- Joined
- Sep 16, 2016
- Messages
- 37
- Reaction score
- 5
Failed. 185 to 175..
https://postimg.org/image/nbyhatn9p/
This incompetency and feeling of utter humiliation and disappointment despite prioritizing this exam over everything and everyone to put MYSELF in the best possible situation to do well and to put an end to this chapter so that I can finally start feeling good and not be reminded of my inadequacy is just---demoralizing to put it mildly. I mean why this and me?
I did not take this test lightly because I never do and doing so would be an injustice to myself especially because there is so much at stake. I am almost 30 and have nothing to show for my hard work. See, I was one of those kids in high school who took all the advanced placement classes and took various courses at community college while being in high school. Had multiple jobs in high school and undergraduate years. After not getting into medical school right away, spent 1 year at a postbac program (major waste) and then 1 year pursuing a masters in biochemistry before starting medical school.
More importantly, parents have always encouraged to never shy away from pushing yourself and always try to do better. Got an A? Why not an A+? I guess that is the price you pay for being raised in a military family where education was a priority, and everything else can go to hell.
As I have said, this feeling and perception of incompetency is a real stinger. Seeing disappointed faces of well-educated parents who are pushing 70 and still working 80 hours a week working minimal wage job is just heartbreaking. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with minimum paying job because it is an honest living, but it is quite a precipitous fall from working as an Anesthesiologist, Department Chair who was often consulted on various complicated cases throughout the country. I see their pain even though they do not say it. Maybe I am trying too hard to do well? Maybe I need to be more nonchalant about my prep.
I have never been more disappointed in my life. For once, I would like my hard work to pay off. I could have used a win to end this chapter of 2-year misery. I have no obligation and definitely no financial obligation. Not required to work or support a family. Have all the comforts of life and place to live, heat, food etc. And one thing that is required of me, for my own benefit, I cannot even do that. Shame!
I know many of you here will see this as silly and yes, this person is intellectually challenged. Maybe you right, so feel free to do so because I cannot be more embarrassed. This is not possible.
https://postimg.org/image/nbyhatn9p/
This incompetency and feeling of utter humiliation and disappointment despite prioritizing this exam over everything and everyone to put MYSELF in the best possible situation to do well and to put an end to this chapter so that I can finally start feeling good and not be reminded of my inadequacy is just---demoralizing to put it mildly. I mean why this and me?
I did not take this test lightly because I never do and doing so would be an injustice to myself especially because there is so much at stake. I am almost 30 and have nothing to show for my hard work. See, I was one of those kids in high school who took all the advanced placement classes and took various courses at community college while being in high school. Had multiple jobs in high school and undergraduate years. After not getting into medical school right away, spent 1 year at a postbac program (major waste) and then 1 year pursuing a masters in biochemistry before starting medical school.
More importantly, parents have always encouraged to never shy away from pushing yourself and always try to do better. Got an A? Why not an A+? I guess that is the price you pay for being raised in a military family where education was a priority, and everything else can go to hell.
As I have said, this feeling and perception of incompetency is a real stinger. Seeing disappointed faces of well-educated parents who are pushing 70 and still working 80 hours a week working minimal wage job is just heartbreaking. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with minimum paying job because it is an honest living, but it is quite a precipitous fall from working as an Anesthesiologist, Department Chair who was often consulted on various complicated cases throughout the country. I see their pain even though they do not say it. Maybe I am trying too hard to do well? Maybe I need to be more nonchalant about my prep.
I have never been more disappointed in my life. For once, I would like my hard work to pay off. I could have used a win to end this chapter of 2-year misery. I have no obligation and definitely no financial obligation. Not required to work or support a family. Have all the comforts of life and place to live, heat, food etc. And one thing that is required of me, for my own benefit, I cannot even do that. Shame!
I know many of you here will see this as silly and yes, this person is intellectually challenged. Maybe you right, so feel free to do so because I cannot be more embarrassed. This is not possible.
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