Relationships and School

[fruitcake]

Hey everyone,

So I am about to be an MS1, and currently, my boyfriend of 1.5 years is planning on moving across the country with me. I was just wondering if anybody has any experience with this, or know many people who have done this in your classes. Is it common, or do most people break up?

Thanks for your opinions.

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[Redpancreas]

Hey everyone,

So I am about to be an MS1, and currently, my boyfriend of 1.5 years is planning on moving across the country with me. I was just wondering if anybody has any experience with this, or know many people who have done this in your classes. Is it common, or do most people break up?

Thanks for your opinions.

Sounds like a committed dude...what's the issue?

As for relationships in general use the search function. To answer your questions briefly there are a lot of break ups during first year as people's priorities change with school. It also depends how long you've been together and how you two are. GL

 

[sovereign0]

Most of my classmates in relationships met their SOs prior to starting medical school. Most of them are long-distance though.

A handful live together, and they seem to have solid relationships. The SO isn't in medicine in either situation. Will they last? Are they having problems? No idea.

Of course, there are a number of married folks in my class too who live with their SOs. Some have kids.

Not sure what else to tell you. There's a lot of variation. Best thing to do is just roll with it and see how things work out.

 

[DNC127]

Had a few in my class divorce/break up already... had a few cheat on their SO with classmates who were also cheating on their SO... Had a couple get married.... basically it depends on you and your SO what happens. Are you willing to give your relationship the time it needs and sacrifice some points on the test? Or does medicine come first? If medicine comes first, I wouldn't recommend a relationship in medical school.

 

[Levo]

Hey everyone,

So I am about to be an MS1, and currently, my boyfriend of 1.5 years is planning on moving across the country with me. I was just wondering if anybody has any experience with this, or know many people who have done this in your classes. Is it common, or do most people break up?

Thanks for your opinions.

It's a mixed bag. There are people in my class whose relationships survived 4 years of long distance, and there were people whose partners moved with them who are still happily together. There were people who ended long distance relationships, and there were people who broke up with partners who relocated for them. I don't think that the breakups have anything to do with medical school in particular though; it's just that statistically, most relationships are doomed to fail regardless of the circumstances. If you feel like he's the one and that the two of you are meant to be together, then maybe you will. If not, then there's your answer.

 

[fruitcake]

thanks for the replies! i think the thing im most worried about is making him move all the way across the country, and then having him be unhappy

 

[Hakuna Matata]

It's very common. Many classmates of mine came to school in similar situations. Just make sure he knows what he's getting into (you'll be MIA a lot... like a lot... while studying). Granted, not all happy endings-- a few major breakups in my class, including a divorce. But it's possible to maintain a healthy relationship- My SO moved across the country with me for med school and we are now married and expecting baby #2. Good luck!!!


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[Gibbward]

I'm an incoming MS1 as well, but my SO moved with me from the West Coast to the East Coast right after college. I think it's really important to have an honest and open conversation about what's ahead if he does move with you. We obviously can't guess whether your SO will be unhappy or not - that really depends on how quickly he can get a job, find new friends, how much he'll like the new city, how flexible/outgoing he is, etc. He's also gotta understand just how busy you'll be and that you won't be spending a lot of time together compared to before med school. But yeah, talk about it, set your expectations, and hope for the best. Good luck!

 

[673441]

Hey everyone,

So I am about to be an MS1, and currently, my boyfriend of 1.5 years is planning on moving across the country with me. I was just wondering if anybody has any experience with this, or know many people who have done this in your classes. Is it common, or do most people break up?

Thanks for your opinions.

Don't cheat like the slutty chicks in my class LOL! For real, not cool.


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[BaylorBear97]

I was in a relationship during my first semester of undergrad and before the break up my grades were all A's.... then towards finals our relationship ended and my grades tanked. If you believe that this is the one, then go for it and don't hold back. Just don't let this ruin your future. Sorry to be blunt but I refuse to sugar coat anything.

I hope this was relevant in some way.

 

[OnePunchBiopsy]

Sounds like a good support system to me!

Just make sure you also make friends in medical school and don't let your relationship prevent you from meeting your classmates!

 

[fruitcake]

thanks for all of the replies its made me feel a lot more reassured

 

[neurodjent]

My SO and I are engaged, have been living together for 2 years, and are moving across the country together for med school. We have had an open dialogue about this transition for a while and are both prepared for it to be really hard. We have established is that while I am in school working hard, she will be at work working hard, which is actually both of us focusing on setting up a great foundation for our future together. We are both really easy going, adaptable, and understanding of the situation we face. I think it is more about the people in the relationship than medical school when it comes to success and failures of a relationship. Strong communication skills and a desire to make things work out sounds like the recipe for success.

Good Luck! I hope it all works out!

 

[EleanorAbernathyMD]

Don't cheat like the slutty chicks in my class LOL! For real, not cool.


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Way to call out the "slutty chicks" rather than name call/implicate males in your class who have participated in similar. Double standard much?

 

[mistafab]

Hey there OP

I moved across the country with my significant other. She moved with me after we had a solid amount of time together and we determined we wanted to stay together.

Our relationship has been excellent. I will say, however, that you realize the sacrifice that you are asking your partner to make. They are moving away from whatever network they had there, to just live with you as their only support. It is tough to transition, especially for the time it takes to get jobs and get settled into a new location. So while you may meet classmates and make friends, your significant other may be having a hard time meeting people, looking for a job, etc.

Yeah, it is working out with me and my GF, but it does take work. I asked her to sacrifice a lot. So make sure that you are serious about the relationship to ask your significant other to move. If you see in your heart that you are just having a good time, make sure you make it clear. It'd be wrong to posture before this critical, 4 year adventure, that you care for them more than you actually do.

On the other side of the coin, I had a friend that moved with his SO and she was excited to move and whatever. It turned out, maybe 8-10 months later, that she started to see someone from work. So even if you are asking selfishly for someone to move with you, they may have their own reasons for wanting to move. Thus is life. Hope all goes well for you.

Tl;DR - yes, it can work. Some people won't make it.

EDIT: Also, make sure to manage expectations well before you go. You will probably move again after graduating (residency), and half of physicians move again after that. If you are thinking long term for this relationship, it is good to let them know early what type of life and work schedule you'll have during the different periods of your schooling and future career.

 

[Ismet]

Let's keep the discussion professional and civil please.

 

[ridethecliche]

Way to call out the "slutty chicks" rather than name call/implicate males in your class who have participated in similar. Double standard much?

 

[673441]

Social ostracism for male cheaters <<< female cheaters. Fact.


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[TX_AK]

People are people, change their situation and their "true" nature comes out. If the individual can't cope with out constant attention and being the center of the others universe, then it most likely will fail. The same thing happens in the military. Deployments show people's true nature.

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[xffan624]

Social ostracism for male cheaters <<< female cheaters. Fact.


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And I'm sure your phrasing of "slutty chicks" has nothing to do with that. Pretty much the same as a person railing against the n###s and justifying their statement because there's still evidence of racism in society.

 

[Ismet]

Social ostracism for male cheaters <<< female cheaters. Fact.


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And I'm sure your phrasing of "slutty chicks" has nothing to do with that. Pretty much the same as a person railing against the n###s and justifying their statement because there's still evidence of racism in society.

This discussion is off topic to the thread at hand. Let's stay on topic please.

 

[cbrons]

Dating for 1.5 years? Does he have a job or is he just going to be sitting around your apartment? Does he have career plans?

I would question the wisdom of moving in together at this point, but that is just me. Especially when you will be in such a time-intensive environment, seems to me like this may not work out well.

If you haven't lived together before, medical school halfway across the country from home wouldn't be the good place to give it your first try.