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- Aug 14, 2017
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I'm a new IM intern, and I'm worried that I'm not good enough to be a doctor. I feel stupid and slow daily despite being 6 weeks into residency now and I don't know if this is normal or if I'm supposed to be feeling comfortable now.
I started on a critical care month and now am on an elective. Next month I start wards and I'm terrified. I've never carried more than 4 patients (even on the critical care unit our max was 4). I just don't know how I'm going to carry up to 10 on wards! I also feel like I'm awful at my outpatient clinic. We just started and it took me forever to see my first patient because of systems things. I didn't know how to use the outpatient EMR, didn't know how to call the social worker, didn't know how to call for medicare transport. I felt so demoralized and like a fraud after that first day. It probably doesn't help that I didn't get a lot of outpatient exposure in med school.
I'm terrified daily that I'm going to hurt someone and I worry that I'm too slow and too stupid at everything and I'm going to get fired. It feels like I was better at medicine after step 2 because of how much I seem to have forgotten. It comes back when I look things up of course, but the amount I have to look up feels awful and the scope of IM feels impossible to master sometimes. I also struggle with time off (ex: this past weekend) because I feel guilty whenever I'm not studying.
Does/did anyone else feel they way I do? I put on a brave face at work because no one else seems to be struggling and I try to tell myself "hey, you made it through med school and were an average student and got into a great residency" (a little below average on the step 1 but fine on step 2 and in 3rd/4th year). I tell myself that means that I'm going to be ok in residency if I just keep on keeping on, but it's hard to believe that some days.
I started on a critical care month and now am on an elective. Next month I start wards and I'm terrified. I've never carried more than 4 patients (even on the critical care unit our max was 4). I just don't know how I'm going to carry up to 10 on wards! I also feel like I'm awful at my outpatient clinic. We just started and it took me forever to see my first patient because of systems things. I didn't know how to use the outpatient EMR, didn't know how to call the social worker, didn't know how to call for medicare transport. I felt so demoralized and like a fraud after that first day. It probably doesn't help that I didn't get a lot of outpatient exposure in med school.
I'm terrified daily that I'm going to hurt someone and I worry that I'm too slow and too stupid at everything and I'm going to get fired. It feels like I was better at medicine after step 2 because of how much I seem to have forgotten. It comes back when I look things up of course, but the amount I have to look up feels awful and the scope of IM feels impossible to master sometimes. I also struggle with time off (ex: this past weekend) because I feel guilty whenever I'm not studying.
Does/did anyone else feel they way I do? I put on a brave face at work because no one else seems to be struggling and I try to tell myself "hey, you made it through med school and were an average student and got into a great residency" (a little below average on the step 1 but fine on step 2 and in 3rd/4th year). I tell myself that means that I'm going to be ok in residency if I just keep on keeping on, but it's hard to believe that some days.