How to deal with family pressuring you to go into a specialty

[Spectre of Ockham]

Unless you are married you literally have no clue what you are talking about. Anybody who says they won't be attracted to you anymore simply because of the field of medicine you desire to practice is NOT "good wife" material. This is the type of crap that leads to early divorce.

Getting married soon and yea good wife don't grow on trees. Each and every woman has her flaws and vice versa you stick with the one that makes you whole not the one that makes you just happy.
She's probably just anxious due to the tsunami of sudden changes that hit the medical field in the US in the past decade.

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[ortnakas]

To the op: do a med psych or fp psych combined residency

This just delays the inevitable; he'll have the same conundrum except this time it will be about finding a job as attending, and instead of having a fiancée he'll have a wife and maybe kids.

Maybe OP and his fiancée can work it out-- I hope they do-- but ultimatums aren't a great foundation for marriage.

 

[Mad Jack]

Just because mental illness exists doesn't mean psychiatry has an antidote (there's still no cure for liberalism...)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo.../is-political-conservatism-mild-form-insanity

You might have that a bit backwards...

 

[Mad Jack]

Getting married soon and yea good wife don't grow on trees. Each and every woman has her flaws and vice versa you stick with the one that makes you whole not the one that makes you just happy.
She's probably just anxious due to the tsunami of sudden changes that hit the medical field in the US in the past decade.

Someone who says they won't be attracted to you anymore based on your field choice is not "good wife" material.

 

[Mad Jack]

Listen to your fiance. Psychiatry is a modern pseudoscience.

Yeah, schizophrenia totally isn't real. Depression isn't a thing. Psychosis is just made up. Etc etc...

That people have certain issues isn't really up for debate, aside from certain things that are on the border of normal behavior. But for those that are in obvious mental illness territory, the only thing that one might call "pseudoscience" is not so much that there is mental illness, but rather, what the treatment should be. Hearts and kidneys are tinker toys. The human mind is much more difficult to figure out, but we're working on it. I think that's actually pretty damn exciting- there's a lot of room for ground-breaking research into the function of the brain and mind that simply isn't there with regard to much of the rest of the body. The unknowns of psychiatry are a great part of the attraction of the field.

 

[Ericslv]

Would you honestly just dump your fiancée and sacrifice the respect of your parents to pursue a field? It seemed like an easy choice to me too, in theory. But this was before I realized that I would actually be forced to make it myself.

Sorry buddy but if your fiancee and family will lose respect for who you are as a human being for going into a specific specialty then they are the ones you should lose respect for. Tell to find her surgeon and f off. Tell your family you are your own man and can make your own life.

Find another girlfriend.

But it seems like the real issue isn't them. It's YOU. I think you believe them and believe your specialty of choice is BS. You just have to save face and admit it.

Personally I don't like psych but I would never let someone tell me not to be one if I really liked it. Your the one that needs to figure it out. Not them.

 

[Drrrrrr. Celty]

I'm really confused where people are getting these weird fiances who require them to bend over backwards to please them. There is a whole world of human beings who will not only support you, but push you to be better in your life. Why bog yourself down with someone who intends to push you into what they believe is better for their status? I mean do you need someone who will baby you and make life decisions for you because you're unable to work life?

 

[Drrrrrr. Celty]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo.../is-political-conservatism-mild-form-insanity

You might have that a bit backwards...

I'm always amused ( also saddened) by conservative anti-psychiatry individuals who believe that psychiatry is a conspiracy to detain freedom and crack down on dissent. They're usually a bit more in need of help themselves than the liberal anti-psychiatry people who tend to just believe that that Rx is evil.

Extra points if the crazies attempt to link the conspiracy towards racist theories.

 

[Drrrrrr. Celty]

Yeah, schizophrenia totally isn't real. Depression isn't a thing. Psychosis is just made up. Etc etc...

That people have certain issues isn't really up for debate, aside from certain things that are on the border of normal behavior. But for those that are in obvious mental illness territory, the only thing that one might call "pseudoscience" is not so much that there is mental illness, but rather, what the treatment should be. Hearts and kidneys are tinker toys. The human mind is much more difficult to figure out, but we're working on it. I think that's actually pretty damn exciting- there's a lot of room for ground-breaking research into the function of the brain and mind that simply isn't there with regard to much of the rest of the body. The unknowns of psychiatry are a great part of the attraction of the field.

The most fascinating part of it all isn't the unknowns. But rather the variety of reaction, of mechanism, and of underlying cause. The fact that knowing requires more than looking at a clipboard.

 

[akuko2]

@Peach Newport , I understand what it is like to come from a culture where status is king. But is there anything deeper than what you are telling us about your fam's aversion to psych and path? For instance I have had a transplant surgeon tell me straight up, "I'm not happy, don't think that you'll be able to find happiness here." I think I was told that because he was projecting his dissatisfaction with his choices on me. Even if he was wrong he was trying to help me avoid a field that I may have had an incomplete perspective on. Do you think some of what they are saying is coming from them trying to push you into a field that they think will may make you happier later on? I'm not saying that they are right for doing this, but it may be an avenue worth bringing up so you can all progress in understanding where this push is coming from.

 

[QueryNeurology]

Is women finding FP doctors attractive....a thing?

I thought it was like surgeons and those in surgical subspecialties..but Fam Med.?

 

[QueryNeurology]

.

 

[68PGunner]

Why FP of all specialties?

Tell her that you're gunnin to be an ortho bro...

 

[GH253]

I'm always amused ( also saddened) by conservative anti-psychiatry individuals who believe that psychiatry is a conspiracy to detain freedom and crack down on dissent. They're usually a bit more in need of help themselves than the liberal anti-psychiatry people who tend to just believe that that Rx is evil.

Extra points if the crazies attempt to link the conspiracy towards racist theories.

Psychiatry is a false belief system that doctors come to accept due to their intellectual laziness. The conspiracy theory crap is your own straw man.

 

[Brorthopedic]

Is women finding FP doctors attractive....a thing?

I thought it was like surgeons and those in surgical subspecialties..but Fam Med.?

Most people just think doctors are all equal. They think their FM doc can go do neurosurg if he/she wants and that they just choose not to

 

[Stagg737]

Psychiatry is a false belief system that doctors come to accept due to their intellectual laziness. The conspiracy theory crap is your own straw man.

 

[Taddy Mason]

Psychiatry is a false belief system that doctors come to accept due to their intellectual laziness. The conspiracy theory crap is your own straw man.

 

[Peach Newport]

.

 

[810390]

Fresh high school grads shouldn't really be commenting on marriage or really anything for that matter.

With all due respect mister, adults, and graduated physicians like most of you, are not neccesarily more mature or analytical than all high school students. Age designates your level of maturity and critical thinking skills to only an extent!

Fine. I'm a little asian boy asking for bs/do opinions. I'll take my leave before y'all start taking my lunch money...

Just kidding. @AnatomyGrey12 @eteshoe @DetectiveAlonzo @Major @Walter Lance @OrthoTraumaMD @Frogger27
FIGHT ME

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Fine. I'm a little asian boy asking for bs/do opinions. I'll take my leave before y'all start taking my lunch money...

I'm sorry, but I have to use one of these!

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

With all due respect mister, adults, and graduated physicians like most of you, are not neccesarily more mature or analytical than all high school students. Age designates your level of maturity and critical thinking skills to only an extent!

Fine. I'm a little asian boy asking for bs/do opinions. I'll take my leave before y'all start taking my lunch money...

Just kidding. @AnatomyGrey12 @eteshoe @DetectiveAlonzo @Major @Walter Lance @OrthoTraumaMD @Frogger27
FIGHT ME

Don't do it. Don't sell yourself short just yet by going straight into a direct program.

Go to the cheapest college you can find (yes... even CC works.. as long as you ace your classes).

Do an easy major like or something interesting to you that you can see yourself doing well in and take your pre-reqs on the side. Set aside a summer to study for MCAT. Apply and reach for a MD program.

 

[810390]

To the op: do a med psych or fp psych combined residency

Clearly you're joking. You're telling the op to demoralize himself by compromising to demands from silly wives and parents. I'm going to have to cancel your MD.

Don't do it. Don't sell yourself short just yet by going straight into a direct program.

Go to the cheapest college you can find (yes... even CC works.. as long as you ace your classes).

Do an easy major like or something interesting to you that you can see yourself doing well in and take your pre-reqs on the side. Set aside a summer to study for MCAT. Apply and reach for a MD program.

Thanks for the post and advice. This program offered by NSU is non-binding; once I achieve the competitive GPA and MCAT score I anticipate to earn, or will hopefully, I can apply out.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

Clearly you're joking. You're telling the op to demoralize himself by compromising to demands from silly wives and parents. I'm going to have to cancel your MD.



Thanks for the post and advice. This program offered by NSU is non-binding; once I achieve the competitive GPA and MCAT score I anticipate to earn, or will hopefully, I can apply out.

My mother is having me make sure I study and understand the full scope of physics, chemistry, and biology before I sit in my first lecture hall next fall. I'm doing just that, so I know I'll do a-okay. It looks like a long road before I can tag myself a Resident [Any Field] on SDN, but someday...

It's just as internet forum my man.

No tag on here will equate to your true feelings about yourself.

btw.

You should be enjoying these years. I was just like you. You have to grow up quick.

Reading chem and physics will come in its own time.

Do you.

 

[810390]

It's just as internet forum my man.

No tag on here will equate to your true feelings about yourself.

btw.

You should be enjoying these years. I was just like you. You have to grow up quick.

Reading chem and physics will come in its own time.

Do you.

A big brother of mine went to a prestigious science university, and did miserably. A 3.0~3.1 GPA was what he ended up with in the end; he could not apply to dentistry school like he had planned. He's doing post-bacc and studying for the DAT at the moment.

Although NSU should be far more manageable, the pressure of an insecured future sinks in for kids more exposed to the ruthlessness of colleges and rejections. Until a career is secured by residency match, it's hard to enjoy social life and entertainment to the fullest. It seems only a temporary escape from reality that delays you from studying and finishing work. Consider the Reapplicant MD/DO thread. So many students end up locked out from the doors to graduate school/residency due to deficient GPA and extracurriculars, it seems a recipe for disaster if I do me.

So stressed.

But probably not as stressed as @Peach Newport. Props to you for dealing with this **** and letting me hijack your thread.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

A big brother of mine went to a prestigious science university, and did miserably. A 3.0~3.1 GPA was what he ended up with in the end; he could not apply to dentistry school like he had planned. He's doing post-bacc and studying for the DAT at the moment.

Although NSU should be far more manageable, the pressure of an insecured future sinks in for kids more exposed to the ruthlessness of colleges and rejections. Until a career is secured by residency match, it's hard to enjoy social life and entertainment to the fullest. It seems only a temporary escape from reality that delays you from studying and finishing work. Consider the Reapplicant MD/DO thread. So many students end up locked out from the doors to graduate school/residency due to deficient GPA and extracurriculars, it seems a recipe for disaster if I do me.

So stressed.

But probably not as stressed as @Peach Newport. Props to you for dealing with this **** and letting me hijack your thread.

No offense but with many asians it's because many are intrigued by the "brand-name" appeal of big name universities. It's a status symbol of sorts.

They forget that that also means more competition ---> terrible curves ---> lower grades. You get the idea. **This is highly dependent on the student.. not saying this happens to everybody... but I've seen my fair share of 4.8 students in high school crumble...**

OTOH, I have buds that killed it at CCs and "no-name" state schools who moved on to med school.

While all the other poor chaps we know that went to big name places like your UCLA's and the Yale and Stanfords are really not doing anything and are stuck with a measly bio major.

Insecurity is a bish. Lol

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Until a career is secured by residency match, it's hard to enjoy social life and entertainment to the fullest

Not true my young friend. If you are consistently looking for the next step to make you happy you will just be miserable your whole life. And it's also clear you have no idea how brutal residency is. Doesn't matter what field, it kicks the crap out of you and your social life and entertainment are very much nonexistent outside of your vacation time. Then you become an attending where you get to be a cog in the wheel that has become modern healthcare. If you are looking for a life of enjoying social life and entertainment to the fullest then run from medicine as fast as you can. Or just do what most of us do and just enjoy the moment.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

Not true my young friend. If you are consistently looking for the next step to make you happy you will just be miserable your whole life. And it's also clear you have no idea how total residency is. Doesn't matter what field, it kicks the crap out of you and your social life and entertainment are very much nonexistent outside of your vacation time. Then you become an attending where you get to be a cog in the wheel that has become modern healthcare. If you are looking for a life of enjoying social life and entertainment to the fullest then run from medicine as fast as you can. Or just do what most of us do and just enjoy the moment.

My homie Grey hit the nail on the head. You really have no idea how much social life you have to give up to stay in a room and study and pursue this route.
At the end of the day, this route is full of delayed gratification.

You throw away your "best years" and it will hopefully pay off.

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

My homie Grey hit the nail on the head. You really have no idea how much social life you have to give up to stay in a room and study and pursue this route.
At the end of the day, this route is full of delayed gratification.

You throw away your "best years" and it will hopefully pay off.

Yeah, hopefully when you hit 50 you can spend some of that doctor money.

 

[68PGunner]

Yeah, hopefully when you hit 50 you can spend some of that doctor money.

I'll be that 50 y/o doc partying it up every night and going wild for the young chicas and blows.

 

[michaelrack]

Clearly you're joking. You're telling the op to demoralize himself by compromising to demands from silly wives and parents. I'm going to have to cancel your MD.

.

you can cancel my MD, as long as you don't cancel my board certifications in Psychiatry, Internal Medicine, or Sleep Medicine. You can cancel my certification in Psychosomatic medicine, if you like. I don't think it's silly for a wife to want her husband to be more than a psychiatrist (I do think it is a little silly not to respect pathologists)

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

I'll be that 50 y/o doc partying it up every night and going wild for the young chicas and blows.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

I'll be that 50 y/o doc partying it up every night and going wild for the young chicas and blows.

The nurses my dude...

You always go for the nurses.

Some of them are definitely cuties.

 

[Peach Newport]

you can cancel my MD, as long as you don't cancel my board certifications in Psychiatry, Internal Medicine, or Sleep Medicine. You can cancel my certification in Psychosomatic medicine, if you like. I don't think it's silly for a wife to want her husband to be more than a psychiatrist (I do think it is a little silly not to respect pathologists)

Did you do a combined psych/IM? How do you maintain 4 board certifications?

But my most pressing question is, do you really think it's reasonable to see psychiatry as a lesser specialty?

 

[michaelrack]

I did a combined Med/Psych residency followed by a 1 year sleep fellowship. Psychosomatics is a meaningless certification I picked up along the way. It's difficult maintaining my 3 main specialties- I do a lot of CME/studying. I don't necessarily see psychiatry as a lesser specialty, but I do see most psychiatrists as lesser doctors. For me it's hard to respect a doctor unless they have done a full medical/surgical/transitional internship year.

 

[810390]

Not true my young friend. If you are consistently looking for the next step to make you happy you will just be miserable your whole life. And it's also clear you have no idea how brutal residency is. Doesn't matter what field, it kicks the crap out of you and your social life and entertainment are very much nonexistent outside of your vacation time. Then you become an attending where you get to be a cog in the wheel that has become modern healthcare. If you are looking for a life of enjoying social life and entertainment to the fullest then run from medicine as fast as you can. Or just do what most of us do and just enjoy the moment.

But according to ER, residency training is exciting and filled with social interaction. You get to hang out with interesting, unique doctors while working with them as a team. Attending physicians are portrayed as people who have great jurisdiction on businesses in their department, and make big bucks.

Did you do a combined psych/IM? How do you maintain 4 board certifications?

But my most pressing question is, do you really think it's reasonable to see psychiatry as a lesser specialty?

Clearly you're still considering compromise by settling for a specialty that avoids direct conflict with their interests. I may be a juvenile, but I can tell from experience that if someone gets away with **** without consequence or censure, they will consider the deed acceptable and repeatable. I wouldn't be surprised if in the futre, you encounter more unreasonable demands.

 

[Hershalmike555]

Just tell them that you are not ready yet to go for specialty. You need sometime to make yourself steady.

 

[810390]

I did a combined Med/Psych residency followed by a 1 year sleep fellowship. Psychosomatics is a meaningless certification I picked up along the way. It's difficult maintaining my 3 main specialties- I do a lot of CME/studying. I don't necessarily see psychiatry as a lesser specialty, but I do see most psychiatrists as lesser doctors. For me it's hard to respect a doctor unless they have done a full medical/surgical/transitional internship year.

What the...

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

But according to ER, residency training is exciting and filled with social interaction. You get to hang out with interesting, unique doctors while working with them as a team. Attending physicians are portrayed as people who have great jurisdiction on businesses in their department, and make big bucks

What? I'm starting to think you are a troll... did you really just use a TV show as evidence of your false point of view?

 

[810390]

What? I'm starting to think you are a troll... did you really just use a TV show as evidence of your false point of view?

No, that's how I imagine things are like as a resident doctor. Unless I experience it personally, there's no other way I can affirm that. Youtube videos and blogs depict residence work similar to how I described it above. The docs seem to be very happy doing and learning things in residency training.

Things can't be as boring and grim as you say. Surely there's social life, fun, and fulfilment as a resident.

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

No, that's how I imagine things are like as a resident doctor.

This right here is why you should not do your BS/DO program. You have no idea what you are talking about or getting into. You need to go to college and experience what the world has to offer career wise, take some generals, then volunteer and shadow in a medical setting to see what it is all about. After that if you decide you want to pursue medicine then medical schools won't be going anywhere. You literally have no clue, that's not an insult, it's just the fact of the matter right now.

But my most pressing question is, do you really think it's reasonable to see psychiatry as a lesser specialty?

No. If you want to do psych then do psych. In the end it is just a job, not your identity and passing on something you want to do for the pure sake of appeasing a handful of people who deem it "lesser" (not many people think this way) will just make you unhappy.

 

[810390]

This right here is why you should not do your BS/DO program. You have no idea what you are talking about or getting into. You need to go to college and experience what the world has to offer career wise, take some generals, then volunteer and shadow in a medical setting to see what it is all about. After that if you decide you want to pursue medicine then medical schools won't be going anywhere. You literally have no clue, that's not an insult, it's just the fact of the matter right now.

The premise to my participating in BS/DO is because it offers direct, guaranteed admission, and I find a career in medicine very hands-on, interesting, interactive, and fulfilling. Medicine is a wonderful career with lots of flexibility, and you can pursue a broad range of interests. Even in psychiatry alone, you'd be able to go different routes: medication practices, psychotherapy practices, research, academic/government institutions, jail/court. As a doctor, you can be very helpful in someone else's life in a very integral way. There are so many things you can do with a medical degree.

In BS/DO, I will not need to worry about failing an application cycle. Your suggestion to not engage in BS/DO is confusing. If I discover that medicine isn't my thing after all, I can apply elsewhere if I so desire. The program is non-binding.

The documents of physicians working in their respective specialties on youtube for instance; are you saying it is false or inaccurate? Residents execute what they learn in textbooks and rotations, and emulate their attendings on how they deal with and treat patients. Although you must be very attentive and careful when executing treatment, the work overall is rewarding and interesting. That's how it came cross.

Are you a pre-med? Perhaps the doctors you are shadowing are uninteresting and monotonous.
Are you a resident? Perhaps the residency you're doing right now is constrained, highly stressful, and dull, because the program and director aren't the best, or don't suit you well. Or, if you are an attending, maybe your administration methods are flawed. I think you may have jumped the gun here in that my misconception of what an emergency medicine residence is actually like classifies me as entirely ignorant of what medicine is.

 

[Affiche]

No, that's how I imagine things are like as a resident doctor. Unless I experience it personally, there's no other way I can affirm that. Youtube videos and blogs depict residence work similar to how I described it above. The docs seem to be very happy doing and learning things in residency training.

Things can't be as boring and grim as you say. Surely there's social life, fun, and fulfilment as a resident.

Prepare to be disillusioned.

 

[810390]

Prepare to be disillusioned.

That wasn't very informative. It'd be preferable if you instead responded to the post after the one you just quoted, 'The premise to my...'

 

[Hangry]

Well this thread is certainly a dumpster fire.

OP- you gotta do you as far as choice of medical field. Your SO is clearly not supportive and it may be a sign of deeper relationship issues, as others have said. You stopped getting good advice at least a page and a half ago, fwiw.

Premed kid- take your premed crisis back to pre allo and do yourself a favor by not taking career advice from medical tv shows and learning to enjoy your current stage of life rather than only focusing on a stage 5 steps ahead.

Quadruple boarded guy who hates on psychiatry...I have no words. Just confusion.

Rest of allo (or is this combined med student forum now I don't even know), keep on keeping on. Strong work at least trying to salvage this thread

 

[810390]

Well this thread is certainly a dumpster fire.

OP- you gotta do you as far as choice of medical field. Your SO is clearly not supportive and it may be a sign of deeper relationship issues, as others have said. You stopped getting good advice at least a page and a half ago, fwiw.

Premed kid- take your premed crisis back to pre allo and do yourself a favor by not taking career advice from medical tv shows and learning to enjoy your current stage of life rather than only focusing on a stage 5 steps ahead.

Quadruple boarded guy who hates on psychiatry...I have no words. Just confusion.

Rest of allo (or is this combined med student forum now I don't even know), keep on keeping on. Strong work at least trying to salvage this thread

That about sums it up. Except the "crisis" part.

 

[Stagg737]

I did a combined Med/Psych residency followed by a 1 year sleep fellowship. Psychosomatics is a meaningless certification I picked up along the way. It's difficult maintaining my 3 main specialties- I do a lot of CME/studying. I don't necessarily see psychiatry as a lesser specialty, but I do see most psychiatrists as lesser doctors. For me it's hard to respect a doctor unless they have done a full medical/surgical/transitional internship year.

Guess you don't have much respect for pathologists then...

 

[gallons]

I will forever wonder what this feels like. My family has never pressured me to do anything. Come to think of it, maybe that is not a good thing either...

 

[muhali3]

In any situation where someone's happiness is dependent on your lack of happiness, you really need to consider the nature of the relationship that you're in. It's obvious you care about the opinion of people you love, and that is a good thing, but do they care about yours? Real loving relationships are a two-way street and are not uncompromising in the way it seems in your post.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

@LordLana
TV medicine is nothing, absolutely nothing like real medicine. It looks great on TV where all the drama is about the patients and doing the ethical thing, or some obscure illness or diagnosis, or (if you're watching some egregiously ridiculous crap like Grey's anatomy) relationships. The reality is that even those of us who love what we do (myself included) hate the system and the way it is implemented. You want to blame an individual or a program for what we say here (unhappy resident? Maybe you don't fit. Unhappy attending? Maybe you're not good at admin.) Trust me, it ain't us. It's the whole system that is geared toward helping bureaucrats, not doctors or patients. If you want a brutal, honest, unadulterated look at what it is actually like, read "the house of God" by Samuel Shem. Then, if you still want to do medicine after that, go for it. I did.

 

[michaelrack]

Guess you don't have much respect for pathologists then...

Guess I contradicted myself there. I respect pathologists, just see them as different from other docs (little direct patient care). I personally don't know any.