MANIC DEPRESSION/PTSD, Dismissed from Medical School, Quitting medical school

[Confused Post Med]

Help all. I'd really like some advice. Or suggestions, mostly suggestions.

The summer before starting a U.S. allopathic medical school, I had a nervous breakdown after four years of sexual abuse and was psychiatrically hospitalized for two months, then subsequently diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and manic depression (bipolar I).

Only a couple months later, my father unexpectedly died shortly into the first week of medical school and needless to say, after my first semester I was dismissed for not performing properly academically. I am aware that this was entirely my fault for not managing intervening life circumstances, accepting a leave of absence, or treating my own baseline mental health, which was never fully resolved due to never taking pharmaceutical drugs and trying to manage the illness naturally. The university took my poor academic results personally and are not welcome or open to the idea of offering me another chance. In many ways, I feel like having a graduate degree in the chemical sciences made my poor results that much harder to fathom or justify. While they don't know about any of my mental health diagnoses, they were aware of my father passing and that bridge is burnt, or it feels like it.

Fast forward one year, to right now, I resumed studies at a Caribbean medical school, hopeful that I could leave my abusers behind in the United States and benefit from the remoteness of island life and and fresh start. Sadly, I lost focus a third of the way through and bombed two block exams. The university will likely require me to repeat the semester or remediate, or in some way reconcile my performance, but I honestly don't know what I want from this situation. Or what I can handle. Life on an obscure island with inadequate access to the nutrition and supplements I need for minimal cognitive functioning, were not in place. Food has a huge impact on my ability to think straight, that's probably hard for some of you to understand, but it makes the difference between me being coherent/lucid and not. I was severely off balance. Severely stressed by the logistics of navigating through a developing country. While it was great to be distanced from the distractions of life in America, I honestly doubt i'm hearty enough to handle a developing country and still perform academically.

So there it is. It feels like I'm at the end of my rope. During this summer break, my first step is to further my mental health treatment and counseling; something I should have done a year ago. But beyond that, the future always needs to be on the horizon and I don't know what really is suited for my career goals. i'd like to work in public health and health policy, but saw an md as a good credential for managing health service organizations or becoming involved in the administrative aspects of international medicine, i.e., holding a key position with the WHO or CDC or UN Health. But now i don't know. I am too unstable and vulnerable to handle the consuming U.S. med format. That's why I tried Carribean. Is there anywhere else (in the world) I can get an MD as a credential thats somewhat reputable. There was a time when I was looking into doing an MD by research, a post-grad MD program in london/ UK, since I already have a master's, but that's not really clinical. There are some online medical schools like that international university of health sciences? They are not prestigious but they wouldn't require me to live in a developing country as a Carribean school would, or consume every moment of my time until I mentally crack, as a U.S. school did. The situation is so dire. Also, I don't plan on doing a residency. Rather, would go straight into public health work. No matter what I do, I don't want a residency actually. And money is not an issue. My family supports me, almost to a fault. But they don't want me to give up on my dreams after having lost so much. I don't know. Are there medical programs in India, China or Africa that would be faster than a carribean MD? Programs that would count my master's degree towards an eventual doctorate? It's hard to keep track of what countries actually offer the MD, since many have equivalencies, but those would be meaningless to me since I'm not taking boards or doing residency. Anyone have knowledge of the global options for acquiring an MD when you already have a masters? Please don't refer me to value md. As a former U.S. med student, I don't think these questions really fit in anywhere. Help. Thank you

DISCLAIMER: ***Please don't be hesitant to comment on this thread in fear of seeming politically incorrect or insensitive to subjects of sexual abuse, mental illness. I welcome all forms of feedback as i'm truly trying to find a solution that has fallen upon deaf ears amongst my existing circle.

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[hopefulERdoc251]

Help all. I'd really like some advice. Or suggestions, mostly suggestions.

The summer before starting a U.S. allopathic medical school, I had a nervous breakdown after four years of sexual abuse and was psychiatrically hospitalized for two months, then subsequently diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and manic depression (bipolar I).

Only a couple months later, my father unexpectedly died shortly into the first week of medical school and needless to say, after my first semester I was dismissed for not performing properly academically. I am aware that this was entirely my fault for not managing intervening life circumstances, accepting a leave of absence, or treating my own baseline mental health, which was never fully resolved. The university took my poor academic results personally and are not welcome or open to the idea of offering me another chance. In many ways, I feel like having a graduate degree in the chemical sciences made my poor results that much harder to fathom or justify. While they don't know about any of my mental health diagnoses, they were aware of my father passing and that bridge is burnt, or it feels like it.

Fast forward one year, to right now, I resumed studies at a Caribbean medical school, hopeful that I could leave my abusers behind in the United States and benefit from the remoteness of island life and and fresh start. Sadly, I lost focus a third of the way through and bombed two block exams. The university will likely require me to repeat the semester or remediate, or in some way reconcile my performance, but I honestly don't know what I want from this situation. Or what I can handle. Life on an obscure island with inadequate access to the nutrition and supplements I need for minimal cognitive functioning, were not in place. Food has a huge impact on my ability to think straight, that's probably hard for some of you to understand, but it makes the difference between me being coherent/lucid and not. I was severely off balance. Severely stressed by the logistics of navigating through a developing country. While it was great to be distanced from the distractions of life in America, I honestly doubt i'm hearty enough to handle a developing country and still perform academically.

So there it is. It feels like I'm at the end of my rope. During this summer break, my first step is to further my mental health treatment and counseling; something I should have done a year ago. But beyond that, the future always needs to be on the horizon and I don't know what really is suited for my career goals. i'd like to work in public health and health policy, but saw an md as a good credential for managing health service organizations or becoming involved in the administrative aspects of international medicine, i.e., holding a key position with the WHO or CDC or UN Health. But now i don't know. I'm not too dumb to get through med school but I am too unstable and vulnerable to handle the consuming U.S. med format. That's why I tried Carribean. Is there anywhere else (in the world) I can get an MD as a credential thats somewhat reputable. There was a time when I was looking into doing an MD by research, a post-grad MD program in london/ UK, since I already have a master's, but that's not really clinical. There are some online medical schools like that international university of health sciences? They are not prestigious but they wouldn't require me to live in a developing country as a Carribean school would, or consume every moment of my time until I mentally crack, as a U.S. school did. The situation is so dire. Also, I don't plan on doing a residency. Rather, would go straight into public health work. No matter what I do, I don't want a residency actually. And money is not an issue. My family supports me, almost to a fault. But they don't want me to give up on my dreams after having lost so much. I don't know. Are there medical programs in India, China or Africa that would be faster than a carribean MD? Programs that would count my master's degree towards an eventual doctorate? It's hard to keep track of what countries actually offer the MD, since many have equivalencies, but those would be meaningless to me since I'm not taking boards or doing residency. Anyone have knowledge of the global options for acquiring an MD when you already have a masters? Please don't refer me to value md. As a former U.S. med student, I don't think these questions really fit in anywhere. Help. Thank you

If you do not want to pursue a residency, then it probably is not worth going through the 4 years or hell and back from a mental point of view, along with a financial point of view, to just have 2 initials behind your name. If your interests really lie within public health, go get your MPH and then the doors will open for you to work at the CDC, WHO, etc.

 

[Confused Post Med]

The problem is that I would gladly agree to go through hell for this, but that doesn't mean I will survive the process. My family themselves have a lot of emphasis on having an MD in the family so, for them, those initials are a pretty big deal. They aren't in any rush to have me working, nor would I ever have to work if I didn't want to. However, too much free time is actually terrible for me. And I don't see how I could contribute to society if I didn't work. So, as long as I can be passionate about something, Im going to do that. And I'm passionate about international medicine that I would enter that field on my own volition regardless of the monetary benefit or necessity.

 

[Confused Post Med]

DISCLAIMER: ***Please don't be hesitant to comment on this thread in fear of seeming politically incorrect or insensitive to subjects of sexual abuse, mental illness. I welcome all forms of feedback as i'm truly trying to find a solution that has fallen upon deaf ears amongst my existing circle.

 

[hopefulERdoc251]

The problem is that I would gladly agree to go through hell for this, but that doesn't mean I will survive the process. My family themselves have a lot of emphasis on having an MD in the family so, for them, those initials are a pretty big deal. They aren't in any rush to have me working, nor would I ever have to work if I didn't want to. However, too much free time is actually terrible for me. And I don't see how I could contribute to society if I didn't work. So, as long as I can be passionate about something, Im going to do that. And I'm passionate about international medicine that I would enter that field on my own volition regardless of the monetary benefit or necessity.

So this will sound more rude than it's intended to be, but your mental health and your own sanity/livelihood is much more important than some silly **** your family believes is important. Your happiness > their happiness especially when it comes to your future and career.

Having an MD will literally do nothing to help you in the public health realm in the capacity that you wish to work in. That will require some sort of graduate degree such as an MPH or a PhD in some topic in Public Health. As for the whole not working and family supporting you, that's great and all, but there comes a point where you need to take charge of your own life rather than relying on your parents. Whether that is now or once you resolve the other medical problems in your life, that should be the next step.

EDIT: Moreover, as long as you rely on your family for financial assistance, they will have an influence on what you should do in your life. Once you become independent, then nobody can tell you what to do with your life.

 

[raiderette]

It sounds as if you have no business being in med school right now. Working on your mental health should be your primary concern. When well, look at MPH, or programs in healthcare administration and public policy. While the MD would have been a path to your ultimate goal, it is not the only path.

 

[Confused Post Med]

So this will sound more rude than it's intended to be, but your mental health and your own sanity/livelihood is much more important than some silly **** your family believes is important. Your happiness > their happiness especially when it comes to your future and career.

Having an MD will literally do nothing to help you in the public health realm in the capacity that you wish to work in. That will require some sort of graduate degree such as an MPH or a PhD in some topic in Public Health. As for the whole not working and family supporting you, that's great and all, but there comes a point where you need to take charge of your own life rather than relying on your parents. Whether that is now or once you resolve the other medical problems in your life, that should be the next step.

EDIT: Moreover, as long as you rely on your family for financial assistance, they will have an influence on what you should do in your life. Once you become independent, then nobody can tell you what to do with your life.

wow
i've never thought about the idea of going out on my own. I don't know if I would be emotionally strong enough to cut ties with my family and not suffer consequences elsewhere in my life.

 

[Pusheen]

I'm so sorry for what you've been through OP. Please, please take some time off and take care of yourself, this is no time for your family to be pressuring you to get an MD.
All the best, and I hope you get the help you need!

 

[Confused Post Med]

I'm so sorry for what you've been through OP. Please, please take some time off and take care of yourself, this is no time for your family to be pressuring you to get an MD.
All the best, and I hope you get the help you need!

Thank you Pusheen. It's just hard to justify delaying things after two failed attempts at the MD. Trying to not lose any more time. But thank you

 

[MrChance2]

I would stop pursuing an MD and getting deeper into debt. Perhaps you could make it through and perhaps not but no matter what its going to be much harder for you than for other people and it is already very hard to begin with.

 

[futuremdforme]

I don't think MD is a good option for you at this point. It's a challenging program that is not able to accommodate your needs, and that will be true in any country. I would consider MPH or PhD since those may be more flexible with your health problems. And read up on Kay Redfield Jamison - she considered MD but was unable to confirm to the rigid programs due to her BPD I, so she did a PhD, and she works as a professor of psychiatry now. She is anything but a disappointment, and I hope that your family will realize that recognizing your limitations, escaping your abusers, and moving forward with your life in a way that works for you is a huge success.

 

[hopefulERdoc251]

wow
i've never thought about the idea of going out on my own. I don't know if I would be emotionally strong enough to cut ties with my family and not suffer consequences elsewhere in my life.

There will come a point in your life when you will have to do become independent, whether that is because your family is not around or because you have to pursue a career. You have the luxury of not having to deal with significant debt associated with both tries from medical school, which 99.9% of the general population does not have. You certainly have the motivation and passion for wanting to help the underserved from the sounds of it. Get your mental health in shape first and foremost, and then become independent so you are truly able to realize your full potential. It'll be tough at the beginning, but it will be much more liberating and rewarding. It's not as though you are completely cutting yourself off from your family either, it's more that you are standing on your own two feet rather than relying on others!

 

[deleted480308]

Fault is irrelevant at this point so don't bother trying to figure that out. You failed twice and still have the underlying issues that caused the failures. MD just isn't your universe, move on.

Sorry

 

[Labrat07]

In my opinion, you need to move on. You're not in this for the right reasons and your circumstance won't allow you to put in the maximum effort. For your happiness, you need to sort out and work on you first.

 

[singasongofjoy]

wow
i've never thought about the idea of going out on my own. I don't know if I would be emotionally strong enough to cut ties with my family and not suffer consequences elsewhere in my life.

woah now, slow down. Becoming financially / materially independent does not in any way mean cutting ties with your family. It just means being in a better position to say, yeah guys, I know you really want me to be an MD and all, but it's not really the direction I want to take. But no worries, I can fund things on my own, so no pressure on you to fund some path you're not stoked about (because it's not their path anyway, it's yours, so as an adult you decide what's best for you).

 

[singasongofjoy]

Thank you Pusheen. It's just hard to justify delaying things after two failed attempts at the MD. Trying to not lose any more time. But thank you

Think like a scientist, where if you fail 20 times in a day but at the end of the day figure out why your experiment failed, it's still a very successful day because that's crucial information to build off of.

 

[DokterMom]

I think your global health focus is a great idea, and that you're wise for not wanting to dive into the pressure-cooker that is US MD. Your mental health is critically important, and needs to be factored into whatever you decide.

I'd second the proposal that 'MD' is not the only way to get where you want to go, and that if you're willing to take a more circuitous route (MPH + PhD) you can get the result you want even if you don't get the desired initials. As you know, PhDs are also entitled to use the "doctor" prefix, so if that's a compromise you can live with, it sounds like a very viable path.

If you're insistent on 'MD', cost really is no object, and you're adamant about not wanting to secure a residency spot, you might be able to negotiate something with one of the for-profit Caribbean schools that will allow you to study remotely in the US (with good food, access to great healthcare, etc.) in exchange for loads of tuition money. Or get your 'real' credentials as outlined above (MPH + PhD) and get yourself an additional MD from a diploma mill down the road.

Best of luck to you, and once again -- props for finding a meaningful and attainable goal in global health and being realistic about your US MD chances.

 

[singasongofjoy]

Also, I'm not trying to take this off on a tangent, but can you briefly quell my curiosity about the whole food situation? I'm not familiar with the Caribbean med school situation. I'm befuddled how there could be a functioning medical school but inadequate supply of well-rounded nutritious meals? What is the food/infrastructure situation like where you are/were? And again, best of luck in finding your path; the fact that you are thinking critically and realistically about it seems like a very good sign.

 

[Confused Post Med]

I think your global health focus is a great idea, and that you're wise for not wanting to dive into the pressure-cooker that is US MD. Your mental health is critically important, and needs to be factored into whatever you decide.

I'd second the proposal that 'MD' is not the only way to get where you want to go, and that if you're willing to take a more circuitous route (MPH + PhD) you can get the result you want even if you don't get the desired initials. As you know, PhDs are also entitled to use the "doctor" prefix, so if that's a compromise you can live with, it sounds like a very viable path.

If you're insistent on 'MD', cost really is no object, and you're adamant about not wanting to secure a residency spot, you might be able to negotiate something with one of the for-profit Caribbean schools that will allow you to study remotely in the US (with good food, access to great healthcare, etc.) in exchange for loads of tuition money. Or get your 'real' credentials as outlined above (MPH + PhD) and get yourself an additional MD from a diploma mill down the road.

Best of luck to you, and once again -- props for finding a meaningful and attainable goal in global health and being realistic about your US MD chances.

Thank you for your encouragement, out of curiousity what schools do you think would negotiate distance learning, and do you have any advice on how to get in contact with them?

 

[Confused Post Med]

Also, I'm not trying to take this off on a tangent, but can you briefly quell my curiosity about the whole food situation? I'm not familiar with the Caribbean med school situation. I'm befuddled how there could be a functioning medical school but inadequate supply of well-rounded nutritious meals? What is the food/infrastructure situation like where you are/were? And again, best of luck in finding your path; the fact that you are thinking critically and realistically about it seems like a very good sign.

This is going to sound inflexible but without organic, and fresh produce, and some sort of vitamin supplier, I'm pretty lost. I don't take any medication so everything that has helped me in the past has been of a nutraceutical nature. Getting supplements and foods shipped in is unrealistic because of duties, and the time required for shipping.

 

[singasongofjoy]

This is going to sound inflexible but without organic, and fresh produce, and some sort of vitamin supplier, I'm pretty lost. I don't take any medication so everything that has helped me in the past has been of a nutraceutical nature. Getting supplements and foods shipped in is unrealistic because of duties, and the time required for shipping.

thanks for the clarification; my mind was rather boggled as I was imagining someone mail-ordering huge boxes of ramen because there was no food of any type to be found, lol. And I'm def with you on the fresh produce; can't live on carbs alone! On a serious note, though, good for you for thinking carefully about what factors it takes for you to be healthy and feel like yourself. Wish everyone I worked with had the same level of insight.

 

[DokterMom]

Thank you for your encouragement, out of curiousity what schools do you think would negotiate distance learning, and do you have any advice on how to get in contact with them?

Frankly, their only motive would be financial gain, so essentially, the less reputable the school, the more likely they will be to exchange money and a 'sub-optimal' teaching method for a degree... I'd talk to them over the phone firsts since you're clearly in what should be for them an ethical grey area.

 

[Confused Post Med]

thanks for the clarification; my mind was rather boggled as I was imagining someone mail-ordering huge boxes of ramen because there was no food of any type to be found, lol. And I'm def with you on the fresh produce; can't live on carbs alone! On a serious note, though, good for you for thinking carefully about what factors it takes for you to be healthy and feel like yourself. Wish everyone I worked with had the same level of insight.

Thank you. No doubt there is ample amounts of basic food, that would cause no issues with the majority of people

 

[mistafab]

From your first post and these two posts... What the heck? You were going to be a doctor you said, but you were diagnosed with mental illness and refused to take medications. Then, you think this will all go away if you eat some organic crackers and some salve of mango seeds or some other quackery? Get it out of your head that you should be a doctor, because prescribing avocado tea and organic bean sprouts won't cure depression, high blood pressure, or MS.

Get a grip. Stop dancing around in the trees and get professional help for your mental illness - ASAP. Designer vitamins and organic produce aren't going to change your life.

This is going to sound inflexible but without organic, and fresh produce, and some sort of vitamin supplier, I'm pretty lost. I don't take any medication so everything that has helped me in the past has been of a nutraceutical nature. Getting supplements and foods shipped in is unrealistic because of duties, and the time required for shipping.

Thank you. No doubt there is ample amounts of basic food, that would cause no issues with the majority of people

 

[futuremdforme]

From your first post and these two posts... What the heck? You were going to be a doctor you said, but you were diagnosed with mental illness and refused to take medications. Then, you think this will all go away if you eat some organic crackers and some salve of mango seeds or some other quackery? Get it out of your head that you should be a doctor, because prescribing avocado tea and organic bean sprouts won't cure depression, high blood pressure, or MS.

Get a grip. Stop dancing around in the trees and get professional help for your mental illness - ASAP. Designer vitamins and organic produce aren't going to change your life.

This is harsher than what I would have said, but yeah... obviously if you are bipolar and not taking meds, you're not going to be able to do med school!

 

[singasongofjoy]

From your first post and these two posts... What the heck? You were going to be a doctor you said, but you were diagnosed with mental illness and refused to take medications. Then, you think this will all go away if you eat some organic crackers and some salve of mango seeds or some other quackery? Get it out of your head that you should be a doctor, because prescribing avocado tea and organic bean sprouts won't cure depression, high blood pressure, or MS.

Get a grip. Stop dancing around in the trees and get professional help for your mental illness - ASAP. Designer vitamins and organic produce aren't going to change your life.

I think OP realizes that, since in their first post they said "which was never fully resolved due to never taking pharmaceutical drugs and trying to manage the illness naturally."

 

[mistafab]

Please re-read OP's most current posts. They said they don't take medications and said it in present tense. Read what I quoted.

I think OP realizes that, since in their first post they said "which was never fully resolved due to never taking pharmaceutical drugs and trying to manage the illness naturally."

 

[Confused Post Med]

From your first post and these two posts... What the heck? You were going to be a doctor you said, but you were diagnosed with mental illness and refused to take medications. Then, you think this will all go away if you eat some organic crackers and some salve of mango seeds or some other quackery? Get it out of your head that you should be a doctor, because prescribing avocado tea and organic bean sprouts won't cure depression, high blood pressure, or MS.

Get a grip. Stop dancing around in the trees and get professional help for your mental illness - ASAP. Designer vitamins and organic produce aren't going to change your life.

Okay. I get your disregard for alternative medicine. It was just preferable to psychotropic drugs that are known to cause brain fog and memory issues. But even with those side effects I would likely be better off taking them than not

 

[Tsunnami]

The problem is that I would gladly agree to go through hell for this, but that doesn't mean I will survive the process. My family themselves have a lot of emphasis on having an MD in the family so, for them, those initials are a pretty big deal. They aren't in any rush to have me working, nor would I ever have to work if I didn't want to. However, too much free time is actually terrible for me. And I don't see how I could contribute to society if I didn't work. So, as long as I can be passionate about something, Im going to do that. And I'm passionate about international medicine that I would enter that field on my own volition regardless of the monetary benefit or necessity.

You're doing this because you're pressured by your family to get 2 initials before your name ?
No wonder you are confused.
Also, you write about being passionate after you talk about your parents, my guess is that if you'd be truly passionate, then you'd have mentioned this beforehand , as a number one priority, instead of mentioning your family.
It doesn't even matter what type of smoke you want to blow up our arse, because real problems start happening when you do it to yourself also. If you look in the mirror, can you be straightforward and honest with yourself ?
You'll never figure out life until you're not clear about who you are and what you want, because you'll never know what's fake or real about yourself.
My guess is that you've spent so much time being a people-pleaser and living up to others' expectations, that you don't have a clear and composed identity.

 

[Confused Post Med]

You're doing this because you're pressured by your family to get 2 initials before your name ?
No wonder you are confused.
Also, you write about being passionate after you talk about your parents, my guess is that if you'd be truly passionate, then you'd have mentioned this beforehand , as a number one priority, instead of mentioning your family.
It doesn't even matter what type of smoke you want to blow up up our arse, because real problems start happening when you do it to yourself also. If you look in the mirror, can you be straightforward and honest with yourself ?
You'll never figure out life until you're not clear about who you are and what you want, because you'll never know what's fake or real about yourself.
My guess is that you've spent so much time being a people-pleaser and living up to others' expectations, that you don't have a clear and composed identity.

Thank you for bolding the important words, Lol. I'm definitely a people pleaser and no I don't really have a composed identity, largely because my baseline is regularly changing due to the mood disorder. I'm aware of this, but that's as far as I've gotten, which is why I rely on my family to help me make big decisions

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

You can keep pushing the denial, but the ending is clear. You will never be able to get residency. You can keep bouncing around diploma mills if all you want is a piece of paper.

 

[Tsunnami]

Thank you for holding the important words, Lol. I'm definitely a people pleaser and no I don't really have a composed identity, largely because my baseline is regularly changing due to the mood disorder. I'm aware of this, but that's as far as I've gotten

Well, I am glad that you recognize it and that you're not in denial, but I truly want to help you and this is why I wrote these things to you, and I also know that you're still far away from actually building up your self-confidence, building up your emotional independence, getting real, having a composed identity, etc.
Coming from a person who was also a people-pleaser at one point ( trust me, I walked the abysses of this hell ), I can assure you that you won't get out of that place until you don't go through all these steps that are required to become a new person.
If this sounds like a ton of work and effort to you, think again : being a people-pleaser is A LOT more work and effort - not to mention, it creates a misery of its own.

So yeah, I understand that you're confused, but show some fire, show some motivation that you want to change, you know that you can live a lifetime just the way you're doing it right now ? If this idea doesn't motivate you to kill your fears and start building a new life for yourself, then nothing will motivate you. You have to get to the point where you're fed up in order to change; as long as you're comfortable and okay with your life, and you indulge in your family's money or compliments or little psychological games that you're playing with each, you will not change.
My guess is that even though you're struggling with your life, you still got some reasons for why you're not determined enough to become independent and go walk your own path. It's a paralyzing place to be. Maybe you find yourself that you live in a golden cave and no matter how much you'd like to be free, you still don't want to leave that golden cave, because there you're in your little comfort zone, you can indulge in certain things, you can be caressed by your parents and family, and who knows what other psychological chains keep you there, but rest assured, you'll never know the taste of freedom if you don't fly out of the cage and enter the jungle.

 

[doglover919]

Hi OP,

Have you read Dr. van der Kolk's book on traumatic stress? He is a psychiatrist who works with people who have experienced trauma in their lives (such as past abuse). You may find his work of interest. His book is called "the Body Keeps the Score." Best of luck to you!

 

[Confused Post Med]

Hi OP,

Have you read Dr. van der Kolk's book on traumatic stress? He is a psychiatrist who works with people who have experienced trauma in their lives (such as past abuse). You may find his work of interest. His book is called "the Body Keeps the Score." Best of luck to you!

Will look into that. Have read fairly little about those suffering from the same things. Probably should have started doing that from the beginning

 

[Confused Post Med]

Well, I am glad that you recognize it and that you're not in denial, but I truly want to help you and this is why I wrote these things to you, and I also know that you're still far away from actually building up your self-confidence, building up your emotional independence, getting real, having a composed identity, etc.
Coming from a person who was also a people-pleaser at one point ( trust me, I walked the abysses of this hell ), I can assure you that you won't get out of that place until you don't go through all these steps that are required to become a new person.
If this sounds like a ton of work and effort to you, think again : being a people-pleaser is A LOT more work and effort - not to mention, it creates a misery of its own.

So yeah, I understand that you're confused, but show some fire, show some motivation that you want to change, you know that you can live a lifetime just the way you're doing it right now ? If this idea doesn't motivate you to kill your fears and start building a new life for yourself, then nothing will motivate you. You have to get to the point where you're fed up in order to change; as long as you're comfortable and okay with your life, and you indulge in your family's money or compliments or little psychological games that you're playing with each, you will not change.
My guess is that even though you're struggling with your life, you still got some reasons for why you're not determined enough to become independent and go walk your own path. It's a paralyzing place to be. Maybe you find yourself that you live in a golden cave and no matter how much you'd like to be free, you still don't want to leave that golden cave, because there you're in your little comfort zone, you can indulge in certain things, you can be caressed by your parents and family, and who knows what other psychological chains keep you there, but rest assured, you'll never know the taste of freedom if you don't fly out of the cage and enter the jungle.

Thank you. Personally, i really do want to pursue medicine, that's been consistent for years. Just given the nature of my illness, I'd be kidding myself to think I could handle something as hands-on as Trauma/ER/Surgery. Public health aspects of medicine are regularly practiced by doctors all over the world except the US, so I'm unsure if I need to look beyond the US to receive that sort of integrative training

 

[deleted480308]

Okay. I get your disregard for alternative medicine. It was just preferable to psychotropic drugs that are known to cause brain fog and memory issues. But even with those side effects I would likely be better off taking them than not

No. It wasn't better

 

[Pusheen]

Wait, why do you want to get a medical degree if you don't want to take medication for your illness? I'm confused.
Take care!

 

[Confused Post Med]

Wait, why do you want to get a medical degree if you don't want to take medication for your illness? I'm confused.
Take care!

I had been led to believe that a large amount of people who take medication for bipolar cannot retain information or think as clearly as when they are off the medication. I didn't think it was an option for me to take meds and be a student. It has nothing to do with disrespect for the medical field, just a false belief about the limitations of treatment

 

[njtrimed]

I had been led to believe that a large amount of people who take medication for bipolar cannot retain information or think as clearly as when they are off the medication. I didn't think it was an option for me to take meds and be a student. It has nothing to do with disrespect for the medical field, just a false belief about the limitations of treatment

The point isn't whether or not you "disrespect the medical field." The point is that you cannot be entrusted to take care of anyone when you clearly cannot take care of yourself. Given everything you've posted in the past day, I am seriously concerned about your stability. Please put everything else on hold and go seek professional help quickly.

 

[nonameperse]

The point isn't whether or not you "disrespect the medical field." The point is that you cannot be entrusted to take care of anyone when you clearly cannot take care of yourself. Given everything you've posted in the past day, I am seriously concerned about your stability. Please put everything else on hold and go seek professional help quickly.

There's no need to be patronizing. OP has the integrity to be open about their views on psychiatry, and they're perfectly entitled to it. Doesn't make them crazy or worthy of the contempt that's being hurled at them.

 

[njtrimed]

There's no need to be patronizing. OP has the integrity to be open about their views on psychiatry, and they're perfectly entitled to it. Doesn't make them crazy or worthy of the contempt that's being hurled at them.

I'm not being patronizing. I'm genuinely concerned about this person.

 

[DJKitty]

Hi Confused Post Med,

There are several main issues that need to be dealt with:

1. You seem to be panicking about the fastest way to get back into medical school. This is a natural inclination, especially if this is really the only career you have envisioned yourself working in; however, this decision doesn't have to be made now. Life altering decisions should not be made during times of crises. Trust me on this one. That leads me to issue #2.

2. From reading your posts, your priorities appear to be out of whack. Your health comes before ANY job. No career is worth making yourself sick over. You have worth and value just be being you and your core identity shouldn't be based on the letters after your last name. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks (even your family). You have to put your health first.

3. You don't seem to be realizing the severity of these diagnoses. Bipolar 1 disorder means that you have had at least one manic episode. True mania is a frightening sight and is incredibly dangerous for the body if not properly managed. PTSD is also a b**** and takes specialized therapies to manage. Bipolar 1 necessitates medication, you cannot get around that--both mania and depression will not allow for normal functioning if not appropriately managed. I am not going to knock the power of eating the right foods, but you show a lack of judgement in not treating your diagnoses. Additionally, your medical school needed to know about your diagnoses in order to help you. It may have been possible to have academic accommodations that would have helped you better keep up in school. If you were ever to be licensed, you would absolutely have to report your diagnoses to the medical board.

4. To get into public health, it would make sense to get a public health degree (e.g. MPH, MSc, etc.). It doesn't make sense to get an MD degree just to go into public health. An MD without a residency is severely limiting, although I know some people go into health care consulting or other health-related occupations with only an MD.

In sum: 1. Don't panic; 2. Health > Career; 3.Treatment; 4. Get an MPH if you really want to be in public health.

I'm sorry if this seems harsh. It definitely wasn't my intent, but you need to own your current reality and know when to stop trying to make something work if it is just not going to work.