Marriage During PT School

[pttobe22]

Hey ya'll! I'm just looking for your thoughts and opinions on getting married during PT school. Is it too much to plan a wedding while in school? I definitely don't want to be planning a wedding and studying for the boards. At my school, the first year is all classes. After year 1, it alternates between chunks of class and chunks of clinicals. I'm thinking that maybe after year 2 would be a good time.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years. We know that we want to get married, we just don't know when. We have been long distance for much of our relationship--he is from my home town and I go to school 3 hours away (and play on my school's basketball team, so we cherish the time we get together during the winter months). We don't want to live together before marriage and we have chosen to wait on all that (you know what I mean). That being said, 7 years (if we wait until after I graduate to marry) is a long time! It also doesn't help that my parents don't agree with our religious beliefs and are completely against us being together. I want to move back to my hometown when I'm done with school (and hopefully get a clinical or two there) and if I had to live with them it would be a living nightmare. Our first year (or possible more depending on when we get married) will be long distance. This being said, I feel like not much would change in terms of me having time to study and such. The biggest change would be that I can go home to him, rather than my parents who, although I know that they love me, have made me feel like I don't have a home in their house anymore. My boyfriend has a good job at home and we would be able to come out pretty much debt free so marriage seems to be in our favor financially.

From my perspective it seems like marriage is a good idea, but am I missing something? Anyone have any experience if marriage makes school harder?

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[DocTAP87]

It sounds like you have a lot to consider. Remember that it is your life and you do not have to live your life according to anyone else so your choice on who to be with is yours alone. The choice is also yours if you want a big extravagant wedding or go elope. You can also choose to just live together and get married when you graduate. You can choose to close the distance and make sure that you are ready for the commitment. I always tell people that if your relationship isn't extremely solid before marriage, you're in trouble when you get married. That's why I advocate living together first. You'll really find out a lot about a person, one you thought you knew so well, when you're with them all of the time. I speak from personal experience here.

Planning a wedding can be stressful and you have to ask if you're willing to take on that extra stress, emotionally and financially, while going through a stressful curriculum. I wouldn't have done it but I was married before PT school.

Marriage itself won't make PT school harder. Married for the wrong reasons and/or to the wrong person will make PT school and your life much harder so just make sure you're really thinking about it and then choose the time that makes the most sense to you and your boyfriend whatever year that may be. I wouldn't do it during classes though!

 

[scrawnyguy]

I'm in a pretty small class of 26 students and we've already had two people get married. They both planned weddings from a long distance and had to travel over long weekends for the actual ceremonies. We have a couple more engaged folks who are getting married by the end of the year. It definitely added to extra stress for them, but it's definitely doable. I think the key is having a supportive partner who is willing to do the lion's share of the planning. I know what some folks are doing is having a very small ceremony now with plans of doing something bigger down the line.

Personally, being married during PT school has been positive. My wife likes to cook so she makes dinners most nights. She is also a good sounding board when I am stressed out (which is pretty much all the time). Financially our situation isn't typical though. I go to the Army-Baylor DPT program so I get a full salary while in school. When I went back to school to knock out prereqs, however, my wife worked full time, which really helped a lot.

 

[DPThopeful1859]

I'm actually about to get married within the next 3 months and I'm finishing up my first year of PT school this fall. My partner and I have been together almost 3 years and frankly, I think it would be beneficial for you both to perhaps live together before getting married, whether you have a big ceremony or something quaint and more personal. Honestly, it's been an eye-opening and defining game changer for my relationship in a good way because she's been able to see how I am when I wasn't in school vs. how I am when I'm involved in school (my moods, my study habits, my time allocation, etc.). We lived together before moving up to a new state for me to begin school and I'll admit it's been tough! Living together when you're at home near family is one thing, but living together in a new state where we both don't know anyone was rough for us both because we miss home and neither of us have friends here (other than my classmates). When we initially got engaged, we set our date a year or so after her sister's wedding (so as not to step on anyone's toes). We've literally had about 2 years to plan our wedding, which has taken a MASSIVE amount of stress off the both of us. We've had plenty of time to visit venues, discuss catering, guests, little details, etc. We've also been able to use some of my financial aid money to help pay for things in our wedding we normally would struggle to pay for, which has also been a big help. We are trying to keep ours under $10,000 and so far it's been pretty easy I'm paying back all of these loans anyway, so I might as well utilize what I have left over to contribute in any way possible.
It's initially up to you and your partner to decide on how to go about all of this and no one is certainly forcing you to get married soon or do anything you both aren't comfortable doing. I know for me personally, taking the extra time and allowing growth in our relationship has been beneficial. I think discussing it in depth with your partner and making a decision about what you both want and how to proceed forward would help ease both of your minds a bit.