Cracking up

[Done34]

K

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[grapefruit17]

My husband is doing his clinical rotations three hours away. I am living with my mother with our three month old daughter. We have no money and have to pay for him to live with a roommate close to the hospital. He is spending money like crazy and has developed a bad reputation at this rotation for not showing up and being late. Every other day he is making me log in to his school send emails deal with his loan payments put out his fires all while recovering from a c section and now a slipped disk. I can barely move, can't pick up my baby. Now we find out he has to finish his rotations five states away. I am at my wits end. We can't afford two rents but he wants to keep paying his rent here because he doesn't want to "bail" on his roommate he signed the lease with. His irresponsibility has drained our bank account and nearly got him kicked out of school. I am already 34 and don't see a light at the end of this tunnel. He frequently falls into depression and tells me he hates medicine. I want him to quit med school and support his family if he hates it so much. Is this just how med students are? Or am I right in thinking this is not for him? Am I being supportive or unsupportive by telling him to quit?

How much debt do you guys have from med school?

Is he in an American md school?

What is he spending money on? Other stuff besides housing? Clinical years can be expensive but I want to hear what he's Buying before I form an opinion

 

[grapefruit17]

He shouldn't be in loan repayment if he's in clinical years

 

[Done34]

It's a Caribbean med school. His loan company threw him out of deferment because he had a leave of absence or whatever they call it he took off over six months to study for the step 1. The bills went to his parents house by the time i got them it was a mess. I don't know what he spends it on its cash withdrawals

 

[grapefruit17]

I'm going to private message you and tell you my opinion.

 

[Done34]

How much debt do you guys have from med school?

Is he in an American md school?

What is he spending money on? Other stuff besides housing? Clinical years can be expensive but I want to hear what he's Buying before I form an opinion

400,000 debt

 

[futuremdforme]

He doesn't sound like he is interested in being a real husband or a dad.

That's not how med students are! He's acting like a teenager, not a grown man with a family. He's made terrible choices and if he's not going to class, he's going to fail out -- caribbean schools are hard enough to match from as it is.

Do you have a job to return to? Honestly I would consult a lawyer because you want to make sure you're not responsible for those debts...

 

[Done34]

As far as I knew I was not responsible because he acquired them before we got marrie HOWEVER now that he consolidated some which moved them to another loan service now I'm afraid it's treated like a new loan and I will be. The only job I could possibly return to is for my dad but it is physical and I'm afraid that if m back problems persist I won't be able to do it.

 

[Done34]

Cash withdrawals and bailing on clinical rotations throw up some huge red flags to me...does he have a substance abuse history?

Yup. Problem is so do a lot of his med school friends. Most actually I can only think of one that doesn't. He thinks it comes with the territory of stress. That's why I'm here, to see if this behavior is natural due to the stress and if it is likely to end when it's all over.

 

[futuremdforme]

Yup. Problem is so do a lot of his med school friends. Most actually I can only think of one that doesn't. He thinks it comes with the territory of stress. That's why I'm here, to see if this behavior is natural due to the stress and if it is likely to end when it's all over.

That's really not normal. I think you should consult a lawyer for your own sake and for your baby's.

 

[DokterMom]

The 'consult a lawyer' bit is really very good advice. You need to know what your options are to get out from under his debt, and it may turn out that a 'strategic divorce' ("I still love you and am committed to you, but need to legally separate myself and our baby for financial reasons.") may turn out to be your best option.

Your hubby needs to get his act together before he pulls you all under irretrievably. Professionalism standards for Caribbean grads are higher than for US grads -- they need to be better than US MD grads if they hope to match. Right now, he's torpedoing his chances... How was his STEP 1 score?

 

[Done34]

The 'consult a lawyer' bit is really very good advice. You need to know what your options are to get out from under his debt, and it may turn out that a 'strategic divorce' ("I still love you and am committed to you, but need to legally separate myself and our baby for financial reasons.") may turn out to be your best option.

Your hubby needs to get his act together before he pulls you all under irretrievably. Professionalism standards for Caribbean grads are higher than for US grads -- they need to be better than US MD grads if they hope to match. Right now, he's torpedoing his chances... How was his STEP 1 score?

His score was a 253 and I def should consult a lawyer because I really don't have any sense of security. Even if he gets matched there's no guarantee he won't screw it up I live in constant panic

 

[Done34]

I would hope you know that this is really abnormal behavior, but since you claim not to:

No, this is not normal. This is not behavior you can chalk up to "just stress" or the rigors of medical school.

I have two major concerns and a host of minor concerns:

1. His physical safety and well being. If he is abusing drugs or alcohol to a point that it is causing him to show up late to work, develop a bad reputation, and make sketchy cash withdrawals when you guys are already broke? He is showing major red flags and is at risk of serious harm.

2. I'm not sure if you are aware of this but you are also telling us some major red flags that he may not make it through medical school at all, or that he might not match at the end. This is a big possibility and would have some major downstream effects on both of your lives.

You and he both need professional help, ASAP. This is serious stuff.

Alcohol no it's most likely pot but as for his other friends they have abused other drugs so I guess anything is possible. As far as the pot is concerned unfortunately even though i never got into it i know many people don't see the same kind if taboo with it as other drugs. I don't know if it explains the lack of responsibility or not honestly I met him when he was 28 from what i know pot always seems to be involved during his worst times so I don't buy the idea that pot isn't as bad as other drugs. I do seem to be alone on that most of the time though.

 

[DokterMom]

Please, please, please talk to that lawyer for the sake of both you and your child. Clearly he's extremely bright (253 STEP 1) but also prone to self-destruction (Caribbean MD school with ample smarts to have gone US MD) plus performance issues likely due at least in part to pot abuse. You owe it to yourself and your child not to let him pull you both down if/when he sinks his own ship.

With only 6 more months to go before applying for residency positions and with a very strong STEP score, I'd hesitate to encourage him to throw in the medical towel now if you think you can prop him up long enough to apply super-broadly and match , or potentially leverage an MD degree into something lucrative. But bad comments regarding professionalism will kill his chances... (ergo also yours)