple minutes later, looking a bit flustered. "Sir, the patient is a heterosexual."

Every day after that, someone would sneak "patient is a heterosexual" while presenting cases to the attending, who would look puzzled but drive on.

Deleted, decided against the story.

Story!Story!Story!

 

[chocomorsel]

Had a patient when I was an intern at the VA. Old guy 70 or 80. First time talking to him he was short and rude to me. Didn't want to answer my questions or let me examine him. I had an inkling why. Then when my senior and medstudent comes and we go in together and he is the sweetest thing ever. Kind, talkative, eye contact with senior and student while completely ignoring me. Like night and day with me vs. them. I was disgusted and walked out. Told the senior outside the room that the old bastard was racist and I didn't want to see him anymore. Med student says that as soon as I walked out he said he didn't like no N......r touching him, don't care if she is a doctor!

As s hole!. Well, one less patient for me!!!

 

[NeedToStudy]

Had a patient when I was an intern at the VA. Old guy 70 or 80. First time talking to him he was short and rude to me. Didn't want to answer my questions or let me examine him. I had an inkling why. Then when my senior and medstudent comes and we go in together and he is the sweetest thing ever. Kind, talkative, eye contact with senior and student while completely ignoring me. Like night and day with me vs. them. I was disgusted and walked out. Told the senior outside the room that the old bastard was racist and I didn't want to see him anymore. Med student says that as soon as I walked out he said he didn't like no N......r touching him, don't care if she is a doctor!

As s hole!. Well, one less patient for me!!!

Holy f***ing s**t

 

[wholeheartedly]

Another one as the patient.

Note: in real life, especially at the time this occurred during my jr year in h.s. I was very very shy and quiet. Also you probably could only get me to sing in front of anyone by forcing me at gunpoint.

So I'm lying in the preop area waiting to go in for surgery. My mom was sitting next to me and the anesthesiologist walks in and asks "how are you feeling"

I said, "pretty nervous actually"

He starts injecting something into the IV and goes, "don't worry, this stuff will make the walls move"

A few minutes later I'm staring up at the ceiling past the IV bag going "drip, drip, drip, drip"

Mom: what are you doing?

Me: counting the drops ...drip, drip, drip......you know I kinda feel like singing the Oscar Meier wiener song...

Alarm from blanket warmer sounds. Someone walks by with an empty bed with ruffled blankets

Me (with a horrified look): uh oh! Somebody didn't make it .......*giggling with no idea why*

Anesthesiologist swings by again: so how are you feeling now? Any better?

Me: yeah!! *more giggling* what is this stuff?

Anesth.: ...Illegal.

 

[IJL]

Another one as the patient.

Note: in real life, especially at the time this occurred during my jr year in h.s. I was very very shy and quiet. Also you probably could only get me to sing in front of anyone by forcing me at gunpoint.

So I'm lying in the preop area waiting to go in for surgery. My mom was sitting next to me and the anesthesiologist walks in and asks "how are you feeling"

I said, "pretty nervous actually"

He starts injecting something into the IV and goes, "don't worry, this stuff will make the walls move"

A few minutes later I'm staring up at the ceiling past the IV bag going "drip, drip, drip, drip"

Mom: what are you doing?

Me: counting the drops ...drip, drip, drip......you know I kinda feel like singing the Oscar Meier wiener song...

Alarm from blanket warmer sounds. Someone walks by with an empty bed with ruffled blankets

Me (with a horrified look): uh oh! Somebody didn't make it .......*giggling with no idea why*

Anesthesiologist swings by again: so how are you feeling now? Any better?

Me: yeah!! *more giggling* what is this stuff?

Anesth.: ...Illegal.

Were you on a versed drip while typing this out?

 

[wholeheartedly]

Were you on a versed drip while typing this out?

Typing on my iPad while trying to eat and fend off the pups... So close enough.

 

[FrkyBgStok]

deleted.

 

[FattySlug]

Here is mine. During my family med clerkship, I saw a female patient who came in for routine health maintenance visit. She is a 30 something years old sweet, tall and large black lady. When I finished the encounter and came back with my receptor she said to my preceptor about me "Oh my God, he is sooo cute. I just want to take him home, put him on my couch and dress him up like a doll." I am a skinny 5'7 Asian guy.

 

[rokshana]

Here is mine. During my family med clerkship, I saw a female patient who came in for routine health maintenance visit. She is a 30 something years old sweet, tall and large black lady. When I finished the encounter and came back with my receptor she said to my preceptor about me "Oh my God, he is sooo cute. I just want to take him home, put him on my couch and dress him up like a doll." I am a skinny 5'7 Asian guy.

that's your weirdest? just sounds like you are in med school somewhere in the South.

 

[deleted480308]

this thread is great

 

[FattySlug]

that's your weirdest? just sounds like you are in med school somewhere in the South.

Nope. I am only MSIV so that's all I got haha.

 

[URHere]

A psych patient with a history of stalking/fixating on female health care workers told me that he believed I could read his mind because we were secretly related. This really wasn't unusual until after he was discharged - he tried to "connect" with me on linked-in using no fewer than 5 aliases (which I turned down, obviously). Things got really awkward when he was readmitted.

 

[Wolf02]

My obgyn rotation there was a lady asking me about her husband's vasectomy. She was thinking of having it reversed because they might want another kid. She was worried about all the "old backed up sperm" in there and whether it had mutated and would give her ******ed kids.

 

[VisionaryTics]

Will second the "walked in on the patient masturbating" story. Dude was POD#1 from a transphenoidal hypophysectomy, and the entire ENT team walked in to his room in the neuro ICU before pulling back the drapes. We had to explain that masturbating is against nasal precautions.

Also, as a med student, I was seeing a patient in the VA ER, being admitted for pneumonia or something. In the middle of talking to me, he whipped his junk out and started peeing into his jug (he is standing), never stopping talking. I asked if he wanted privacy. He said no.

Also, had an epistaxis patient insist she had sneezed a worm out her nose. She demanded I dig through the massive pile of clots in her basin to find it. Not sure why I did.