Thank you for the creation of this forum. I feel comfortable asking this question in a space where I know it will be heard with sensitivity.
Two days ago my mentor passed away suddenly with little warning. His family, his office, the community in which he practiced are all in shock. I spent all day yesterday at his office, helping the doctor standing in for him for these next two weeks see patients, entering in patient records from patient charts since none of the staff have any medical training. I wish I could be there all week, but I know that I need to remain focused the next 19 days on my step 2 exam, because that is what Dr. *** would have wanted. I met him while shadowing him as a pre-medical student, he wrote an LOR (letter of recommendation) for me supporting my application for medical school and, through the last three years, for two scholarships. I did 2 months of a family medicine rotation with him last year as an MS-III. He was supposed to hood me at my graduation in May. I was hoping he'd be the first to call me, "Doctor." I thought of him like a father, and he of me like a daughter. He's the reason I wanted to become a physician, and the most important lessons I have learned about medicine I learned from him. I really don't know what to do about a lot of things. I'm sorry, I'm really devastated and still pretty emotional, feel free to edit this for length/content.
Unfortunately, I still have to deal with life. Part of this is studying for my exam as well as preparing my application for residency. The last LOR he ever wrote was for me, supporting my application for residency. He's a family doc, and I'm not applying family practice and honestly I was hoping faculty at some of the prestigious places I'm thankful to have been accepted at for auditions would write letters for me that'd be more relevant to my application. But now - I feel like I want to take a piece of him with me on every interview. I know he's up there somewhere cheering for me in spirit. I'm really torn about this, although it seems really trivial. My question is, is it appropriate to use his LOR to support my application for residency, or (as I'm assuming) is it inappropriate to do because he has passed away? To be clear, I have more than enough letters, it's not about that. I feel like I'm letting him go completely if I don't use his letter; what should I do?
Just writing this out has been therapeutic. Doing practice questions is a welcome distraction, fortunately, but every time I think about my future otherwise I struggle to hold it together, which I know is a normal part of the grieving process. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
