I am reading all of this and thinking what many others have already commented, you do need help. Just because you know what your problems are, doesn't mean that removing yourself from the situation will fix it. Here's what I am seeing: you have a clear and severe lack of confidence, it comes off glaringly in every post. Trust me, you probably don't even notice it, but this self-deprecating behavior and the way you talk, you likely do that off the internet too and that definitely rubs people the wrong way, even if you're essentially crying out for help/attention and not intentionally doing so. A self-loathing personality does not warrant a lot of success as far as interpersonal relationships are concerned. You cannot take criticism at all, but instead get combative. Listen to what others are saying to you and remember we can only judge what we're given, but the way you write it also calls for its own judgment.
You asked earlier, "what is wrong with me?" in that post where you talked about interviews, shadowing, etc. Read your own post. You said you were texting while shadowing. You interviewed for jobs you didn't have the necessary credentials for (you're not PTCB certified, you can't be a pharmacy tech; your timelime didn't work for the scribe position; you were judged as unprofessional in the other interview). Not all of these issues are solely on you (I basically read there was a major miscommunication with the pharmacy thing and maybe they didn't have the job you were attempting to interview for available by this time..idk, just speculation), but many of them can be fixed, especially professionalism. Err on the side of caution for interview attire, leave your phone in the car or in your pocket, don't be fooling around with ID clips, and fudging your tutoring numbers is also unprofessional. Evaluate your own behavior, do you not see why all these things could cause problems for you? You know this, so fix it.
I am EXCELLENT at hiding my own personal demons, self-esteem nightmare, and mental health issues, but I know these behaviors when I see it. The way you talk just conveys all of this and talking to someone could help you better communicate and not come off as whiny and self-loathing. This is what rubs people the wrong way, I know because I deal with it too. At this point, though, I've owned up to it and I know it's my own behavior leading to the isolation I've found myself in. I had a terrible home life with a father I couldn't please, too. Getting out of there didn't fix a damn thing, as all the problems created all those years ago are still very present in my brain and shape my thinking. Your experiences have shaped yours as well, and you need to do something about it. (I am assuming you hold yourself to ridiculously high standards, correct?) Many of us are dealt terrible hands from the time we're born. It sucks, but it's life. You just gotta get through it somehow and perservere. Don't use it as a crutch to explain away anything, as it isn't an excuse. At the end of the day, your decisions are your own and the only person that can be held accountable is you. I really hope your situation improves, I know how bad it can be, but please just read what I've said and consider all of it before responding, if you choose to do so.
I am thinking
@Goro was basically saying that you were beyond reasoning, that's why he said we're done here. You asked for advice, it was given and you got defensive. That's where it went wrong, your
behavior again. Take all advice with a grain of salt, but don't get defensive and think the world is out to get you or criticizing you when you receive advice raw. Nobody on here is trying to outright insult you, please remember this. Sometimes the truth is ugly but sometimes you just need to hear it.
EDIT: PS - I received 4 post-interview rejections, so maybe I am not so great at hiding anything. Point being, I interview poorly.
