Moving away from family?

[kfox926]

Hi everyone. I'm looking for some advice. I'm going to be applying to schools next year (2018 cycle). However, there aren't any schools that are within daily driving distance from my house. I am also married and we have a child. My husband is not willing to relocate due to his career and our child is starting kindergarten in the fall.
In addition, all of our family is in this area where we live. So basically, wherever I get accepted into, I will be going alone or I will be going with me and our child. But this leaves a lot of mixed feelings. I NEVER want to be away from my child so being gone all week and driving home on the weekends is going to really suck. But on the other hand, being basically a single mother juggling medical school seems to be pretty sucky also. So I'm hoping for some advice here on what people have done or some good options. Like I said, I have a year to figure stuff out before I apply and then a year prior to starting school but it's really bothering me that I don't have a plan, I am a huge planner!

Thank you in advance!!

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[esob]

My advice is get your spouse on board or give up on med school or face the reality of being divorced and either not having custody of your child or having custody and failing out of med school because unless you are financially independent there is zero chance you will be able to afford childcare. That may sound harsh but it's better you figure it out now before ruining your life (and your family's).

Going to medical school without the support of your spouse (especially when you have a kid already) = epic bad idea.

 

[FCMike11]

My advice is get your spouse on board or give up on med school or face the reality of being divorced and either not having custody of your child or having custody and failing out of med school because unless you are financially independent there is zero chance you will be able to afford childcare. That may sound harsh but it's better you figure it out now before ruining your life (and your family's).

Going to medical school without the support of your spouse (especially when you have a kid already) = epic bad idea.

/thread

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[MaybeIt'sTime]

Are you me? I have been throwing around the idea of med school for awhile and my husband and I are in a very similar position. We have a kiddo who will be starting kindergarten next year and my husband is very happy in his career and all of our family is here. I absolutely do not want to be away from my daughter all week and I know my husband doesn't want (read won't) leave his job. The only way I will pursue medicine is if I get into a program that is within 2-3 hours of my current location. My husband is on board with this and can work condensed work weeks (3-4 days) and will be staying with his parents while my daughter and I live in close proximity to my school and he commutes to us on his days off. It will be a sacrifice but it's the only compromise we can come to that makes each of us somewhat happy. Again, I am willing to part ways with my medical school goals if I don't get into one of my nearby schools within 2 or so cycles.

 

[esob]

As long as you have a plan worked out that makes you happy and takes into account the fact that you will have zero time to take care of your child and will need to study/be in class from ~ 8am to 10pm daily (including weekends) and that you may have to travel for clinical rotations, including overnight stays at the hospital; then by all means swing for the fences. The forums here are not really the place to find cheerleaders unfortunately, though. You will get opinions that you may or may not like (and some that are totally BS) but most are simply going to give you the hard truth you need to hear. I had to face it myself (and had months of discussion with my spouse about whether she was willing to undertake the journey as well) just like countless others before me.

I'm just a bystander but from my vantage point it doesn't seem like your husband is on board with your goals and, as previously stated, this will make the journey significantly more difficult. I've witnessed what a simple 6 month hardship tour in the military does to marriages and becoming a doctor is more like a 7+ year hardship tour. Sugar-coating it into anything gentler would be a disservice. When you finally ask and answer the question "am I willing to be a doctor even if the personal costs are monumental," then you will know there really isn't anything you can do but be medicine. The general advice from premeds to attendings is: "if you can do anything else, you should do that instead of being a doctor."

 

[kfox926]

As long as you have a plan worked out that makes you happy and takes into account the fact that you will have zero time to take care of your child and will need to study/be in class from ~ 8am to 10pm daily (including weekends) and that you may have to travel for clinical rotations, including overnight stays at the hospital; then by all means swing for the fences. The forums here are not really the place to find cheerleaders unfortunately, though. You will get opinions that you may or may not like (and some that are totally BS) but most are simply going to give you the hard truth you need to hear. I had to face it myself (and had months of discussion with my spouse about whether she was willing to undertake the journey as well) just like countless others before me.

I'm just a bystander but from my vantage point it doesn't seem like your husband is on board with your goals and, as previously stated, this will make the journey significantly more difficult. I've witnessed what a simple 6 month hardship tour in the military does to marriages and becoming a doctor is more like a 7+ year hardship tour. Sugar-coating it into anything gentler would be a disservice. When you finally ask and answer the question "am I willing to be a doctor even if the personal costs are monumental," then you will know there really isn't anything you can do but be medicine. The general advice from premeds to attendings is: "if you can do anything else, you should do that instead of being a doctor."

Thank you for your reply. I'm definitely not looking for a cheerleader, but someone who has been in my situation and can offer some advice due to being in the same or a similar situation. I was trying to see what other people have done and it has worked out.

My husband is on board with my goals, however, he will be the only one working and he has looked for his position in other states where I am looking to apply and there either isn't much of a job market for his trade or the pay is extremely lower. Not to mention he has his own side business as well. He is pretty established here at home and for him to give that up means he wouldn't have the sufficient income to support our family like he has been. Our situation is a bit different than most, I understand that.

But I'm pretty confident we can make it work. the school that I want to get into has 3rd and 4th year clinical rotations near our house so I could potentially move back home for those years anyway. Of course, that's if I get in there. If I'm meant to be a physician than it will work out. I have to be positive and know that I haven't set myself up for medical school just to not make it work.
Thank you again!

 

[futuremdforme]

One thing to consider is making sure video lectures are available and no mandatory lecture - that would mean more time you could spend in the home with your family.

Personally, moving away for 2 years would not be acceptable to me if I had a child, and it would not be acceptable to me if my spouse did it either. I think it is easy to underestimate how hard it would be on your marriage and on your child.

 

[DrCaffeinated]

I'll be living away from my family when I start med school this fall.my kids are older than yours, more self sufficient and independent... But there are 5 of them.

My husband and I looked at the options- if we all move together, there is no guarantee he'll find a comparable job, and the one he has is flexible and pays well. My kids all love their schools and their friends... If they move with me, I'll be far too busy to really help them make the transition anyway... And being away during the week will give me time to focus on my studies.

I applied to all the schools within driving distance and will come home on the weekend. My husband and kids are super supportive. We've set up systems in the household to make life run more smoothly, and sought the help of friends and family to provide support. For instance, we've hired someone to make freezer meals every week, which reduced a lot if stress in the evening.

It will be hard to be away, but I'll be able to stay in touch via text, Skype, and the weekend will be quality family time.

 

[kfox926]

I'll be living away from my family when I start med school this fall.my kids are older than yours, more self sufficient and independent... But there are 5 of them.

My husband and I looked at the options- if we all move together, there is no guarantee he'll find a comparable job, and the one he has is flexible and pays well. My kids all love their schools and their friends... If they move with me, I'll be far too busy to really help them make the transition anyway... And being away during the week will give me time to focus on my studies.

I applied to all the schools within driving distance and will come home on the weekend. My husband and kids are super supportive. We've set up systems in the household to make life run more smoothly, and sought the help of friends and family to provide support. For instance, we've hired someone to make freezer meals every week, which reduced a lot if stress in the evening.

It will be hard to be away, but I'll be able to stay in touch via text, Skype, and the weekend will be quality family time.

Thank you for commenting on my post. Its encouraging to know that I am not alone with having to be away from family for a little bit of time while I work on earning my degree. I agree in the sense that it will be easier to be away for studying purposes, however, being away from children in general is going to be extremely hard on its own. I would love to know how you are doing when the fall gets here and you enter your first year of medical school.
My husband and I will be looking into ways to alleviate his stress for when I leave. I like your idea of freezer meals for the week. And I'm certain as my son gets older it will be an easier transition to have family help out in the evenings if my husband needs it. And you are absolutely right, for Monday- Friday there will be text, skype, and phone calls. The school that I'm really hoping for has 3rd and 4th year rotations near out house so I could come back home and commute to the hospital from my house, that would be ideal. So, only 1st and 2nd year would be spent away on the week days. I would also commute home every weekend to spend time with family.