Baby before or after med school?

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Tribeca

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My husband and I are debating whether to or not have our first child before medical school. I'm 24 years old and am planning to join the medical class of 2012. Initially, we decided on waiting until after residency, but now we are having second thoughts. We've come up with a list of pro's and con's regarding waiting or having one now, and they don't seem to outweigh each other! I've talked to two doctors who are about 7 yrs into practice and don't have kids, and both have advised that we have one now - because we might end up saying, "after MS," then "after residency," then "after I establish my practice"... and so on. I've also read in the non-trad forums (oldpremeds and momMD) that there's "never a good time" to have kids and that it could be done. Although I think that being 34 years old after residency is still an okay age for childbearing, I'm worried that being on birth control (i'm on BCP) for about 13 years will limit my chances of becoming pregnant. On the flip side, I'm also worried about child care, finances, and not having enough time for my child while in MS and residency (add on the guilt factor that comes with it!)

I'm 4 classes away from my prereq's and will take the MCAT next year. we're thinking of maybe planning on having a child so that he/she will be 1.5-2 yrs old by the time I start med school in 2008... but then again, should we?

Any thoughts/advice from premeds who are parents (and those who aren't) will be appreciated! :)

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I'm 29 and my husband is 36. We are going to wait until residency. By then I will be 35 or 36 and he'll be 41 or 42. We realize that's a little older than either of us originally dreamed, but we look young and feel young and will have two salaries again.

This plan could go out the window if I got into med school close enough to live at home. Then we might opt for that summer between M1 and M2, or even during the "glide" year.

But at 24, seriously, don't worry about it too much.
 
DSIII,
If you could be a fly on the wall at my house, you would have heard the same conversation I have been having with my husband non-stop about this same issue. If there is one doubt I have in my mind about this whole going back to med school stampede I am doing is that how and when will I be a mother? I am a week away from being 27 and will be applying for the entering medical school class of 2007. My husband is currently in law school (as a non-trad) and the big joke we always had was that when he graduated from law school I would be big and pregnant at his graduation (May '07). My fears and doubts spur from this change in plans that I am throwing in the loop because if I were to be accepted (God willing) to medical school next year, we will wait even longer to have children.

I am telling you all this because, if it helps, these are things that I have had to tell myself to ease my doubts. I live in an area where many of my friends are now new parents. Many of the wives stay at home at least part-time, if not full-time with their children. In that regard, my desires to go back to medical school are reflected in my friends' faces by that surprised look of, "But what about having kids??" It is in their shocked faces that I find doubt. Which is why I did not tell many more people after that when I decided I was just going to go back to school. Having children is a decision between you and your husband alone. If I were to not have children until I am done with my residency, I am looking at having children at 36-37. These doubts, though, when I really think about them, come from my friends and my "societal expectations" (southern, family-oriented, rooted in God living :) ) of the importance of having a family at a younger age. Be true to yourself, though. I have been told by other individuals who have had children (not in med school but in graduate school) to wait. I could not have imagined having a child when I was in graduate school. It would have been very difficult. From other SDNers (thanks to DrMom) and MomMDers (go to mommd.com, as well, for good support on this subject), they let you know it is possible either way you decide (children before, after, or during medical school). The most important thing I have heard from everyone, though, is to have a very deep support group that will be there when you cannot (husband, day care, parents, nanny, etc.)

Good luck on your decision and please feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. I'm in your boat, sister.
 
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I'll weigh in and say do it now. I'm a non-trad starting med school in the fall. I'm in my mid-30's, and have two children, one of whom is an infant.

Everyone's circumstances and experiences are different, but consider two things: 1. it is not at all as easy to get pregnant when you are, say 36, compared to mid 20's or even late 20's. I know people who waited and were unable to conceive. Not saying this would happen to you, but I do think people underestimate the diminishiping fertility gradient a woman experiences after 30. 2. Having/raising children, young children, is physically exhuasting. I actually often wish I'd had children when I was younger and stronger. If you're ready, and that's a big if, you should do it when you are in your 20's.

Good luck!!! :)
 
I'd really recommend not underestimating the difficulty some women have in getting pregnant in their mid- to late-30s. Many of my friends are career women who waited until now. Some have gotten pregnant frighteningly easily but others have tried for several years and may now look into adoption.

Not an easy choice...
 
I am a second year med student... still. I was originally class of 2007. I should be graduating next year. However, at the beginning of my second year I got pregnant. My boyfriend at the time, husband now, are both med students. We were both on the same track. We thought, what the hell, we can do this. Unfortunately we were wrong. I ended up decelerating, to become class of 2008. I finished my first quarter, barely, and then ended up with severe post partum hypothyroid. It took my doc 3 months to get it under control. I lost my ability to think and remember what I was studying. I had to take a leave of absence. I am now class of 2009... if I even end up finishing. I can't go back to school until next winter. I don't know if we can afford for me to finish. Not to mention, it is very very hard to leave a small baby at home while you are going to class and studying... especially when they get older and cry and cry for you all day long. If I had it to do all over again I would wait. I don't care how old I would be. I am 28 now, I would be 33 before I could have a family... who cares? Atleast I would be a doctor then right? Now I don't even know if I'm going to make it to there. I guess it all depends on what you want for you life. My dream since I was 8 was to be a doctor... now I'm a mother. ?? I wish I could have done it both, maybe I will, who knows. Good luck to you. What ever decision you make, just remember, its only life... no one really knows what the future holds for them, no matter how hard you plan.
 
Hi there,
If you are fertile and having sex, pregnancy and babies can come at any time during your medical career. I had classmates who were pregnant every year of medical school and one who gave birth five days before the Match so she was interviewing in a very pregnant state. It worked out for everyone with some planning.

Some things to keep in mind:

1. You can take maternity-leave during medical school if you give birth. Your Dean of Students will arrange a schedule for you depending on when you have your baby.
2. The amount of guilt you have in not staying home with your child nor the amount of not staying home with your child is not going to affect his or her development. I have an attending (general surgeon)who give birth last year. She stayed home for eight weeks and is now back to full-time practice. She has good child-care and a husband (a urologist) who is very supportive and shares equally in the care of their child. Their child is a healthy, happy five-month old at present.
3. Both male and female physicians in today's climate of practice want and need to be with their children. Residencies and medical schools have taken this into consideration and gone are the days where you must choose between your child and your career. Careful planning and good support systems are necessary no matter what stage your career.
4. A woman's fertility declines precipitiously after age 30. You cannot be sure that you will be able to give birth at any point after that age. There are a fair number of women who undergo premature ovarian failure after the age of 30 so you might want to give birth earlier instead of later if this is important to you.
5. Medical school, medicine and family life are not mutually exclusive. You can have plenty of time for everything with disciplined study, a good support system and planning. I have seen too many examples of everything working out to believe anything else.

njbmd :)

Plan on attending the 2006 convention of the National Society of Non-Traditional Premedical and Medical students June 8-12 at the Crystal City Sheraton in Crystal City, Va (near Washington, DC's National Airport) for extensive presentations on combining family life with medicine at all stages of your career and making it work.
 
I feel anyone's pain who's dealing with this. I am 32 and don't expect to finally be in med school until I am 36 or older. I am assuming I will have to have kids while in med school. All the same, I'm not involved with anyone, don't feel like I have time/energy to start a relationship right now, do not know when/where I'll have the time/energy to date. My social life right now consists of going to synagogue (where there are no singles), and meeting the same friends every week to play board games, and that's all I have the energy to do. I almost wish we were in an arranged marriage culture.

Sometimes I feel like I really wasted my 20s on the wrong partners and career choices and wish I had either already gotten through school, or already had kids...
 
thirdunity said:
My social life right now consists of going to synagogue (where there are no singles), and meeting the same friends every week to play board games, and that's all I have the energy to do..

May I suggest you shoot for a med school in the DC area. A very close friend of mine (who has unfortunately moved to Cali :mad: ) has had NO problem filling her dating calender with eligible jewish men in their 30's. Of course many of them are divorced with at least 1 child, but quite single just the same!
 
njbmd said:
Hi there,
If you are fertile and having sex, pregnancy and babies can come at any time during your medical career. I had classmates who were pregnant every year of medical school and one who gave birth five days before the Match so she was interviewing in a very pregnant state. It worked out for everyone with some planning.

Some things to keep in mind:

1. You can take maternity-leave during medical school if you give birth. Your Dean of Students will arrange a schedule for you depending on when you have your baby.
2. The amount of guilt you have in not staying home with your child nor the amount of not staying home with your child is not going to affect his or her development. I have an attending (general surgeon)who give birth last year. She stayed home for eight weeks and is now back to full-time practice. She has good child-care and a husband (a urologist) who is very supportive and shares equally in the care of their child. Their child is a healthy, happy five-month old at present.
3. Both male and female physicians in today's climate of practice want and need to be with their children. Residencies and medical schools have taken this into consideration and gone are the days where you must choose between your child and your career. Careful planning and good support systems are necessary no matter what stage your career.
4. A woman's fertility declines precipitiously after age 30. You cannot be sure that you will be able to give birth at any point after that age. There are a fair number of women who undergo premature ovarian failure after the age of 30 so you might want to give birth earlier instead of later if this is important to you.
5. Medical school, medicine and family life are not mutually exclusive. You can have plenty of time for everything with disciplined study, a good support system and planning. I have seen too many examples of everything working out to believe anything else.

njbmd :)
Great post! I'd just lke to add that many of the things you'll need to do to be a successful Mom in med school, will serve you quite well when you become a Physician Mom too!
 
as a side note to my previous post... and I think I've posted this in another thread or forum....

I remember my mom trying to be there for my brother and I in med school, and I was really hard for her. She went to SIU, so the first year she was able to live at home with us (and when she was finishing her bachelor's degree). The last 3 years were in Springfield (about 2.5 hours away), so we really didn't see her much. She still carries the guilt around with her, and I see it come out every now and then. Not that I'm telling anyone else to wait, but that one motivating reason for me because I lived through it.

Another reason that crossed my mind aside from the possibility that my husband and I could be separated for several years (there are only 2 med schools within commuting distance near us) - Once residency starts, my husband and I plan on trying for kids, and he wants to be a stay at home dad, so we won't have to worry about someone "being there" for the kids. Because of the uncertainty in where I will go to med school - it could be close or I might have to move several hours away, that waiting is the best option for us. But it might not be the best option for someone else....

Things for us might change if I did get into med school close to home. Daycare is not expensive here (about 60/week for in-home) so we could swing it hypothetically. We're just going to wait and see and hope for the best!

And again, at 29 and 36, we've never felt healthier or better, and I imagine late nights in med school will help prepare for late nights with a baby :p

Oh, and knowing that issues with fertility might come up are always in the back of my head. My family has a history of late pregnancies (women in their late 30's-early 40's) with healthy babies, so that eases my mind a little.

It's funny, too, that I do have a large support system - everyone would love for us to have a baby, but no one lives close to us!
 
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Another important note about fertility that people ALWAYS seem to forget is that ~49% of fertility problems are attributable to the MAN. So if you're late 30's and he's early 40's, this could potentialy be a "double dose" of future fertility issues you may have, not to mention the viagra issues that starts to come into play with men this age, no matter how late women in your family have pregnancies.

Personally I wouldn't take that chance but hey, to each their own!

PS- Sorry to burst anyones bubble about the viagra issue but do you guys REALLY think Donald Trump didn't need a little help? :laugh:
 
i have a daughter now and plan to matriculate 2007. my daughter will be two by then. my wife and I are talking about having another very soon. that way when I am in med school they will both probably sleep through the night and during the times when I really need to study my wife can pay attention to them or I can pop on a DVD and they will be good for a couple hours. Is this the best thing for my kids, probably not, but my wife is very supportive and will help a lot, but everyone is different.
 
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I have a 19 month old and a 2 month old now as I take pre-reqs, study for the MCAT and volunteer. They will be 3 and 1.5 when I start med school (hopefully). We had baby #2 on Thanksgiving and I went back to class a week later and aced my final. We decided having baby #2 BEFORE med school was best for us because: both kids will be old enough for day care by the time I start, I'll have a few years as a stay-at-home mom anyway, and we're not risking fertility problems. For me, having kids was more important than becoming a doctor so I couldn;t see waiting to have them and risking infertility. I also think it's nice to have them both to 2 years old (well, yougest will be 1.75) when I put them in daycare since 0-3 are the most important years developmentally. Our oldest son is special needs and takes a lot more work than most kids, but we feel confident we'll all survive med school since my husband and i are both committed and we know we're doing the best thing for our kids. Oh, and the real reason we had the kids now is because we just couldn;t wait! I had that totally overwhelming bilogical URGE to have babies. Rationality leaves you at such times and thank goodness it does. My babies are the best thing I'll ever do! :love: :thumbup:
 
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It's great that everyone wants to share their stories.

Ultimately, though YOU will have to decide how family will fit into your life. There are many hard decisions that come with being a non-trad, and this one of the most important and difficult you will make.

Some people will tell you that your biological clock is ticking or you will not have the energy to handle kids in residency or after. Some will tell you how painful it is to be separated from your young children during med school.

The bottom line is that only YOU know what's best for YOU. There are people everywhere that have healthy children well into their 40's. That doesn't mean YOU will be able to. There are plenty of late-30-somethings or 40-somethings that have more energy than 3 young, ripe pre-meds put together. That doesn't mean YOU will have bundles of energy. There are some who were painfully separated from their loved ones during med school (location), but that doesn't mean YOU will be separated. There are those that feel that they can't devote enough time to their families even living at home as a med student, but that doesn't mean YOU won't have extra time. Do you see what I'm getting at?

I don't really ask this question to anyone except myself and my husband. We would like a family, but we also worry about everything I've written above. As of now, we have decided to wait. Yes, there are people every day hinting about my biological clock. So what? Like we never thought of that! We have discussed this topic until we have nothing left to talk about, and have explored every scenario available from me unexpectedly getting pregnant in 5 minutes from now to having a child with disabilities in our 40's to not being able to conceive at all. In all instances, we look at each other and say, "We'll deal with it when that happens."

I am certain of one thing: I need to get into medical school and see WHERE I get in before I can really back our decision to wait for children.

Like I said, it's nice to have real-life examples from both sides of the fence, but you can't let someone else's life be the deciding factor. Look at your own situation and trust your instincts. So far, waiting or not waiting, everyone seems happy with their decision, and I'm sure you will be, too.
 
i'm glad that i stumbled upon this thread - - i'm beginning med school this fall, i'm married/28/ planning (hoping) to start a family in medical school (with my husband's help of course). what has amazed me has actually been how supportive the schools are regarding this. i never brought this up during interviews, but it was brought up for me by interviewers who would say things like "our program is very flexible, you can take up to 6 months/year off and still be a full-time student, it would be ideal if you are thinking of starting a family". WOW, i was really surprised by that. I know it can be done (i had a friend who had 2 children during medical school). i know how others feel though - i have had some friends who haven't been as supportive of my moving into medicine because they saw that as my choice to be a poor parent (or a choice to not have children at all). (for them they couldn't imaging not staying at home with the children).
 
Bunsen Honeydew said:
1. it is not at all as easy to get pregnant when you are, say 36, compared to mid 20's or even late 20's. I know people who waited and were unable to conceive. Not saying this would happen to you, but I do think people underestimate the diminishiping fertility gradient a woman experiences after 30. 2. Having/raising children, young children, is physically exhuasting. I actually often wish I'd had children when I was younger and stronger.

I'd also add the risk for most genetic diseases of mitotic/meiotic non-disjunction increases significantly with maternal age (downs syndrome, patau syndrome, edwards syndrome, turner's, klinefelters, trisomy X). Downs goes from approx 1/2000 at age 20 to approx 1/100 at age 40.
 
Don't forget that even if you are in your 20's you might not get pregnant right away. I had a friend last year during my postbac who was trying all year long (she was 24) because she wanted to have the baby a long time before med school started. Well she didn't get pregnant until after she took the MCAT finished the program, probably because her stress levels plumeted afterwards! So she ended up having a baby a year later than she had planned and actually put off going to school for one year. Even when you plan early your plans might go awry... :rolleyes:
 
As an MSIV, I've been thinking about the same thing. The conclusion I've come to is that there's no 'great' time to have a baby when you're in the medical field. Just 'better' or 'worse' times.

Looking back on my experiences and those of my classmates', it looks like 4th year of med school or your last year of residency seem to be the most popular times for most females to become pregnant. I'd have to say that 1st year of medical school, 3rd year of med school or intern year would be a lot more challenging but of course, still do-able.

Good luck with your decision. :luck:
 
Ah the subject I have been weighing on my mind ALOT as of late. With my MS-3 hubby and myself looking for class of 2012, when is the best time? We both hoped to have kids rather younger. I won't be 36 until residency is over. I see myself having 2 children in med school (or one before and one during). We shall see though. Its something we both talked about but its not in the works until he graduates and starts residency and has health insurance. Then we'll consider the options. But we talk about it as its very important to us.
 
My wife and I constantly talk about this. Before, during or after. I suppose there is a good argument for any of the three.
 
Hi, I posted about this in the pre-allopathic forum and got blasted. I was also wondering about people's experiences with babies and starting med school. We are currently trying to get pregnant and I am thinking to defer a year to give myself time to adjust. Lately, though, I'm thinking about just going in fall 2008. I may be anywhere up to 8 months pregnant so not sure about this. Does anyone have any experiences being pregnant when they started med school?? Thanks!
 
Hi, I posted about this in the pre-allopathic forum and got blasted. I was also wondering about people's experiences with babies and starting med school. We are currently trying to get pregnant and I am thinking to defer a year to give myself time to adjust. Lately, though, I'm thinking about just going in fall 2008. I may be anywhere up to 8 months pregnant so not sure about this. Does anyone have any experiences being pregnant when they started med school?? Thanks!
I met with the director of admissions at Jeff today. They have a daycare that is available to staff, faculty and students.

When I mentioned when I was thinking of having a baby, this is basically what her suggestion came down to. Before medical school is a good idea, obviously months to a year before you matriculate. During MS-1 and MS-2 is a very bad idea, as the classes are so intensive and you're preparing for your Step 1. She told me a number of students take a a year off between MS-2 and MS-3 for varying reasons, going abroad for the Peace Corps, raising a baby, etc. You can do it during MS-3 or MS-4, if you plan and schedule your rotations and time off accordingly. During residency is extremely difficult, but I know a female doctor that had a kid her last year of residency. I imagine that's much easier than the first few years.

Personally, we want a baby before I start medical school. After that, we'll see when it looks like we'll be able to work it. There is a history of infertility with his parents, and I don't want to wait until I'm done residency. That will be 10 years from now, when I'm 33 and he's 37.
 
Actually, I found being pregnant during MS1/MS2 to be ok because basically you study when you feel up to it. I'm 28 and my husband and I decided not to wait any longer to have kids. My school has been very accommodating regarding my schedule. I'm taking a year leave of absence when the baby is born, even though that will fall in the middle of the school year. I also know women who have been pregnant as MS3s or even as interns (one doc I know had 5 kids throughout med school and residency!).

If you think it's a good time in your life to have kids, don't let the fact that you are in med school stop you. It's not necessary to only do it before school or otherwise wait until residency is over.
 
Just wanted to chime in. To the women who have this conversation with their husbands "all the time"- how long have you been married? I'm married to a M3, I'm a M2, and although we've been married less than a year, I'm already trying to figure out the best time to have a baby.

I personally think, to the girls who are married, that M1 and M2 are the EASIEST years (after finishing gross anatomy 1st year, ideally). As long as your school does not have a mandatory attendance policy, you have total control over where and when you study. And really, class is a waste of time (it took me a while to figure that out) AS LONG as your school has audio and note service of lectures. You can actually be practically a stay at home mom, get your studying done at home, and do fine. If I had been married before med school and known all this, I probably would have gone for it. I have lots of people in my class who are married and/or have children (I live in the Bible belt- people get married young) and so far I don't now of anyone failing because of it.

M3 is long hours. I'd say of all the years, it and internship year are the worst. But most schools will allow a year long LOA bt 2nd and 3rd year, so there's that option. If you have on-campus daycare, then that is just amazing. I wish we had that here =( Fourth year you have total control over your schedule and it's pretty laid back (if you want it to be). So really the only super-time intensive year is 3rd year. Even with that, some rotations my hubbie is at the hospital at 8 and off by 2-3pm. But then some like surgery and ob/gyn he got up at 430 and didn't get home until 7pm.

My personal opinion is that med school nor residency is going to be ideal, and you just have to become a good multi-tasker. Med school to a certain extent forces you to be. I would rather have kids younger and be settled and still in my 30's or early 40's by the time they're a little more grown up. I do want 4 kids though, so for those only wanting 1 or 2 it might be different. Just my two cents!

I feel y'alls pain though. I'm wanting a baby :oops: :love:
 
My experience with this issue:

I wasn't ready to have kids in my 20s. My husband was, but understood my career goals were important, so eventually stopped nagging me about it :laugh:.

I matriculated in med school in 2003, and soon decided that it was time for us to have a child, and that I wanted one born just after 2nd year was done. I was 30 at the time, and everything worked out perfectly; my daughter was born in June of 2005. I ended up taking a year off afterwards, as my originally planned 6 months just wasn't enough time.

Due to a childcare hiccup, I took 2 rotations off in third year, knowing that I would need to delay graduation again if I wanted any time off during 4th year. It was valuable time with my daughter, as I afterwards found that I was finally able to come to terms with being away from her for extended periods of time. Some people can do that without flinching, but I surprisingly hated every second of separation during the beginning of 3rd year. That's something to consider- I never thought that would happen to me, but it did, and rather threw me for a loop.
I often think it would have been easier if I had been ready to have kids earlier, and they were pretty much independent people (ie school-aged) by the time I started med school. Or the other option, that I hadn't pursued other interests before college, and had gone the traditional route and had kids after residency (and had endured the back-in-the-day 110 hr weeks of an ortho resident like I originally planned! :eek:) But that wasn't my life course, so whatever.

Last year, I decided we had to have another child before I started residency, because I am planning on doing surgery and realized I would be in my 40s after fellowship. We're due this summer with #2; I'll be taking another year off and decelerating my leftover credits to cover the whole year. The timing really works out well, other than the fact that it is very weird to be skipping through graduating classes and to know 10 times as many residents as I do students.

A big reason for this path for #2 is that I won't be asked to pay loans back until after my graduation date, so taking time off now instead of later makes financial sense. I will have the option of doing some research during that time if I so desire- helpful for competitive residencies. Also, I will be able to do more electives during my final year, as there is no cap, just an extended time during which to complete the minimums.

Most of all, I know, not even considering my age, that I do NOT want to have kids during residency. I've seen the horrible emotional struggles some of our residents have gone through when they try to return after a 1 or 2 month leave. I am strongly attached to being the primary caretaker during infancy, so that scenario just doesn't work for me. As difficult as it is to realize that it will have taken me 7 years to complete medical school, I would regret it so much more if I did not take advantage of this time with my children.

So, final analysis: If you REALLY feel emotionally- individually and as a couple- and financially ready to have kids early, go for it. Having a good support system once you are in med school is key. My support system is amazing (very involved and supportive husband, my mom living with us to do childcare- and cook and do laundry!- and lots of mommy friends for advice and fantastic hand-me-downs); I can't imagine being able to have all the options that I do without it.

If before med school isn't an option and you feel that after residency is too late- and I beg to differ that 30s is too late unless you already have risk factors for fertility issues- then during is a great time. I agree that first and second year are a great time. For me personally, they were 2 of the cruisest years of my entire educational life. I thought I would be the type at the library for hours every day, but it turned out that was entirely unnecessary for me- and I even did decently grade-wise and quite well on step 1.

Finally, despite all the declining fertility talk, I have had many friends have children in their 30s. The only ones who had any intervention were artificially inseminated due to lack of a male partner (either as single parents by choice or as lesbians). I have huge risk factors for fertility issues, but didn't have any trouble either. I was 31 when #1 was born, and will be 34 for #2; dh is 5 years older (TMI time here: both were conceived on the first try). As for birth control causing reduced fertility- I'd do some research on the validity of that fear. Personally I've never heard of that, but then I've never researched it.
 
Hi, I'm new, I'd like to chime it.

I have a two year old, and I'm a third year EM resident. I also heard the "there is no good time, so just have one when you're ready" theme from many female physicians. I do think after living through it though that intern year has to be the worst time. Med school years 1-2 if you're ready would be great. You spend a lot of time out of class those years. If you want, there is a nice good spot between years 2 and 3 to take a year off with the little one. Another good time is years 2+ of residency depending on your specialty when you have more of a handle on what you are doing and work is less stressful, and there may be less call months.

EM is really good for kids because even as resident, I get a lot of days home with him during the week when I'm on afternoon or midnights. Take him to the mall on a Tuesday morning and feel almost like a stay at homer!
 
Hi,

I am going to be starting medical school July 28, 2008 at TCOM in Fort Worth, TX. I found out after my acceptance that I am going to have a baby due August 14, 2008 (right after school starts). Does anyone know TCOM's policy regarding pregnant students? Are they pretty supportive? This is a surprise (unplanned) pregnancy, so I am really stressing out about the whole situation. Did not plan on having babies until after medical school...not during. Apparently, someone else had other plans. Any advice or familiarity with TCOM would be greatly appreaciated.
Thanks.
 
I'm a second year student and have two children and am SERIOUSLY thinking about having a third sooner rather than later. I think first or second year is probably the easiest time to have a baby, especially if its your first baby. Being pregnant for the first time is considerably easier than it is if you've got a attention starved two year old that wants to be carried everywhere and climb all over mommy in the evening.
But then again, med school would definitely be easier to handle without kids. They really take up a lot of my study time....
As megboo has said, what is best varies from individual to individual. Last year I would've said "DON'T DO IT, ITS TOO MUCH WORK!!!" This year I'm thinking about getting pregnant, and by golly, I want to do it NOW, even if it does mean I'm going to be very pregnant throughout half of my M3 year.
 
I'm a second year student and have two children and am SERIOUSLY thinking about having a third sooner rather than later. I think first or second year is probably the easiest time to have a baby, especially if its your first baby. Being pregnant for the first time is considerably easier than it is if you've got a attention starved two year old that wants to be carried everywhere and climb all over mommy in the evening.
But then again, med school would definitely be easier to handle without kids. They really take up a lot of my study time....
As megboo has said, what is best varies from individual to individual. Last year I would've said "DON'T DO IT, ITS TOO MUCH WORK!!!" This year I'm thinking about getting pregnant, and by golly, I want to do it NOW, even if it does mean I'm going to be very pregnant throughout half of my M3 year.

:idea:Is it fun being pregnant? Or is there a maternal instinct thing that takes hold of you after your first baby?
I do not mean to be offensive. I just want to know because I am quite scared of becoming a mother, even tho I know I soon will.
 
:idea:Is it fun being pregnant? Or is there a maternal instinct thing that takes hold of you after your first baby?
I do not mean to be offensive. I just want to know because I am quite scared of becoming a mother, even tho I know I soon will.

I don't know.... I liked being pregnant, but mostly because of the attention I got while I was pregnant. Its sort of fun to be constantly oo'ed and aw'ed over. The second pregnancy wasn't nearly as fun because I had a two year old hanging all over me the whole time (and because nobody seemed to care the second time around). I was also studying for the MCAT, taking the MCAT and applying for med school while pregnant with my second one.

I don't think there really is a "maternal instinct" that takes hold of a person. At least I didn't experience it. I'm far from what I would consider "domestic" and I didn't really bond with my daughter until she was 3 months old. Some of that was because I was young and not really ready to be a mom. I had dreams (going to med school) that I thought I had to forfeit.

My son I was more excited about during the pregnancy, but I still think I didn't really bond with him until after he was born. I don't think being a mom is very difficult that first year - I guess there is a certain amount of "instinct," it gets more difficult as your children get older.

One thing that is difficult to handle is the constant feeling of guilt and inadequacy as a mother.... I thought it was just me that felt inadequate as a mother but I've discovered by talking to many people that almost everyone feels that way. We're torn by many different responsibilities and expectations and parenting is difficult so that its impossible to feel like your doing everything right. The weight of your children's life and personality and EVERYTHING is really in your hands and it is very difficult to handle that and balance everything else. That being said - I don't think (for me) being a stay at home mom is the answer. I'm not very domestic, staying at home is NOT what I want and I think me and the kids would drive eachother nuts if we were around eachother all the time.
 
Tribeca, I registered just to put my two cents in on this discussion. I am 23 years old I just graduated with my degree in Animal Science, I am considering both medical school (probably D.O.) or going into public health. In my last year of college I got pregnant unexpectedly, and I now have a wonderful 6 month old daughter. I pushed through and finished my B.S. because I knew that would put me in the position that I wouldn't feel like I quit and possibly not go back to school. And while it is definitely a personal decision of when, where, etc. to have a baby, I would like to say how happy I am that I had my daughter now. I am currently taking a break so that she is at least about 1.5 years old before I go back to school.

I have had the discussion with numerous people about being a young parent, my husband and I were the youngest in our birthing class, many of the people were in their 40s. There are a couple of great things and some hardships you endure being a young parent. Now that I have my daughter I almost can't imagine having the energy later on in life. I know that later on I will not get a year and a half to take off to be with her most likely. While it is hard for my husband to support the both of us right now I think that hardship is easier to deal with at a younger age, as you are a little more flexible still being in tune with being a poor college student (at least that is my case).

I am not trying to romanticize having a kid in your early 20s, it is hard knowing that I have to put off going to school, my husband and I don't get as much time along together now as we used to, and the finances can be stressful. But then again my mother had me when she was 30 and my sister at 32 and my father got cancer and then passed away, so my mom supported all of us, which meant that she didn't have that much time for us. Having kids later in life doesn't guarantee you will get more time. And from the parents I have spoken with, having more patience isn't necessarily true as you get older. A superficial but nice plus is that your body is a lot more resilient at a younger age.


Of course my landlord in my last year at undergrad was a nurse in the mother baby unit at the local hospital and we constantly talked about the range of women giving birth and Assisted Reproductive Therapy. I myself want to go into women's health, especially ART, because I think it is a fantastic field. Then again I do not think I myself would undergo ART in my late 40s if I could not have a kid naturally (I would choose to adopt in that case). But I guess that is something you should ask yourself, if you would be willing to go through those treatments in the unfortunate case that if you do wait until you are in your 40s would you be willing to go through fertility treatment, that is a very personal choice after all.

And for lilnoelle, I completely sympathize with you, I often feel like I am inadequate. But from speaking to my mom I know she felt the same way. In all honestly I don't think despite all the planning in the world, even if you are lined up to have a c-section and know exactly when the baby will be born, that you are ever really ready for a baby. Once you give birth no preparation in the world I think can honestly get you ready for the experiences you will have since every baby is unique and has their own individual little quirks and problems.
 
I can only speak from my own experience. I have three children and will be applying to med school next spring. I decided to go back to school when we just had the first two. I thought we were finished having kids and.....surprise! I took a year off after having my last baby, but going back with him being only a year old was by far my hardest year. Breastfeeding and no sleep is a killer.

Many will probably disagree with me, but I don't really think there is an ideal time to have a baby while going to school and starting a career. If I would have known that I would have had another baby I would not have gone back. I realize that you are in a different situation, so I will tell you anything that I think that can help.

Only plan to have a baby if you know you will have plenty of help with childcare. I know this sounds like a no brainer, but many people never think about how they are going to go to class when their baby is sick and you have a final. Is there someone who will treat them like you do?

Also, maybe try to get pregnant near the end of a spring semester, so if you suffer from morning sickness you can rest over the summer break. I was so sick with all of mine and I was pregnant in January with the last one. I had to leave class to throw up.:eek:

I was extremely lucky to have a great husband, and my sister who drove to my house everyday. She is like a second mom. I guess that is the biggest thing....making sure that the baby has someone you trust with it all the time. When you have that and the desire to go to school everything else just seems to fall into place.
 
I'm always so amazed when I see how much these questions weigh on med students/residents, etc., minds! I had a baby my 4th year of med school, and took the year after off to be home with him. In that year, I taught a course at my medical school on parenting during med school and residency (I guess having a baby and doing well in school made me an expert...or so my school seemed to think :laugh:.) Anyway, I am about to start my prelim year before going on to a radiology residency, and I am freaking out! It's a tough decision -- but one you will never regret. And as I'm sure everyone really knows, there just is no perfect time.
And it's kind of impossible to plan -- as far as fertility issues, I was 32 when I got pregnant and it took us longer than we thought (7 months) so you just can't really plan any perfect time.

Tough questions, very personal ones -- I could recommend a great blog about doctoring and being a mom, theunderweardrawer.blogspot.com, and I've just started chronicling my own experiences (especially experiences to come) at doc-mama.blogspot.com. I'm going to try to write more about what it was like during med school, as well as write as I go through my intern year.
 
I'm not married or engaged so this isn't going to be an issue for me in the future, but this is still on my mind. If you were pregnant during school, wouldn't the stress of school harm the baby? How resilient is a baby in the womb? Which months of the pregnancy require the mom to be less stressed out (beginning or end)?
 
I'm not married or engaged so this isn't going to be an issue for me in the future, but this is still on my mind. If you were pregnant during school, wouldn't the stress of school harm the baby? How resilient is a baby in the womb? Which months of the pregnancy require the mom to be less stressed out (beginning or end)?

My personal opinion is that stress is subjective. I enjoyed being at the hospital, and didn't feel great stress -- I also tried to be a little organized and made sure to schedule tougher rotations (sub-I, surgery) during the 2nd trimester, so I wouldn't be sick and I wouldn't be huge.

That said, I think there is some research out there that shows that residents tend to deliver earlier than women not in their residency -- don't know how good the studies are.

There is no good link to mental stress and poor pregnancy outcomes -- although people will tell you all the time to avoid stress, "it's bad for your baby." There is good evidence that eating poorly, not sleeping enough, and heavy lifting (all things that could be part of med school/residency) do have negative effects. It is important to be smart while you're pregnant and busy. But I'm convinced that women in many professions face these issues, and that women since the beginning of time have had to exist in their individual circumstances, whatever they may be, while carrying children.

There are ways to take care of yourself. You have to make it a priority. And you have to let your school/program know it's a priority while also making sure you're doing the best job that you can.
 
Oh my! what a great thread! Im starting med school in August I am over 35 yrs and feel like I better work on getting pregnant now or accept the fact that I might not ever be able to. My husband is wonderful and has agreed to be the primary care taker. Im just so nervous about getting pregnant now and starting med school it all seems too much. Im also moving far far away for med school. Away from my family.....anyway its great reading all your posts and I think Im going to have think about this now not later while i have the time.
 
I have to say, I highly recommend having the baby in med school. It will be by far the easiest time in the next 10 years of your life, I hate to say it. Residency will be hard, no matter what field you go into, and medical school, by nature of still being "school", has some built-in time and flexibility.

Especially if you are lucky to have a husband to be the caretaker! That was my situation too...

Right now I blog about my son and how I'm going to handle residency with a 14-month old -- I hope by doing it I can find a community of med-school/resident moms; right now the blog is just starting and won't really get going until July when I start, but it's at doc-mama.blogspot.com.

Anyway, good luck, and have fun! Some things will be harder, but everything is better with that little one in your life, I promise!
 
I have to say, I highly recommend having the baby in med school. It will be by far the easiest time in the next 10 years of your life, I hate to say it. Residency will be hard, no matter what field you go into, and medical school, by nature of still being "school", has some built-in time and flexibility.

Especially if you are lucky to have a husband to be the caretaker! That was my situation too...

Right now I blog about my son and how I'm going to handle residency with a 14-month old -- I hope by doing it I can find a community of med-school/resident moms; right now the blog is just starting and won't really get going until July when I start, but it's at doc-mama.blogspot.com.

Anyway, good luck, and have fun! Some things will be harder, but everything is better with that little one in your life, I promise!

I know this sounds crazy but Im not sure even how to plan it so that I can take some time off. Or would I need to take time off? Ofcourse as we all know sometimes even the healthiest of us cant plan it it happens when it does.
 
I know this sounds crazy but Im not sure even how to plan it so that I can take some time off. Or would I need to take time off? Ofcourse as we all know sometimes even the healthiest of us cant plan it it happens when it does.

I'm not in med school yet (starting this summer), but I've done some research since I will probably be starting to have kids in med school myself.

There are some easy times to take off and some hard.
1) Most schools have a break between 1st and 2nd year. This is 10 weeks where you can do anything. Sure you can do research, you can travel, but you could also have a baby and not miss a day of school!
2) There's a natural break between 2nd and 3rd year. Many schools will allow you to take a year off between taking your board exam and starting the clinicals. You'll have to check with financial aid about loan deferment and such, but it shouldn't cost you any extra.
3) Third year is probably the worst time to have a child since you are busiest, but fourth year is significantly more chill. You can choose to have a lighter elective or take a few weeks off.
4) If you plan it right you can take a year between med school and residency. This means going through match one year later, but provides you another chance to have totally dedicated child time.

And of course, babies happen whenever they happen. Some schools are more flexible than others, but in every case people have managed to make it work!
 
All of the above is true -- especially the part where you will make it work whenever it happens! I got pregnant in my 3rd year and had the baby in the middle of 4th year. It was ideal; I made sure to get all of my harder rotations out of the way before I had the baby, and then when he came, I didn't have much to do the rest of 4th year! Of course, my pregnancy was uncomplicated, so it worked out.

It is not necessary to take time off to have the baby, but it's nice if you can. I think the break between 2nd and 3rd year is probably a good time, as well as taking the year off between 4th year and residency.

That said, I have close friends who had twins in 2nd year, and a 3rd baby at the tail end of 4th -- and they were both med students. I have friends who have successfully had kids every year of med school; it's doable.
 
I have friends who have successfully had kids every year of med school; it's doable.

The first time I read this I thought you meant you had friends who had a child every year, as in they started med school with no kids and left with four.:eek::eek:
 
The first time I read this I thought you meant you had friends who had a child every year, as in they started med school with no kids and left with four.:eek::eek:

Now that would be INSANE...but no, I just meant (poorly worded) that I know people worked it out for each year/stage... (However, the friends with the twins came close...3 kids by the time they left!!)
 
I have to say after trying to get into med school this has been an obsession of mine. This information has been very helpful. Seeing that Im also on a time crunch regarding my eggs, and how the risk rises with age I think Im going to start trying so hopefully I can have my baby next summer. Or sometime in the next two years. Ill just have to manage with my husband who as I mentioned is incredibly supportive and willing to take on the majority of the childrearing. Of course there is always stressing about trying to spend time with your child while in OB/Gyne residency which is what I would like to pursue but Ill worry about that later. As now I think ill obsess about getting pregnant, doing well my first two years, getting great board scores so I can do Ob/Gyne.:eek:...then........ I can worry about quality time with the child ( whose still not real):oops:

No jokes aside...you guys are awesome.......thank you thank you
 
So I am starting MS1 this August (2008). I am 26 and have two children (a 3 yr old and 2 yr old). I think it is a personal decision for sure, but I just wanted to say why we chose to have our children before med school. I felt that I had the time I wanted to spend with them to help them be independent and well-adjusted. That time I took before starting school to have my children was the absolute best choice I ever made. Now they are both potty trained (yeah!) and ready to start preschool. By the time I am a resident they will be well into primary education. Honestly, its certainly a decision you both have to feel comfortable with. I took those years so that I could feel good about letting them be independent (sort of!). My husband is very supportive and we also have a large family network to help out. Regardless of when you choose to have your children, think about the time you will be able to spend and witness those amazing first milestones! good luck!
 
So I am starting MS1 this August (2008). I am 26 and have two children (a 3 yr old and 2 yr old). I think it is a personal decision for sure, but I just wanted to say why we chose to have our children before med school. I felt that I had the time I wanted to spend with them to help them be independent and well-adjusted. That time I took before starting school to have my children was the absolute best choice I ever made. Now they are both potty trained (yeah!) and ready to start preschool. By the time I am a resident they will be well into primary education. Honestly, its certainly a decision you both have to feel comfortable with. I took those years so that I could feel good about letting them be independent (sort of!). My husband is very supportive and we also have a large family network to help out. Regardless of when you choose to have your children, think about the time you will be able to spend and witness those amazing first milestones! good luck!

I also had my two kids before med school, spent tons of time with them. Now I'm a PGY2, and they are going to both be in middle school. The oldest is 13. They are both old enough to get home from school by themselves and wait for me to get home. Last year they took turns sleeping in my call room on weekends, which they thought was a hoot! As a result, they believe themselves to be experts on critiquing the medical inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy.
 
I also had my two kids before med school, spent tons of time with them. Now I'm a PGY2, and they are going to both be in middle school. The oldest is 13. They are both old enough to get home from school by themselves and wait for me to get home. Last year they took turns sleeping in my call room on weekends, which they thought was a hoot! As a result, they believe themselves to be experts on critiquing the medical inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy.

Wow, that's cool. I never heard of that being done before.
 
I think that's awesome (sleeping over in the call room on the weekends!)

You know, we all do it the best way we can -- it's about finding a way for yourself and for your family.

I think if you were fortunate enough to be at the stage of your life where you were ready for kids before med school, it's great to have them self-sufficient by the time you go.

If that's not the case, I think it's completely possible to have happy, healthy children and do well in med school or residency.

The only thing I wouldn't recommend is putting off med school for too long just to have kids; I think a year or two is fine, if that's your plan, but it's also okay to work them into during those 4 years.

Hey, I don't have the answers. I'm just freaking out right now, about to start residency July 1st and starting to miss my 16-month-old already!

doc-mama.blogspot.com
 
Another question to consider is this - will having kids possibly sap you of the drive/desire to pursue getting into med school? Some people can't bear to tear themselves away from their little ones in order to start this kind of massive project.

If so, probably best to wait, unless you want to miss the boat and kick yourself 10 years later.

As for the fertility scare stuff - remember that the majority of women in their mid-thirties have no problems getting pregnant. And for those who do, yes, it can be emotionally draining, but there are also assisted reproduction options. (In the forties it becomes much more difficult, though.) I'm doing my obs-gyn rotation now and there are so many 30something primips, far more than 20something ones, and they all conceived naturally.

Don't worry about the pill, btw. No effect on fertility even after long-term use. Worry about silent chlamydia infections. Wear condoms. You know the drill...
 
Agree w/above comment...being on the Pill now shouldn't affect your fertility later. that is a myth.

Best time to have a baby in medical school is probably 4th year. Definitely NOT 3rd year...it will mess you up. 2nd year tends to be academically hard at many schools also.

Last year of medicine/peds/fp residency probably would work OK too. Not familiar with other residencies but I think that final year of a lot of nonsurgical residencies would be pretty OK too. However, it really really varies a lot among different specialties and hospitals what they will tolerate. Ditto for med schools, although I think almost all will make some plan with you to try to keep you in school.
 
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