Quoted: Dating medical students

Doodledog

Escape artist
Moderator Emeritus
15+ Year Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2007
Messages
931
Reaction score
49
Quoted here from an SDN member. Note that this isn't me, I'm married to a non-physician and have been for a long time.

I'm a pre-med, and I am feeling very hesitant to date anyone for the following potentially bad reasons that I hope you will comment on: (If my concerns are true, please don't sugarcoat that.)

It is my understanding that it is miserable to date medical students, which I will soon be, because they are busy and poor. The women that I am currently attracted to are all older than me (late 30's, early 40's), all have careers already (no students), and all have kids (which may exacerbate the concern in the previous sentence). Additionally, at least one of them is in a unhappy wealthy marriage. I ask myself if she is better off where she is, than she would be with me (because I am about to go to medical school). I would feel incredibly guilty if any of these women were to pass up a guy in an excellent career for me, and then become miserable (due to my medical student status of poor and being busy).

On the other hand, "What if one of these women happens to be the person God intended for me?," I ask myself. Am I going to fail to ask out "the one" and just let her pass on by allowing her to believe that I was not interested back? I certainly don't hide my feelings, but I am afraid to make a move or ask anyone out, because I do not want to be responsible for their misery due to my being in medical school.

My best solution for this is to be outspoken about the perils of dating a medical student. If she hears all of that and still likes me, then this may go right, I'm thinking. (Learning what those perils are, and the extent of them, is part of the reason for this post, hence the title. It will also be helpful to find out anything good about being in a relationship with a medical student.) I would also be careful to at least carry my own financial weight if the relationship started.

I am sure I am not the first to have this problem. Any feedback will be appreciated.

Members don't see this ad.
 
Look, being in love means accepting your sweetie and the situation no matter what. While it's not a suicide pact, having to make financial sacrifices in the hope of a better future is what we're all about.

Once you're finished with residency, you'll be making a > six figure salary. But, first, you have to get into medical school. So worry about that as opposed to worrying about "will she love me if I'm a poor medical student"?

Quoted here from an SDN member. Note that this isn't me, I'm married to a non-physician and have been for a long time.

I'm a pre-med, and I am feeling very hesitant to date anyone for the following potentially bad reasons that I hope you will comment on: (If my concerns are true, please don't sugarcoat that.)

It is my understanding that it is miserable to date medical students, which I will soon be, because they are busy and poor. The women that I am currently attracted to are all older than me (late 30's, early 40's), all have careers already (no students), and all have kids (which may exacerbate the concern in the previous sentence). Additionally, at least one of them is in a unhappy wealthy marriage. I ask myself if she is better off where she is, than she would be with me (because I am about to go to medical school). I would feel incredibly guilty if any of these women were to pass up a guy in an excellent career for me, and then become miserable (due to my medical student status of poor and being busy).

On the other hand, "What if one of these women happens to be the person God intended for me?," I ask myself. Am I going to fail to ask out "the one" and just let her pass on by allowing her to believe that I was not interested back? I certainly don't hide my feelings, but I am afraid to make a move or ask anyone out, because I do not want to be responsible for their misery due to my being in medical school.

My best solution for this is to be outspoken about the perils of dating a medical student. If she hears all of that and still likes me, then this may go right, I'm thinking. (Learning what those perils are, and the extent of them, is part of the reason for this post, hence the title. It will also be helpful to find out anything good about being in a relationship with a medical student.) I would also be careful to at least carry my own financial weight if the relationship started.

I am sure I am not the first to have this problem. Any feedback will be appreciated.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Look, being in love means accepting your sweetie and the situation no matter what. While it's not a suicide pact, having to make financial sacrifices in the hope of a better future is what we're all about.

Once you're finished with residency, you'll be making a > six figure salary. But, first, you have to get into medical school. So worry about that as opposed to worrying about "will she love me if I'm a poor medical student"?

Goro,

You would have made a fantastic therapist!:thumbup:
 
Additionally, at least one of them is in a unhappy wealthy marriage... On the other hand, "What if one of these women happens to be the person God intended for me?," I ask myself.

I definitely think God wants you to go after the married-with-kids one.

On a slightly more serious note, let the lady make up her own mind. Being older with kids is actually a plus in this situation - she'll have some life experience behind her to help her to judge how much she can put up with.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3 users
Top