Should I and my fiancé go to same or diff medical schools?

[skyblue7119]

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[DrfluffyMD]

Which schools?

 

[Petypet]

Go to the same school. No one ever said let me willingly do a long distance relationship to develop a stronger bond with people I don't yet know. Stay organized and you won't distract each other

 

[DrfluffyMD]

Go to the same school. No one ever said let me willingly do a long distance relationship to develop a stronger bond with people I don't yet know. Stay organized and you won't distract each other

Recently a couple posted on the forum. Instead of going to UIC and pitt, they would go to a PCOM and drexel or something along that line. In that case they should go to separate school in order to set up a vastly better couple's match position.

 

[ortnakas]

Don't be in a long-distance relationship long-term voluntarily. No reason to double the tension on your relationship or your bank account.

 

[Cawolf]

If the relationship is important to you, go to the same school.

Though a better answer would be provided if you named specific schools.

 

[DO2015CA]

Like everyone says it depends on the schools. If they're the same MD school go to it regardless of tier. If one would have to go to a DO school instead of an MD school in order to attend the same school, then go to different schools. If both options are DO schools, then go to the same school

 

[Soccer171983]

Take it for what its worth from the guy who married in medical school and divorced in residency. Distance makes it tough. Even if you attempt to talk and skype all the time its difficult with time zones if across the country.I was in ohio and ex wife was in california. I would highly suggest same location. Distance = tension and stress. Keeping busy is gonna happen no matter what but its better when your struggling together as opposed to apart.

 

[DrfluffyMD]

Take it for what its worth from the guy who married in medical school and divorced in residency. Distance makes it tough. Even if you attempt to talk and skype all the time its difficult with time zones if across the country.I was in ohio and ex wife was in california. I would highly suggest same location. Distance = tension and stress. Keeping busy is gonna happen no matter what but its better when your struggling together as opposed to apart.

On the flip side. I know a couple who decided not to couple's match. The girl matched into top 5 optho and the guy matched into bottom tier gen surg. They got married and are thriving.

I am leaving my gf to pursue a big name fellowship.

The more important thing is to not breed resentment. I would have resented my gf if she forced me to stay with her (and go to a fellowship magnitidues weaker). Note this fellowship is one year.

Do talk to your significant other and see how important job and career satisification can be. Going to a highly ranked md school vs a non ranked school can make a difference career wise.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

On the flip side. I know a couple who decided not to couple's match. The girl matched into top 5 optho and the guy matched into bottom tier gen surg. They got married and are thriving.

I am leaving my gf to pursue a big name fellowship.

The more important thing is to not breed resentment. I would have resented my gf if she forced me to stay with her (and go to a fellowship magnitidues weaker). Note this fellowship is one year.

Do talk to your significant other and see how important job and career satisification can be. Going to a highly ranked md school vs a non ranked school can make a difference career wise.

That's awesome. You took initiative and aren't selling yourself short over some chick. Props to you my man!

 

[DrfluffyMD]

That's awesome. You took initiative and aren't selling yourself short over some chick. Props to you my man!

Well no, it's all about the indivdual need and wants. I need a strong fellowship training for career satisfication and my relationship is relatively new. If I am married or the fellowship is longer than a year the story would be different.

 

[Soccer171983]

Well no, it's all about the indivdual need and wants. I need a strong fellowship training for career satisfication and my relationship is relatively new. If I am married or the fellowship is longer than a year the story would be different.

One thing that I can tell you for certain is that if issues exist within the relationship, distance will definitely help bring them out because they can do that in even the strongest relationships! A lot of give and take is involved to make it work. You have to also consider what is worth jeopardizing. Is it worth it to you to jeopardize your career or your relationship more? That may be the factor as it was with DrFlufflyMD, who obviously knows what he wants and needs. Best advice is know yourself and what makes you happy. Best of luck!

 

[GUH]

4.5 hours is a very long distance. I only know of one classmate whose relationship lasted at that distance and his girlfriend worked an office job with regular hours, which is less stressful than medical school. All of the other long-distance relationships fizzled out quickly.
If you want to stay together, go to the same school. It's no guarantee that it will work out, but distance is a huge obstacle.

 

[DrfluffyMD]

4.5 hours is a very long distance. I only know of one classmate whose relationship lasted at that distance and his girlfriend worked an office job with regular hours, which is less stressful than medical school. All of the other long-distance relationships fizzled out quickly.
If you want to stay together, go to the same school. It's no guarantee that it will work out, but distance is a huge obstacle.

someone will have to sacrifice a lot. You have to figure out how to balance dream vs love like la la land.

 

[IsWhat]

Like has been stated - each person/couple needs to make the best decision for their own particular situation(s). I will say, though, the world is filled to the brim with people who regretted pursuing career over relationship.

 

[DrfluffyMD]

Like has been stated - each person/couple needs to make the best decision for their own particular situation(s). I will say, though, the world is filled to the brim with people who regretted pursuing career over relationship.

And when you talk to attendings, those who pursued an ex partner over their dream career. 50:50 really.

 

[IsWhat]

And when you talk to attendings, those who pursued an ex partner over their dream career. 50:50 really.

Everyone has short term regrets - I'm talking about the regrets someone is going to feel at the end of their life. There are some good books with authors interviewing thousands of dying people and career literally never comes up. Relationships in all forms seems to be the biggest area of regret for most people, but to each their own.

 

[DrfluffyMD]

Everyone has short term regrets - I'm talking about the regrets someone is going to feel at the end of their life. There are some good books with authors interviewing thousands of dying people and career literally never comes up. Relationships in all forms seems to be the biggest area of regret for most people, but to each their own.

Yes, regrets like sacrificing so much for a partner that didn't pan out. As some people would say, your training last you a life time but your marriage may not.

So this is an indivdual decision. If you are in a strong relationship, do so, but ensure there isn't resentment. If you are sacrificing something important to appease a partner and think there will be resentment, it won't bold well.

 

[IsWhat]

Yes, regrets like sacrificing so much for a partner that didn't pan out. As some people would say, your training last you a life time but your marriage may not.

So this is an indivdual decision. If you are in a strong relationship, do so, but ensure there isn't resentment. If you are sacrificing something important to appease a partner and think there will be resentment, it won't bold well.

You are absolutely correct. Everyone needs to make decisions for themselves, and not everyone fits a certain mold. But on a professional forum where career seems to be king - it's important to point out the pitfalls that may come from that pursuit.

 

[DrfluffyMD]

You are absolutely correct. Everyone needs to make decisions for themselves, and not everyone fits a certain mold. But on a professional forum where career seems to be king - it's important to point out the pitfalls that may come from that pursuit.

I personally think that even if there is a little bit of resentment, it can poison a relationship.

I know personally, that I do not want to stay in the midwest and do training locally. My partner also do not want to stay here but cannot relocate due to her training. This way, I can spare head our return to California by doing a great fellowship, and since I know our relationship is strong enough, we'll be fine.

However, if our relationship doesnt turn out, then I am in the location I want and can start something a new.

Meanwhile, if I stayed here for her and we don't work out, I would essentially be chained to a location away from my home state for a long time due to the weaker training and pull of fellowship around here and any other partner I find are likely want to stay here.

 

[IsWhat]

I personally think that even if there is a little bit of resentment, it can poison a relationship.

I know personally, that I do not want to stay in the midwest and do training locally. My partner also do not want to stay here but cannot relocate due to her training. This way, I can spare head our return to California by doing a great fellowship, and since I know our relationship is strong enough, we'll be fine.

However, if our relationship doesnt turn out, then I am in the location I want and can start something a new.

Meanwhile, if I stayed here for her and we don't work out, I would essentially be chained to a location away from my home state for a long time due to the weaker training and pull of fellowship around here and any other partner I find are likely want to stay here.

See in your case I don't think you are just blindly pursuing career success over everything else. It seems like there is a plan there and your gf is on board as well. My point is this - books and songs have been written for centuries warning us about pursuing success and careers over family/friends/relationships and yet we never seem to get the point.

There are a lot of young people on this forum and with so many relationship topics popping up I thought I'd give my 2 cents from a non-trad perspective.

*And to be clear, I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue and/or put time into a career (practicing medicine at a high level is very time consuming). I'm just saying tread lightly.

 

[cbrons]

Hi,

Would it be better for us to go to same medical school so that we don't have to waste time visiting each other every week? (We'll be 4.5 hrs away from each other)

Or would we be more productive going to different schools? So that we don't distract each other from studying. Also we would be able to make more meaningful relationships with our classmates since we might spend a lot of time together studying in our apartment if we attend school together.

Thanks!


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This is a joke question, right? You are asking if your wife should go to the same school or several hours away? Do you not like your wife or something lol.

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[CatsAreFunnerThanDogs]

i don't think distance is a good idea.. you guys will see each other as less as it is.. why take the risk.

 

[NontradCA]

And when you talk to attendings, those who pursued an ex partner over their dream career. 50:50 really.

People who are actually attendings and use the term "dream career" to describe what they do probably don't have much in the way of partners.

 

[DrfluffyMD]

People who are actually attendings and use the term "dream career" to describe what they do probably don't have much in the way of partners.

Source?

 

[DrfluffyMD]

It looks like the OP gave up an MD acceptance and his partner went from a top 20 school to an unranked school in order to stay together locally.

Good luck in your future and the match! Remember, don't be resentful.

 

[NurWollen]

It looks like the OP gave up an MD acceptance and his partner went from a top 20 school to an unranked school in order to stay together locally.

Good luck in your future and the match! Remember, don't be resentful.

If they're serious about their relationship, they made the right choice.

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[DrfluffyMD]

If they're serious about their relationship, they made the right choice.

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There is no right choice in this situation.

 

[ortnakas]

There is no right choice in this situation.

No wrong choice either, though. It's a personal decision.