Is quitting a residency really career suicide?

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Pharmerswife

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Let me preface this with saying that my husband is the pharmacist, not me, so I may have a completely false idea of how this whole process works. I've looked through past threads about the topic pf quitting a residency but they were either pretty old or not very similar to my husband's residency issues. Sorry this is long!
My husband is seriously considering quitting his residency. Right now, the only reason he is staying is that he's heard (and I've read here) that it is career suicide. His plans all along have been to eventually work at a research hospital. Doing a PGY-1 residency at a research hospital seemed like a no-brainer. He got matched to his first choice, everybody was happy. Now, three months into the residency, nobody is happy.

My husband is so stressed out and over worked. He's working about 16 hours a day. He literally comes home just so he can sleep. He's only getting 4-5.5 hours of sleep a night. He used to be a vegan, but now he gets one meal from the hospital cafe. and one fast food meal a day. So far this month he's lost enough weight that his co-residents and other hospital staff have commented on his weight loss. He's also got a lot of guilt about never seeing the kids. Between the stress and health habits decline, he's not doing so well mentally or physically.
Shortly after residency assignments were released, we found out I was pregnant with #4. While my husband is very excited about having another baby, it is a lot more to add to his plate. Because of my past birth experiences, we've estimated that I'll likely go into labor during the first week of Dec. Unfortunately, this is also during Midyear. He spoke to his residency director about not having to go to Midyear since I'll be giving birth. He was told that his not wanting to go was understandable, but he has to go in order to pass the residency. So he's going. I also have a history of postpartum depression, which he is also worried about since I'd be on my own with the baby and three other kids while he's pulling 80 hours a week. It just isn't do-able. We have no family near us and even with medication, he's worried it will be too much for me and something bad may happen.

He's also run into issues with his two current preceptors. Both have told him that his #1 focus needs to be their area. Hubs was told he needed to step it up in the area that was getting less of his attention or he'd fail that section. He went to his residency director to figure out which was the priority. The preceptor who was told their work was not the priority got angry and basically said "if you don't keep this your priority, I'll just have to fail you". He feels as though he can't win either way. If he's going to fail, wouldn't it be better if he just quit? There's no way he can continue on the way he's been working, especially after we have a baby. If he quits the program because his wife has a mental break down, would his quitting still be a black mark against him?
I don't know if it matters, but he did really well in school. He has glowing recommendations because pretty much everybody who meets him, likes him. When he was doing his rotations for P4 he was told by more than one hiring director or preceptor to contact them when his residency was done if he wants a job. Before pharm school he worked for two drug companies (he was a chemist) and has great references from them.
The way things are now cannot continue. He absolutely does NOT want to do retail pharmacy. He wanted to do clinical research in a hospital, but we also don't want to live in a large metro area. Now he pretty much just wants to work at a community hospital and the research part he'd like, but can do without. Could he still get a job like that if he quits residency?
ETA: He also has a MS in Clinical Research

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That's quite a tough situation. I can't imagine what you are both going through.

I'm sure people have managed to quit and keep things neutral - every program has had someone quit at one point or another.

But my coresident who quit our PGY-1 year still hasn't been able to see the inside of an inpatient pharmacy since 2010.

I think there's a lot in how one leaves the position, and if you can still receive strong recommendations from people at the residency - that would be a best case scenario.
 
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Yikes. To think people voluntarily and eagerly sign up for such a thing.

Listen, it looks bad to quit a residency. It isn't necessarily career suicide, but your husband may have to give up that dream of working in the research hospital for a few years. Someone with more experience here can correct me, but you may also be disbarred from participating in the match again, which means no going back to do a research residency in the future.

I know a few pharmacists who quit their residencies and were still able to work inpatient. Getting that first job after quitting will probably be the most difficult. I would try to secure a position before dropping out. Dealing with unemployment and mounting bills will only make your situation more stressful. Good luck!
 
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Support your husband. Do not have a mental breakdown. Consider the trials and tribulations that he is going through. Put it into perspective. Would you rather swap positions with him? Be strong and help him through it. It sounds like you are a stay at home mother? You can take care of the family.
 
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advice for your husband:
- look into the program's policy on family leave/ extenuating circumstances (i.e. can the residency be prolonged for a few more months after June in order to get a breather now, be there for your family especially around your due date, etc
- I'm not the director for my program, but me trying to see things from their perspective: at the end of the day, they do not want to fail a resident, because frankly it also makes them look bad. Even more than that, doing so makes ASHP look/ scrutinize them even more when it comes time for re-accreditation- and nobody wants this. Failing a resident in my eyes, is a failure on the program's part as well.
- Also, RPD's WANT their residents to succeed! They are inherently not malicious people, otherwise they would not be in the business of raising up residents (hopefully, I like to believe so at least). That being said, he should try his best to work with the RPD to get feedback and improve. If he has an advisor, he should also reach out to them to get someone else in his corner.
- One more thing from a program's perspective: programs struggle with not wanting to "compromise" their standards for one resident, but still hold the rest of the class to a higher expectation. When we had a resident who was borderline, we really struggled with whether it was fair to pass him when the other residents truly met all the outlined ASHP standards- did giving him a diploma somehow cheapen theirs? In the end, I really don't know. I know it's hard, but try not to perceive their "strictness" with a total lack of empathy or compassion or lack of willingness to work the situation to a mutually agreeable resolution.

separating what you describe of your family situation vs every other resident that has rotated thru my program:
- it is also entirely possible that the transition from "student" to "resident" was harder than he originally anticipated. We've matched residents who I personally thought would be killing it at the start of residency based on their recommendations and student CV, and it turns out they just needed a bit more help in the beginning
- what I tell my residents who struggle the first few months: take a break! Let say you get 10 measly PTO days for the WHOLE year, take a day to reset yourself. When I was a resident, I didn't take my first day off until February, and when I finally rested I realized how tired I was and it REALLY caught up with me then. Pace yourself- a big part of time management is endurance!

I really hope everything works out for you both! Good luck!
 
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Support your husband. Do not have a mental breakdown. Consider the trials and tribulations that he is going through. Put it into perspective. Would you rather swap positions with him? Be strong and help him through it. It sounds like you are a stay at home mother? You can take care of the family.

I'm being supportive. I've told him that the decision is completely up to him and I'll support what ever he decides to do. "Do not have a mental breakdown" is far easier said than done. I'm not currently a SAHM. I've worked to support us the entire time hubs was in pharm school and I'm still working since his residency pays very little, certainly not enough to support a family of 5. I'll have to stop working after I give birth since newborn child care is so expensive. His small income and the loss of my income is also another reason he thinks he should quit and get a "real" job. Babies are expensive and that's one more person we'd have to cover with just his residency income.
 
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Support your husband. Do not have a mental breakdown. Consider the trials and tribulations that he is going through. Put it into perspective. Would you rather swap positions with him? Be strong and help him through it. It sounds like you are a stay at home mother? You can take care of the family.

Well this was an ignorant response
 
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Well this was an ignorant response

Just like this one right?

I'm being supportive. I've told him that the decision is completely up to him and I'll support what ever he decides to do. "Do not have a mental breakdown" is far easier said than done. I'm not currently a SAHM. I've worked to support us the entire time hubs was in pharm school and I'm still working since his residency pays very little, certainly not enough to support a family of 5. I'll have to stop working after I give birth since newborn child care is so expensive. His small income and the loss of my income is also another reason he thinks he should quit and get a "real" job. Babies are expensive and that's one more person we'd have to cover with just his residency income.

You and your husband(?) made some questionable life decisions. "Do not have a mental breakdown," is something that you can set yourself up to succeed or fail. For example, the two of you chose to have multiple children in the midst of this. Now you are using it as an excuse for a breakdown. Sure, they are expensive, but going back to the origin, that "one more person we'd have to cover with JUST his residency income." was JUST your decision.
 
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You and your husband(?) made some questionable life decisions. "Do not have a mental breakdown," is something that you can set yourself up to succeed or fail.
It's not really a decision. You wouldn't tell someone, "do not have a heart attack" or "do not develop breast cancer." (Even though you can technically set yourself up for success or failure in those areas as well) Mental health is important, and the original poster is obviously approaching postpartum depression in a responsible and thoughtful manner. I'm sorry for being blunt, but calling your first post ignorant is assuming the best. If it's not ignorance, then you're just being intentionally mean.
 
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It's not really a decision. You wouldn't tell someone, "do not have a heart attack" or "do not develop breast cancer." (Even though you can technically set yourself up for success or failure in those areas as well) Mental health is important, and the original poster is obviously approaching postpartum depression in a responsible and thoughtful manner. I'm sorry for being blunt, but calling your first post ignorant is assuming the best. If it's not ignorance, then you're just being intentionally mean.

You agreed with me.
 
Tell your husband to quit is his residency (I would hope my wife would tell me the same in this situation) Based off your information, he has a decent background prior to the PharmD and even has a masters. Please, residency is quite possibly the last thing he needs to be doing right now if he is interested in clinical research, esp given the circumstances. What is really important here? He wants to do research at a research hospital or wants to be a resident at a research hospital.

What is life if your family is suffering. Good luck to you and take care of YOURSELF
 
Tell your husband to quit is his residency (I would hope my wife would tell me the same in this situation) Based off your information, he has a decent background prior to the PharmD and even has a masters. Please, residency is quite possibly the last thing he needs to be doing right now if he is interested in clinical research, esp given the circumstances. What is really important here? He wants to do research at a research hospital or wants to be a resident at a research hospital.

What is life if your family is suffering. Good luck to you and take care of YOURSELF

The question isn't about whether he should or should not quit his residency, the question is will this residency hurt his career. In that regard, yes, it will hurt his career, and badly. (Note that said pharmacist intends to work in hospital NOT retail.)

EDIT: Grammar, will *QUITTING* this residency hurt
 
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It's not really a decision. You wouldn't tell someone, "do not have a heart attack" or "do not develop breast cancer." (Even though you can technically set yourself up for success or failure in those areas as well) Mental health is important, and the original poster is obviously approaching postpartum depression in a responsible and thoughtful manner. I'm sorry for being blunt, but calling your first post ignorant is assuming the best. If it's not ignorance, then you're just being intentionally mean.

Amicable is being pretty blunt/rude here but honestly they could have prevented from her being pregnant again.....It seems like having another child is adding more stress to OP's husband. Also, at @Pharmerswife, did your husband not talk to any previous residents from that program beforehand? He should have known what he was going into if he ranked this program as his first choice.
 
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Amicable is being pretty blunt/rude here but honestly they could have prevented from her being pregnant again.....It seems like having another child is adding more stress to OP's husband. Also, at @Pharmerswife, did your husband not talk to any previous residents from that program beforehand? He should have known what he was going into if he ranked this program as his first choice.

Not appreciating this name calling when everyone else is trying to coach and be "blunt" as well. What you are saying is not really different than what I said. Actually I would say that what you wrote is counterproductive because they are things that cannot be changed (husband can't go back to the past).
 
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I don't think this is career suicide, although as many said, your husband may find it difficult to find a job in the same hospital/region he is currently practicing in. Last year, I know a current inpatient clinical pharmacist that left a residency position due to health issues. This person found a clinical position (currently rounds and precepts students) months later due to a network connection. Not saying everyone has that option but one example of how a bad situation ended up being ok. Yes, this clinical position was in a hospital in the same state.

As many have said, it is HIGHLY discouraged to quit a residency program. However, you and your husband SHOULD have an honest discussion about the value you place in family, your health (and his), and the risk to his job opportunities. There are many places your husband can practice in. I know people say pharmacy is a small word but it's not so small a pharmacist cannot temporarily bow out and re-enter when the time is right. If he does choose to leave, I think a long discussion with preceptors, the RPD, and any co-resident(s) is appropriate. Ideally you can be in that conversation as well. Good luck!
 
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I don't think this is career suicide, although as many said, your husband may find it difficult to find a job in the same hospital/region he is currently practicing in. Last year, I know a current inpatient clinical pharmacist that left a residency position due to health issues. This person found a clinical position (currently rounds and precepts students) months later due to a network connection. Not saying everyone has that option but one example of how a bad situation ended up being ok. Yes, this clinical position was in a hospital in the same state.

As many have said, it is HIGHLY discouraged to quit a residency program. However, you and your husband SHOULD have an honest discussion about the value you place in family, your health (and his), and the risk to his job opportunities. There are many places your husband can practice in. I know people say pharmacy is a small word but it's not so small a pharmacist cannot temporarily bow out and re-enter when the time is right. If he does choose to leave, I think a long discussion with preceptors, the RPD, and any co-resident(s) is appropriate. Ideally you can be in that conversation as well. Good luck!

Career suicide is a statement of hyperbole as is blacklisting someone. But that aside, I think career suicide has the implication of being exceptionally difficult to redeem if not impossible when contending for a job (the same as a post-revocation pharmacist). Setting some conditions, I think it IS career suicide depending on the locality and program in the local geographic area if the separation is even remotely questionable. For instance, quitting either Banner Good Samaritan, Banner Thunderbird, University Medical Center - Tucson, or Scottsdale Health with poor relations is tantamount to hospital pharmacy career suicide in Arizona (as many of the clinical pharmacists have come from those institutions) as everyone becomes extremely wary of the reasons knowing that the RPD's are generally reasonable people. Small state, few municipalities, old boys (and girls) networks, you bet there some blowback involved. If they leave AZ, probably not going to be that big a problem, but within AZ, it would be exceptionally difficult to find a job.

The PM part that I wanted to keep discreet were (subjunctive) asking:
1. Are you as a couple ok with possibly relocating due to the observation?
2. Minus everything else environmental, is your husband unhappy with the circumstances of the residency to the point of despair? (If the answer is yes, I don't need to care what else is going on, he should consider resigning as death is the end.)
3. How are "you" (not your husband) coping with his absence as that is important too (because divorce is a possible outcome).

There were some answers, and I responded to them.

What I can say in general and not this situation is underling the importance of NOT going for a program due to name, but to actually get chummy with residents and be able to read between the lines of how things really are versus how they are presented. What works for some does not work for others. There are some inhuman RPD's and preceptors out there just like there are inhuman colleagues and superiors. And that in general, the Americans view family commitments with some degree of flexibility (not as much as the Nordic countries, but more so than anywhere else), but they do expect work to be done even in spite of the home situation. If the home situation is not conducive to the work, then something does give. From what's written here, the husband has choices, but the first and obvious one is what does he prioritize really (not what he says, what he does and what truly he believes in). Based on my colleagues and my own experience, some chose family, some chose work, but no one is without regret. There simply is just too many good options to take them all within a lifetime, but taking too many good options ends up being one bad option, which is that you run out of time for everyone.

As for @Amicable Angora , I consider his/her comments fair if pharmacist-harsh flavored. S/he has correctly pointed out that there were antecedent choices that were in their locus of control (and yes, starting or continuing a family being one of them unlike we can choose to have a heart attack). At the time, those choices were viewed to be the right ones, but in hindsight, they might have not been correct for the timing and the burden. I think that this was meant to separate the matters under the OP's possible control (choice of a residency, choice to extend the family) from ones that obviously were consequences that happened (bad environment at the residency, financial pressures). Each of these problems are manageable on their own, but what s/he was pointing out was that the past choices limit future flexibility to make further choices as commitments were made. Now, maybe the only solution is to break a commitment to shore up the other which always is a bad choice. If anything defines my older life now, it is to always have some flexibility such that life challenges' do not come at a pace or at a level that cannot be managed. Choosing under those circumstances ages you and the end kills you.

From Greene:
Now the future stood around waiting for the child to choose – happiness and misery, eventually one particular form of death, for surely we choose our death as we choose our job. It grows out of our acts and our evasions, out of our fears and out of our moments of courage.”

There is no reason that in our luxury, that we need to force ourselves to make these bad decisions. That's the one lesson that I hope people learn sooner than later in youth. I don't blame OP's husband in having a bad residency which is a crisis, I do have a judgment on not having the flexibility to deal with it and that pronouncement of doom will haunt this couple irrespective of their near-term choice. That is the basis of tragedy.
 
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It's not really a decision. You wouldn't tell someone, "do not have a heart attack" or "do not develop breast cancer." (Even though you can technically set yourself up for success or failure in those areas as well) Mental health is important, and the original poster is obviously approaching postpartum depression in a responsible and thoughtful manner. I'm sorry for being blunt, but calling your first post ignorant is assuming the best. If it's not ignorance, then you're just being intentionally mean.


No, but he's a pharmacist "Do not get pregnant" he should be able to figure out for a year or so. They might not be in such a pickle if there wasn't #3 on the way. It's a tough situation regardless, it was hard enough to move across the country alone (twice) with just my dog, I cannot imagine doing that with two small children.

I personally would never tell someone "don't have a breakdown" but there were definitely some choices made to end up in this situation.
 
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I'm being supportive. I've told him that the decision is completely up to him and I'll support what ever he decides to do. "Do not have a mental breakdown" is far easier said than done. I'm not currently a SAHM. I've worked to support us the entire time hubs was in pharm school and I'm still working since his residency pays very little, certainly not enough to support a family of 5. I'll have to stop working after I give birth since newborn child care is so expensive. His small income and the loss of my income is also another reason he thinks he should quit and get a "real" job. Babies are expensive and that's one more person we'd have to cover with just his residency income.
do you make less than $200/wk? because most people lose money choosing to stay home
 
do you make less than $200/wk? because most people lose money choosing to stay home

Depending where they are in the country this varies. Daycare for 2 small children is already pretty $$$, but it costs even more for the smaller babies due to higher kid:staff ratios and more intensive care (feeding, diaper changes, etc). How much you'll spend on childcare | BabyCenter

I don't have kids but when I hear how much my colleagues spend on daycare (or their nanny) I think about how many epic vacations I could take with that money... And my sample may be biased - I've been in major metro areas for most of my adult life. I'm sure in BFE you can find a nice grandma running a lovely daycare out of her house for cheap.
 
It can be harder to find a job if he quits a residency, especially if you are limited to a particular geographical area. If he quits now, there is a lot of uncertainty about when he will have employment again and not sure if that makes a difference with your benefits, etc.

I guess you really have to weigh the pros versus cons of quitting. I think any resident will tell you they had a point where they wanted to give up and quit...majority of us adjusted to what the program expected and were successful in the end. If he is at the point of breakdown or physical harm, he should quit. If he is just struggling to adjust, he might pull through. I think a lot of students have a hard time with the transition because they are used to killing it on rotations, but the expectations of residents are far different.

I can relate to feeling like you can't do anything right as a resident, but not the family situation. I moved across country not knowing anyone a felt pretty lonely for a while, but I adjusted.
 
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No, but he's a pharmacist "Do not get pregnant" he should be able to figure out for a year or so. They might not be in such a pickle if there wasn't #3 on the way. It's a tough situation regardless, it was hard enough to move across the country alone (twice) with just my dog, I cannot imagine doing that with two small children.

I personally would never tell someone "don't have a breakdown" but there were definitely some choices made to end up in this situation.
Okay, but go back in time and avoid becoming pregnant isn't very actionable advice. Additionally, I was reacting to the advice, "don't have a mental breakdown." It's easy for people to slip into the mindset that mental health is a choice, but mental health isn't just mind over matter. We're health care professionals. We shouldn't have to be told that.
 
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Amicable is being pretty blunt/rude here but honestly they could have prevented from her being pregnant again.....It seems like having another child is adding more stress to OP's husband. Also, at @Pharmerswife, did your husband not talk to any previous residents from that program beforehand? He should have known what he was going into if he ranked this program as his first choice.

He did speak to former residents, and they had positive things to say. One was a mother of two small children and gave him tips on how she made it work. Since his residency has started, he has spoken with two of last year's residents who have both said they were not required to do as much as this year's residents have been asked to do as far as side projects go.
 
No, but he's a pharmacist "Do not get pregnant" he should be able to figure out for a year or so. They might not be in such a pickle if there wasn't #3 on the way. It's a tough situation regardless, it was hard enough to move across the country alone (twice) with just my dog, I cannot imagine doing that with two small children.

I personally would never tell someone "don't have a breakdown" but there were definitely some choices made to end up in this situation.

I've never understood the "you shouldn't have gotten pregnant" comment people make in response to various situations. While obvious, there is nothing that can be done about it now. With out going into personal details, we are limited in our means of prevention. Also, $h!+ happens. Now we're trying to figure out our best course of action from here.
I'm glad to see that most people would not tell somebody "Don't have a breakdown", as if a person would choose such a thing. As it were, I'm doing what I can to avoid any postpartum problems, both physically and mentally.
 
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do you make less than $200/wk? because most people lose money choosing to stay home

Daycare for an infant is $1200/month. We also have a pre-schooler so it would be about $2,000/month for child care. It would not be worth it, at least until the baby is over a year old.
 
Daycare for an infant is $1200/month. We also have a pre-schooler so it would be about $2,000/month for child care. It would not be worth it, at least until the baby is over a year old.
First that's more expensive than the markets I have loved in, second the math of another kid changes things.

I would take in another 2 kids and charge them 75% of the standard facility rate
 
I've never understood the "you shouldn't have gotten pregnant" comment people make in response to various situations. While obvious, there is nothing that can be done about it now. With out going into personal details, we are limited in our means of prevention. Also, $h!+ happens. Now we're trying to figure out our best course of action from here.
I'm glad to see that most people would not tell somebody "Don't have a breakdown", as if a person would choose such a thing. As it were, I'm doing what I can to avoid any postpartum problems, both physically and mentally.

Abortion is still an option. If you don't want your husband to quit residency but want to reduce his mental problems, you should seriously consider getting an abortion.
 
Abortion is still an option. If you don't want your husband to quit residency but want to reduce his mental problems, you should seriously consider getting an abortion.
murdering a child isn't really worth a pharmacy residency...
 
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Abortion is still an option. If you don't want your husband to quit residency but want to reduce his mental problems, you should seriously consider getting an abortion.

murdering a child isn't really worth a pharmacy residency...
This is a personal decision that should be made by the woman who is pregnant. We don't need to weigh in. Women who are pro choice should respect a women's agency by respecting her choice to not terminate a pregnancy. It's every bit as important as respecting her right to end a pregnancy. We also shouldn't use inexact and inaccurate language to vilify a woman's choice to terminate a pregnancy.

tldr: don't be an a**hole
 
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This is a personal decision that should be made by the woman who is pregnant. We don't need to weigh in. Women who are pro choice should respect a women's agency by respecting her choice to not terminate a pregnancy. It's every bit as important as respecting her right to end a pregnancy. We also shouldn't use inexact and inaccurate language to vilify a woman's choice to terminate a pregnancy.

tldr: don't be an a**hole
I'll use the language I choose, much like you clearly do
 
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Abortion is still an option. If you don't want your husband to quit residency but want to reduce his mental problems, you should seriously consider getting an abortion.

No, it is not an option, legally or personally.
 
No, but he's a pharmacist "Do not get pregnant" he should be able to figure out for a year or so. They might not be in such a pickle if there wasn't #3 on the way.

Actually she said it's #4 that's on the way.

All I can say is...everything passes. It is just one year that you and your husband have to get through. If at all possible, stay the course and get through it. Quitting the residency should be a last resort.
 
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Let me preface this with saying that my husband is the pharmacist, not me, so I may have a completely false idea of how this whole process works. I've looked through past threads about the topic pf quitting a residency but they were either pretty old or not very similar to my husband's residency issues. Sorry this is long!
My husband is seriously considering quitting his residency. Right now, the only reason he is staying is that he's heard (and I've read here) that it is career suicide. His plans all along have been to eventually work at a research hospital. Doing a PGY-1 residency at a research hospital seemed like a no-brainer. He got matched to his first choice, everybody was happy. Now, three months into the residency, nobody is happy.

My husband is so stressed out and over worked. He's working about 16 hours a day. He literally comes home just so he can sleep. He's only getting 4-5.5 hours of sleep a night. He used to be a vegan, but now he gets one meal from the hospital cafe. and one fast food meal a day. So far this month he's lost enough weight that his co-residents and other hospital staff have commented on his weight loss. He's also got a lot of guilt about never seeing the kids. Between the stress and health habits decline, he's not doing so well mentally or physically.
Shortly after residency assignments were released, we found out I was pregnant with #4. While my husband is very excited about having another baby, it is a lot more to add to his plate. Because of my past birth experiences, we've estimated that I'll likely go into labor during the first week of Dec. Unfortunately, this is also during Midyear. He spoke to his residency director about not having to go to Midyear since I'll be giving birth. He was told that his not wanting to go was understandable, but he has to go in order to pass the residency. So he's going. I also have a history of postpartum depression, which he is also worried about since I'd be on my own with the baby and three other kids while he's pulling 80 hours a week. It just isn't do-able. We have no family near us and even with medication, he's worried it will be too much for me and something bad may happen.

He's also run into issues with his two current preceptors. Both have told him that his #1 focus needs to be their area. Hubs was told he needed to step it up in the area that was getting less of his attention or he'd fail that section. He went to his residency director to figure out which was the priority. The preceptor who was told their work was not the priority got angry and basically said "if you don't keep this your priority, I'll just have to fail you". He feels as though he can't win either way. If he's going to fail, wouldn't it be better if he just quit? There's no way he can continue on the way he's been working, especially after we have a baby. If he quits the program because his wife has a mental break down, would his quitting still be a black mark against him?
I don't know if it matters, but he did really well in school. He has glowing recommendations because pretty much everybody who meets him, likes him. When he was doing his rotations for P4 he was told by more than one hiring director or preceptor to contact them when his residency was done if he wants a job. Before pharm school he worked for two drug companies (he was a chemist) and has great references from them.
The way things are now cannot continue. He absolutely does NOT want to do retail pharmacy. He wanted to do clinical research in a hospital, but we also don't want to live in a large metro area. Now he pretty much just wants to work at a community hospital and the research part he'd like, but can do without. Could he still get a job like that if he quits residency?
ETA: He also has a MS in Clinical Research
He sounds very weak mentally. I would honesty consider divorcing him.
 
To recap, we have one person saying "don't have a mental breakdown," another few saying "you shouldn't have gotten pregnant," one suggesting to get a late term abortion, and another saying to get a divorce. So maybe this isn't the best place to get actual advice.

Meet with the RPD/preceptors, etc to discuss face to face. They can't help him if they don't know that there's a problem, and it sounds like he does need some guidance. I can't speak to whether or not this would ruin his career, it sounds like he has great experiences under his belt from before residency. There just comes a point when you have to step back and assess the quality of life, and if being in the program is doing more harm than good.
 
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To recap, we have one person saying "don't have a mental breakdown," another few saying "you shouldn't have gotten pregnant," one suggesting to get a late term abortion, and another saying to get a divorce. So maybe this isn't the best place to get actual advice.

Hah, I love it. Just get a divorce, abort that kid, and keep it together. Great advice.
 
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Let me preface this with saying that my husband is the pharmacist, not me, so I may have a completely false idea of how this whole process works. I've looked through past threads about the topic pf quitting a residency but they were either pretty old or not very similar to my husband's residency issues. Sorry this is long!
My husband is seriously considering quitting his residency. Right now, the only reason he is staying is that he's heard (and I've read here) that it is career suicide. His plans all along have been to eventually work at a research hospital. Doing a PGY-1 residency at a research hospital seemed like a no-brainer. He got matched to his first choice, everybody was happy. Now, three months into the residency, nobody is happy.

My husband is so stressed out and over worked. He's working about 16 hours a day. He literally comes home just so he can sleep. He's only getting 4-5.5 hours of sleep a night. He used to be a vegan, but now he gets one meal from the hospital cafe. and one fast food meal a day. So far this month he's lost enough weight that his co-residents and other hospital staff have commented on his weight loss. He's also got a lot of guilt about never seeing the kids. Between the stress and health habits decline, he's not doing so well mentally or physically.
Shortly after residency assignments were released, we found out I was pregnant with #4. While my husband is very excited about having another baby, it is a lot more to add to his plate. Because of my past birth experiences, we've estimated that I'll likely go into labor during the first week of Dec. Unfortunately, this is also during Midyear. He spoke to his residency director about not having to go to Midyear since I'll be giving birth. He was told that his not wanting to go was understandable, but he has to go in order to pass the residency. So he's going. I also have a history of postpartum depression, which he is also worried about since I'd be on my own with the baby and three other kids while he's pulling 80 hours a week. It just isn't do-able. We have no family near us and even with medication, he's worried it will be too much for me and something bad may happen.

He's also run into issues with his two current preceptors. Both have told him that his #1 focus needs to be their area. Hubs was told he needed to step it up in the area that was getting less of his attention or he'd fail that section. He went to his residency director to figure out which was the priority. The preceptor who was told their work was not the priority got angry and basically said "if you don't keep this your priority, I'll just have to fail you". He feels as though he can't win either way. If he's going to fail, wouldn't it be better if he just quit? There's no way he can continue on the way he's been working, especially after we have a baby. If he quits the program because his wife has a mental break down, would his quitting still be a black mark against him?
I don't know if it matters, but he did really well in school. He has glowing recommendations because pretty much everybody who meets him, likes him. When he was doing his rotations for P4 he was told by more than one hiring director or preceptor to contact them when his residency was done if he wants a job. Before pharm school he worked for two drug companies (he was a chemist) and has great references from them.
The way things are now cannot continue. He absolutely does NOT want to do retail pharmacy. He wanted to do clinical research in a hospital, but we also don't want to live in a large metro area. Now he pretty much just wants to work at a community hospital and the research part he'd like, but can do without. Could he still get a job like that if he quits residency?
ETA: He also has a MS in Clinical Research
 
I just joined this network, and except for @lord999, I find that the immaturity on this thread is alarming. Perhaps we should have to use our real names...

Resign from the residency or move yourself & the kids back home to live with family until he finishes. Financially, that would be the only option I could see. That being said, I saw this post on another thread re: quitting a residency:

“Just purely guessing here but I doubt that ASHP will let you go through the match again this year. I know of a person who matched and had a family emergency and couldn't go through with their residency and broke their contract. They were allowed to re apply for programs the next year and matched. Needless to say, his original matched program did not interview him the following year.”
 
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