Letting him go.

Surferjude

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I started dating this guy for about 3 months now. We've hit it off really well, but he will be moving across the country to start his surgical residency in ortho at the end of this month. I have finally come to understand his busy schedule as an intern. There has been a couple of bumps on the road and I'm realizing that there will be more bumps on the road if we were to have an LDR.

I definitely want him to do well and not have to worry about our relationship. I'm thinking about letting him go and just being friends. I care about him a lot and I really want our relationship to continue, but I know I'll mess things up whenever I get upset. He also gets upset at the same things I get upset about. He says he'll transfer back in a year so I'm hoping I could have my trust in faith that love will find its way.

That way, I won't be planning things ahead and trying to work our schedules around expecting to see each other a couple of times a month. I don't plan on dating other people and he doesn't either, but he will be 3 hours ahead of me. I'm not in the medical field so my schedule is flexible on weekends to go see him. How should I approach him with this without making it seem like I've made the decision without him? I don't necessarily see this as a pause, but more of a "to be continued."

He's already told me to visit him, but there hasn't been any arrangements in timing yet.

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I started dating this guy for about 3 months now. We've hit it off really well, but he will be moving across the country to start his surgical residency in ortho at the end of this month. I have finally come to understand his busy schedule as an intern. There has been a couple of bumps on the road and I'm realizing that there will be more bumps on the road if we were to have an LDR.

I definitely want him to do well and not have to worry about our relationship. I'm thinking about letting him go and just being friends. I care about him a lot and I really want our relationship to continue, but I know I'll mess things up whenever I get upset. He also gets upset at the same things I get upset about. He says he'll transfer back in a year so I'm hoping I could have my trust in faith that love will find its way.

That way, I won't be planning things ahead and trying to work our schedules around expecting to see each other a couple of times a month. I don't plan on dating other people and he doesn't either, but he will be 3 hours ahead of me. I'm not in the medical field so my schedule is flexible on weekends to go see him. How should I approach him with this without making it seem like I've made the decision without him? I don't necessarily see this as a pause, but more of a "to be continued."

He's already told me to visit him, but there hasn't been any arrangements in timing yet.

Hes going to transfer residencies in a year? I'm just a dumb dentist but I'm under the impression that this is not exactly easy. Also, you may have free time on weekends but he probably wont, and you may go out there and end up sitting in his apartment alone the whole time. It doesnt seem like youre super committed to this, I would probably walk if I was in your position.
 
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Hes going to transfer residencies in a year? I'm just a dumb dentist but I'm under the impression that this is not exactly easy. Also, you may have free time on weekends but he probably wont, and you may go out there and end up sitting in his apartment alone the whole time. It doesnt seem like youre super committed to this, I would probably walk if I was in your position.


I'm actually really committed to him and I'm trying to be selfless and think of what's best. I already know that I'd most likely be alone in his apartment during my weekend visits. We've already researched on places I could explore when he's at the hospital or too tired to hang with me. I'm pretty independent, but he would have me there supporting him.

As a girlfriend, idk if id get too much into my feelings and attachment. That might possibly ruin things for us because our communication will definitely be cut in half. I dont want to be waiting for him to text or call or cancel on me and be left with disappointment. Same for him.

My question is, how do I go about talking to him about making this decision?
 
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I'm actually really committed to him and I'm trying to be selfless and think of what's best. I already know that I'd most likely be alone in his apartment during my weekend visits. We've already researched on places I could explore when he's at the hospital or too tired to hang with me. I'm pretty independent, but he would have me there supporting him.

As a girlfriend, idk if id get too much into my feelings and attachment. That might possibly ruin things for us because our communication will definitely be cut in half. I dont want to be waiting for him to text or call or cancel on me and be left with disappointment. Same for him.

My question is, how do I go about talking to him about making this decision?

I think you need to operate under the basic assumption that not only will he be way busier than you, you may not get instantaneous or even timely answers to texts calls or emails, you will probably make plans with him that will need to be cancelled last minute, and you will the primary one doing the traveling. I'm not trying to discourage you, I did long distance with my now fiance for almost three years- the entire duration of our relationship up till that point. We live together now, but it was three years of HELL. And he wasnt even a resident yet. I basically spent all my time working or traveling, I upset a lot of friends in the process because I just wasnt around much, and little issues I had with my partner obviously became magnified because of the distance. Again, I'm not trying to scare you, as its definitely doable, but you need to think long and hard about your expectations and what you are or arent okay with.
I would probably approach this in a "I'm really excited that you get to pursue your dream career and want to figure out how to be as supportive as possible" sort of way. Then you dont sound like the crazy needy one(not that I think you are)
 
I think you can just tell him what you feel about this. It will make him search for a solution and maybe he'd come to the same idea?
 
Did I miss the reason you aren't going with them?
 
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Tough spot. I had a long distance relationship while dating my wife...but we both had a good understanding that it was going to lead to marriage. What's the chances of having two people that committed? Pretty close to zero, I suppose. But we pulled it off.

Before I starting dating my wife...I was apart of another long distance relationship. I really cared for the girl...but I just could pass up my wife. I believe that this scenario is probably the more common one.

You really need to talk to him. Ask him if he would prefer to be friends during your time apart. If he's taken back by the question...then he hasn't even considered it and you have a fighting chance to make the relationship work. If he begins rationalizing the options...save yourself the time...move on.
 
Yes, communication is important. Think about your needs too. What do you need to be happy in a relationship? Best of luck to you!
 
Hmmmm....Tough spot. If he values you he will make time for you. Know your worth and this will solve all the problems.
 
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