A guy in med school rejected me

[ogpfmpromos]

Hi, I'm a senior in undergrad, just took the MCAT, and looking to get into med school after taking a gap year. I was talking to a guy who is about to start his first year at a tier 1 med school, and after some convo, he said he wasn't really looking for anything since he's about to start medical school. It's worrying me as a girl going into medicine because what if I never find anyone because no one has time for me. And its my first ever tragic experience with the plight of med students, if their lives are really that busy then maybe medicine isn't the career for me

UPDATE AFTER SEEING ALL THE RESPONSES: The support on SDN is so overwhelming, as are all the reality checks. I might've been too dramatic (I'm a theater minor) but this experience made me think that my dreams of having a family before I'm 30 would be crushed if I went to med school with people who had no interest in anything long term or we're already in relationships. For background, my mom was pregnant with me when she was taking her USMLE Step 3 and my parents happened to get matched together into the same hospital (Downstate Medical Center) so I guess I've idealized it, but it seems like the reality is changing and I think that's a bit hard for me to grasp. Plus, I've always wanted to marry a fellow doc because who else would understand what I'm going through better than someone who is going through the same thing with me.

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[mehc012]

Hi, I'm a senior in undergrad, just took the MCAT, and looking to get into med school after taking a gap year. I was talking to a guy who is about to start his first year at a tier 1 med school, and after some convo, he said he wasn't really looking for anything since he's about to start medical school. It's worrying me as a girl going into medicine because what if I never find anyone because no one has time for me. And its my first ever tragic experience with the plight of med students, if their lives are really that busy then maybe medicine isn't the career for me

- Plenty of med students date, guys and girls alike.
- It's not as busy as everyone complains about it being; med students love complaining (myself included).
- Some people don't like starting relationships when they are on the brink of a major life change; this is probably a reasonable decision, but doesn't mean that people can't date once they've made the transition and are settled in.
- Perhaps he just wasn't feeling it with you and this was a way to break it politely
- Even if med students have little time...you know you can date non-med students when you're in medical school, right? Your future dating pool is not limited to classmates.
- If getting turned down by a guy you don't know that well is a 'tragic experience', you may well be right that medicine is not for you.

Honestly, I would take the time during your gap year to work on not letting little setbacks derail your entire sense of future and hope of success (1 rejection → no one will ever have time for me and I will end up tragic and alone). That's the kind of immaturity that leads to issues when expectations are raised and the pressure goes up.

 

[Promethean]

One guy levels with you that he is going to be too occupied to start something. That doesn't mean that you can't have a relationship with anyone, ever, if you go into medicine.

This guy is about to start at a particular medical school. You might, maybe, be going to some medical school... probably not that same one. Not only is he going to be busy, but you might end up on other sides of the country for all he knows. It isn't unreasonable to say, gosh, maybe this isn't a good idea. Long term relationships can work, but usually only when they already have a firm foundation. If your first few dates are being planned around who has time to drive 500 miles round trip that weekend... yeah, that isn't likely to go well.

People not only date in medical school... I know of several folks who met and married there. The lifestyle is way busier than anything you've likely done before, and if you are looking at that and thinking that you aren't going to cope well, then yeah, maybe go do something else. Med schools won't shut down in the interim. You can always circle back around if you decide that you really must go into medicine. What you really don't want to do is to jump in before you are ready. If you need time to clarify your goals and wishes for your life, then take it.

Life is a journey, not a race.

 

[Her?]

Don't change your career goals because some wang dumped you

 

[Crayola227]

yeah what everyone else said so far

also, yeah, maybe this pursuit leaves you childless, alone, and broken spiritually mentally and physically... sorta the risk all callings like military, the priesthood or primary school education have

I suggest you make peace with that idea, roll it around in your mouth a little and see if you can still chew what you're biting off around that bitter taste

 

[DrfluffyMD]

Plenty of surgeons date other surgeons. If people are into you they make time for you.

 

[WingedOx]

Go see a counselor

 

[TypeADissection]

In the words of a famous philosophizer Aaron Rodgers: "Relax." You're going to be fine. Life lesson to learn - don't worry about things outside of your control. I married another surgeon and she's super nice, wicked smart, and totally hot. You'll be fine. Cheers.

 

[Mad Jack]

Hi, I'm a senior in undergrad, just took the MCAT, and looking to get into med school after taking a gap year. I was talking to a guy who is about to start his first year at a tier 1 med school, and after some convo, he said he wasn't really looking for anything since he's about to start medical school. It's worrying me as a girl going into medicine because what if I never find anyone because no one has time for me. And its my first ever tragic experience with the plight of med students, if their lives are really that busy then maybe medicine isn't the career for me

Why would anyone want to start anything with any real sort of commitment right before moving likely pretty damn far away? Also, a lot of people like to play the field a bit when they're young, it's perfectly normal for a guy to not be ready to settle down at likely 23 or whatever and just take things casual, particularly in a time of uncertainty.

Now, as to people having time for you- a LOT of people end up hooking up and marrying in medical school. The most successful physician relationships are actually physician-physician pairings, and they are quite common in today's medical school environment. Between there and residency, you'll likely bump into someone you're compatible with. But don't stress it, nobody finds desperation attractive. Just let things flow naturally and you'll find that right guy.

 

[raiderette]

There are plenty of people to date, in gap years and medical school. Ask yourself this, if you got in a relationship tomorrow, would you want it to affect where you go to school, where you live, or the specialty you choose? Do you want to try to juggle med school with a long distance relationship? Getting serious with someone now means someone will have to make sacrifices. In time, those sacrifices may be worth it. For now, relax and date.

 

[Tsunnami]

- It's not as busy as everyone complains about it being; med students love complaining (myself included).

I don't want to burst the bubble of encouragement and motivation, but I have to argue with that.
No, it's not that all med students love to complain, it's that there are truly enough reasons to complain - and I don't even complain.

See, it's one thing to verbally complain about things ( which I consider to be a waste of time and I never do it ) and it's another thing to be aware that yes, there are many things that one could complain about and while this can be different in other fields, in the Medical field the complaints are justified, even though they are useless.
My point is that ( except some people who like to complain about petty things ) when someone says that he doesn't have time, it means he doesn't have time !
When someone says he got to stay inside to study instead of going out with a gorgeous girl, it means he got to stay inside to study !
When someone says he doesn't have time to have a balanced life, it means he doesn't have that time !
Why ? Because no one would lie about those things. There's no fun in being over-worked, tired and busy all the time, so it wouldn't really be a great lie - it's just reality.

Now this doesn't mean that no one is going to have time for you, because there are going to be plenty of people who do - you just don't have to be amazed or devastated when you meet people who don't have time.

I got to also mention that this whole thing is very relative : I might be the type of person who has so many career-oriented and self-development-oriented priorities that I don't have time for anything else and that I'm slightly a workaholic. But then again, in this field there are a lot of people like me, so no one should enter thinking that this is Business school.

 

[NontradCA]

Does he have a brother or best friend?

 

[DrDarce]

Maybe he just didn't like you that much

 

[Goro]

Hi, I'm a senior in undergrad, just took the MCAT, and looking to get into med school after taking a gap year. I was talking to a guy who is about to start his first year at a tier 1 med school, and after some convo, he said he wasn't really looking for anything since he's about to start medical school. It's worrying me as a girl going into medicine because what if I never find anyone because no one has time for me. And its my first ever tragic experience with the plight of med students, if their lives are really that busy then maybe medicine isn't the career for me

At least two pairs of my students get married each year to classmates post-graduation.

There's plenty of time for dating.

Let's be honest, the guy wans't into you.

There's a Jack for every Jill in this world. He was't yours though.

 

[Goro]

I don't want to burst the bubble of encouragement and motivation, but I have to argue with that.
No, it's not that all med students love to complain, it's that there are truly enough reasons to complain - and I don't even complain.

See, it's one thing to verbally complain about things ( which I consider to be a waste of time and I never do it ) and it's another thing to be aware that yes, there are many things that one could complain about and while this can be different in other fields, in the Medical field the complaints are justified, even though they are useless.
My point is that ( except some people who like to complain about petty things ) when someone says that he doesn't have time, it means he doesn't have time !
When someone says he got to stay inside to study instead of going out with a gorgeous girl, it means he got to stay inside to study !
When someone says he doesn't have time to have a balanced life, it means he doesn't have that time !
Why ? Because no one would lie about those things. There's no fun in being over-worked, tired and busy all the time, so it wouldn't really be a great lie - it's just reality.

Now this doesn't mean that no one is going to have time for you, because there are going to be plenty of people who do - you just don't have to be amazed or devastated when you meet people who don't have time.

I got to also mention that this whole thing is very relative : I might be the type of person who has so many career-oriented and self-development-oriented priorities that I don't have time for anything else and that I'm slightly a workaholic. But then again, in this field there are a lot of people like me, so no one should enter thinking that this is Business school.

If you're a med student, it's your job to complain!

 

[mehc012]

I don't want to burst the bubble of encouragement and motivation, but I have to argue with that.
No, it's not that all med students love to complain, it's that there are truly enough reasons to complain - and I don't even complain.

See, it's one thing to verbally complain about things ( which I consider to be a waste of time and I never do it ) and it's another thing to be aware that yes, there are many things that one could complain about and while this can be different in other fields, in the Medical field the complaints are justified, even though they are useless.
My point is that ( except some people who like to complain about petty things ) when someone says that he doesn't have time, it means he doesn't have time !
When someone says he got to stay inside to study instead of going out with a gorgeous girl, it means he got to stay inside to study !
When someone says he doesn't have time to have a balanced life, it means he doesn't have that time !
Why ? Because no one would lie about those things. There's no fun in being over-worked, tired and busy all the time, so it wouldn't really be a great lie - it's just reality.

Now this doesn't mean that no one is going to have time for you, because there are going to be plenty of people who do - you just don't have to be amazed or devastated when you meet people who don't have time.

I got to also mention that this whole thing is very relative : I might be the type of person who has so many career-oriented and self-development-oriented priorities that I don't have time for anything else and that I'm slightly a workaholic. But then again, in this field there are a lot of people like me, so no one should enter thinking that this is Business school.

Eh, you're right to a point, but plenty of people like to play up how busy they are or how difficult their classes are. It's pretty common.

 

[coldcase331]

Lots of inbreeding within the class, I'm sure you'll be fine


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[bluetee31]

Hi, I'm a senior in undergrad, just took the MCAT, and looking to get into med school after taking a gap year. I was talking to a guy who is about to start his first year at a tier 1 med school, and after some convo, he said he wasn't really looking for anything since he's about to start medical school. It's worrying me as a girl going into medicine because what if I never find anyone because no one has time for me. And its my first ever tragic experience with the plight of med students, if their lives are really that busy then maybe medicine isn't the career for me

I just finished my M1 year, having broken up with my girlfriend about halfway through the year. She was still in undergraduate at the time I started medical school, and even though we lived in the same state, it was difficult to coordinate plans and find time to see each other, what with me trying to adapt to med school and her trying to graduate and find employment. With that said, I think it would have been even more difficult to maintain a relationship if we had to begin as a long distance couple.

 

[Señor S]

Not even a med student yet and he doesn't have time for you? Pathetic excuse for a "man" imo. As a resident let me just say that there's always room for a good woman in my life. Call me.

 

[Wordead]

Not even a med student yet and he doesn't have time for you? Pathetic excuse for a "man" imo. As a resident let me just say that there's always room for a good woman in my life. Call me.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

It worries me that a single rejection from a guy is putting you off medicine altogether. That's not the level of commitment required to survive med school and residency.

 

[Gilakend]

Not even a med student yet and he doesn't have time for you? Pathetic excuse for a "man" imo. As a resident let me just say that there's always room for a good woman in my life. Call me.

I literally almost spit out what I was drinking when I read "Call me".

Quality content over here

 

[Domperidone]

lol, agree with the inbreeding comment.

"medcest", it's in urban dictionary and has whole threads on SDN.
medcest

Just cause one guy wants to be celibate during all 4 years, doesn't mean the rest do. Also, he's about to start medical school, arguably that doesn't really count as a first experience into the plight of med students if he hasn't even been there yet.

After rotations starts, there's even more inbreeding among other healthcare professional/workers and students. med student (or resident) + the physiotherapist, or the pharmacist etc. In some ways..it felt like high school again. More than a few couples got married after meeting in med school a couple of years into residency. Plenty of couples also meet their SOs during residency. Believe it or not, it's a very social degree and social environment. You're not exactly hiding behind a desk by yourself all day.

So, as with all the above comments. wouldn't worry about dating or meeting people.

if it's work-life balance you're worried about, that could warrant some consideration.

 

[Vain Brother]

1/10

 

[Mad Jack]

I don't want to burst the bubble of encouragement and motivation, but I have to argue with that.
No, it's not that all med students love to complain, it's that there are truly enough reasons to complain - and I don't even complain.

See, it's one thing to verbally complain about things ( which I consider to be a waste of time and I never do it ) and it's another thing to be aware that yes, there are many things that one could complain about and while this can be different in other fields, in the Medical field the complaints are justified, even though they are useless.
My point is that ( except some people who like to complain about petty things ) when someone says that he doesn't have time, it means he doesn't have time !
When someone says he got to stay inside to study instead of going out with a gorgeous girl, it means he got to stay inside to study !
When someone says he doesn't have time to have a balanced life, it means he doesn't have that time !
Why ? Because no one would lie about those things. There's no fun in being over-worked, tired and busy all the time, so it wouldn't really be a great lie - it's just reality.

Now this doesn't mean that no one is going to have time for you, because there are going to be plenty of people who do - you just don't have to be amazed or devastated when you meet people who don't have time.

I got to also mention that this whole thing is very relative : I might be the type of person who has so many career-oriented and self-development-oriented priorities that I don't have time for anything else and that I'm slightly a workaholic. But then again, in this field there are a lot of people like me, so no one should enter thinking that this is Business school.

It should also be noted that many in medical school make their own hell. It doesn't have to be nearly as bad as many end up making it for themselves because they make their life 100% all medicine all the time.

 

[Tsunnami]

It should also be noted that many in medical school make their own hell. It doesn't have to be nearly as bad as many end up making it for themselves because they make their life 100% all medicine all the time.

But no one said it is bad ! Instead of judging gunners or balanced types for which one is the best, we should respect that there is really no pattern that everyone should follow, because what might seem bad to one person, can actually be a normal lifestyle for another person.

I get the fact that busy people can get annoying, especially when they try to show-off and to boast about their neurotic conquest to over-achieve.

At the same time, people who make fun of workaholics are equally messed-up.
I'm not even a real workaholic by the way, so I'm not playing the devil's lawyer here, but if someone chooses to spend 8-10 hours every day to study, barely has any time to eat or sleep, doesn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend or any hobbies, he's still free to live like that.

I have a gunner classmate like that, who is a she by the way, and she could be the prototype for workaholism. She obviously experienced periods in which she was completely burned-out and drained. She's gradually realizing what improvements she can make in her life so that she can become more balanced and fulfilled, but I can tell you that I was one of the few friends she decided to keep, because I never tried to change her or to advice her to go see a counselor. Instead, I stood by her side and offered to help her whenever she needs to talk to someone or when she needs advice.

I believe that every person has to walk the path he/she chooses to walk on, even if many disagree with it and warn him/her that it will cause negative consequences. Yes, bad things are going to happen, this is life. Still, there are simply things one has to learn the hard way, otherwise he/she won't learn them at all.

Even the importance of a balanced lifestyle can sometimes be learned by not having a balanced lifestyle. If one truly wants a balanced lifestyle in the end, he/she can change and then compare the two and see which one is worth it. The worth of a life is never objective, but always subjective.
There are also enough examples through history who lived differently until the end ( think Steve Jobs gave 2 cents about having a 'balanced lifestyle' ? ) , so you can never tell.

 

[Mad Jack]

But no one said it is bad ! Instead of judging gunners or balanced types for which one is the best, we should respect that there is really no pattern that everyone should follow, because what might seem bad to one person, can actually be a normal lifestyle for another person.

I get the fact that busy people can get annoying, especially when they try to show-off and to boast about their neurotic conquest to over-achieve.

At the same time, people who make fun of workaholics are equally messed-up.
I'm not even a real workaholic by the way, so I'm not playing the devil's lawyer here, but if someone chooses to spend 8-10 hours every day to study, barely has any time to eat or sleep, doesn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend or any hobbies, he's still free to live like that.

I have a gunner classmate like that, who is a she by the way, and she could be the prototype for workaholism. She obviously experienced periods in which she was completely burned-out and drained. She's gradually realizing what improvements she can make in her life so that she can become more balanced and fulfilled, but I can tell you that I was one of the few friends she decided to keep, because I never tried to change her or to advice her to go see a counselor. Instead, I stood by her side and offered to help her whenever she needs to talk to someone or when she needs advice.

I believe that every person has to walk the path he/she chooses to walk on, even if many disagree with it and warn him/her that it will cause negative consequences. Yes, bad things are going to happen, this is life. Still, there are simply things one has to learn the hard way, otherwise he/she won't learn them at all.

Even the importance of a balanced lifestyle can sometimes be learned by not having a balanced lifestyle. If one truly wants a balanced lifestyle in the end, he/she can change and then compare the two and see which one is worth it. The worth of a life is never objective, but always subjective.
There are also enough examples through history who lived differently until the end ( think Steve Jobs gave 2 cents about having a 'balanced lifestyle' ? ) , so you can never tell.

People can do whatever the hell they want with their lives, but if they are unhappy doing so they should make some changes. Many aren't even aware that there is another way, they just figure that's the only way to be a medical student, hence why the advice of "hey maybe you're going about this the wrong way" is valid. Some can also learn from the mistakes of others without making those mistakes themselves- you don't have to live the experience of misery to know to avoid something unless you're particularly stubborn or stupid, aside from when one is in love, in which case everyone is both stubborn and stupid.

 

[DaSlimShady]

Think of it as a blessing in disguise- at least he's being up front and honest about not having enough time, instead of dragging you along for the ride, which will only make things worse.

I know it may not seem like it now, but there's definitely someone far better for you out there! Hang in there

 

[Redpancreas]

Hi, I'm a senior in undergrad, just took the MCAT, and looking to get into med school after taking a gap year. I was talking to a guy who is about to start his first year at a tier 1 med school, and after some convo, he said he wasn't really looking for anything since he's about to start medical school. It's worrying me as a girl going into medicine because what if I never find anyone because no one has time for me. And its my first ever tragic experience with the plight of med students, if their lives are really that busy then maybe medicine isn't the career for me

UPDATE AFTER SEEING ALL THE RESPONSES: The support on SDN is so overwhelming, as are all the reality checks. I might've been too dramatic (I'm a theater minor) but this experience made me think that my dreams of having a family before I'm 30 would be crushed if I went to med school with people who had no interest in anything long term or we're already in relationships. For background, my mom was pregnant with me when she was taking her USMLE Step 3 and my parents happened to get matched together into the same hospital (Downstate Medical Center) so I guess I've idealized it, but it seems like the reality is changing and I think that's a bit hard for me to grasp. Plus, I've always wanted to marry a fellow doc because who else would understand what I'm going through better than someone who is going through the same thing with me.

A tier-1 medical school guy? Sorry if I'm being rude, but what makes you think you're qualified to date a guy from a tier-1 medical school if you're not even in medical school yet?

 

[raiderette]

Reading your addendum, you are fine. I could have a spouse in med school-no problem. I am not getting serious until I am in residency because if any guy wants to see the worst, it will be then.
A bit of advice- don't limit yourself to doctors if you want s family. A sweet history teacher will be smart and available to pick up the baby after preschool. The cops and firefighters understand your schedule. And they tend to be a lot of fun outside of school.


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[OrthoTraumaMD]

Reading your addendum, you are fine. I could have a spouse in med school-no problem. I am not getting serious until I am in residency because if any guy wants to see the worst, it will be then.
A bit of advice- don't limit yourself to doctors if you want s family. A sweet history teacher will be smart and available to pick up the baby after preschool. The cops and firefighters understand your schedule. And they tend to be a lot of fun outside of school.


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I could not "like" this comment more.

 

[pyrrion89]

Met my SO in our doctoring class MS1. We're couples matching now. There's not a lot of leisure time, but there's enough for love if you're willing to prioritize it. In our class we have like 7 couples with the same exact story, met MS1, now couples matching.

 

[Tenk]

Don't limit yourself to marrying another doctor. That's a recipe for disaster. Marry someone you want to marry because you want to marry them not because of some arbitrary measure. That's key for any successful marriage. It's really that simple.

 

[To be MD]

If you are a thin girl there will always be guys after you, no matter atrocious your face is. Life is easy. For guys, simply being above average is useless. Unless you look like brad pitt there's a good chance you will be single forever.

easy there, señor jaded

 

[Tsunnami]

If you are a thin girl there will always be guys after you, no matter atrocious your face is. Life is easy. For guys, simply being above average is useless. Unless you look like brad pitt there's a good chance you will be single forever.

That's one line of crap there

Being a Brad Pitt is a cliche used by those who know nothing about being confident, having a good sense of humor, being polite, being reliable, being a good listener, having an exciting life, having hobbies, having a good attitude.
It's easier to blame it on the external part, because people know it's more difficult to change the internal part, so pretending that the appearance is all that matters, one doesn't have to think about how messed up he is on the inside ( no judging here, I also learned this lesson the hard way ).

I've met many guys who were average looking or below average looking : some of them had good relationships, others didn't have. The difference was in their attitude.
A good attitude can increase your "attractiveness scale" with several points; a bad attitude can decrease the scale with several points.

 

[DrDarce]

All of this is true but it still doesn't explain how much easier women have it. They can have all the negative qualities you listed, but as long as they're not obese they will get some guy because he is horny and he'll take what he can get. If you don't believe me, look at online dating. I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just trying to reassure the thread creator that she will be okay.

You are more or less right about the woman part but completely wrong on the guy part as Tsunnami pointed out.

 

[raiderette]

All of this is true but it still doesn't explain how much easier women have it. They can have all the negative qualities you listed, but as long as they're not obese they will get some guy because he is horny and he'll take what he can get. If you don't believe me, look at online dating. I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just trying to reassure the thread creator that she will be okay.

That sounds like a hook-up, not a relationship. Sorry, but not all ugly, skinny women are assured a marriage. And not all obese women are ignored.
If you are crying that average looking guys don't stand a chance, then stand out in some other way. Be smart, funny, gracious. Not everyone I date is gorgeous, but they are all people that are worthy of my time since I have so little time to spare.

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[Winged Scapula]

Even Brad Pitt doesn't look like Brad Pitt anymore.

The idea that men are only sexually successful if they look like him is ridiculous. In general, womens standards for the physical attractiveness of their partner is much lower than that of men.

If you don't believe me, Google "Henry Kissinger power aphrodisiac". You don't even need to go that far: look at supermodels with an unattractive older men or ugly rock stars. Hell you probably have some 50-ish-year-old attending with a much more attractive younger wife.

I think what you mean is that if you want a woman that looks like Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie then you need to look like Brad Pitt( which is not true as long as you have some money and or are otherwise powerful ).

The fact of the matter is there a lot of unattractive men out there and I see a lot of them with partners, even the ugly poor ones.

 

[mehc012]

All of this is true but it still doesn't explain how much easier women have it. They can have all the negative qualities you listed, but as long as they're not obese they will get some guy because he is horny and he'll take what he can get. If you don't believe me, look at online dating. I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just trying to reassure the thread creator that she will be okay.

And that's supposed to be a GOOD thing? It's freaking terrifying. I hate the whole setup of dating because I have to spend my time constantly second-guessing "does this person actually like and respect me, or do they just think they can get laid? And do they even find me attractive, or do I just meet the minimum requirement of 'has vagina'? Are they lying their ass off just to get some?" That's not comforting.

You're conflating "can get sex when they want" with "can find a relationship when they want". The two are not equivalent, and lemme tell you...if something's THAT easy, it's usually not as good as you think it is...

 

[mehc012]

That sounds like a hook-up, not a relationship. Sorry, but not all ugly, skinny women are assured a marriage. And not all obese women are ignored.
If you are crying that average looking guys don't stand a chance, then stand out in some other way. Be smart, funny, gracious. Not everyone I date is gorgeous, but they are all people that are worthy of my time since I have so little time to spare.

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Basically this.

 

[Hakuna Matata]

Hi, I'm a senior in undergrad, just took the MCAT, and looking to get into med school after taking a gap year. I was talking to a guy who is about to start his first year at a tier 1 med school, and after some convo, he said he wasn't really looking for anything since he's about to start medical school. It's worrying me as a girl going into medicine because what if I never find anyone because no one has time for me. And its my first ever tragic experience with the plight of med students, if their lives are really that busy then maybe medicine isn't the career for me

UPDATE AFTER SEEING ALL THE RESPONSES: The support on SDN is so overwhelming, as are all the reality checks. I might've been too dramatic (I'm a theater minor) but this experience made me think that my dreams of having a family before I'm 30 would be crushed if I went to med school with people who had no interest in anything long term or we're already in relationships. For background, my mom was pregnant with me when she was taking her USMLE Step 3 and my parents happened to get matched together into the same hospital (Downstate Medical Center) so I guess I've idealized it, but it seems like the reality is changing and I think that's a bit hard for me to grasp. Plus, I've always wanted to marry a fellow doc because who else would understand what I'm going through better than someone who is going through the same thing with me.

Regarding your update-- why can't you have a family?? I had a baby during my second year of med school and another during my first year of residency. Your life doesn't get put on hold just because you're in school.

And why do you have to marry another doctor? Personally I would hate marrying someone else in medicine unless you were both already Attendings. Your schedule is way too crazy- especially during residency. I married a teacher and it's great because the few times during the week I get off from residency, he's home and we're able to spend time together. Rather than me being off and him being on call, etc.
(Disclaimer- I know lots of physicians are married to other physicians successfully, I'm just giving my perspective.)

TLDR; more and more women are getting married and having babies while in medical school and residency. You don't have to marry a doctor.

Reading your addendum, you are fine. I could have a spouse in med school-no problem. I am not getting serious until I am in residency because if any guy wants to see the worst, it will be then.
A bit of advice- don't limit yourself to doctors if you want s family. A sweet history teacher will be smart and available to pick up the baby after preschool. The cops and firefighters understand your schedule. And they tend to be a lot of fun outside of school.


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THIS. I have never picked my kiddo up or dropped him off at preschool. Ever. Because my schedule is nuts. My husband is able to do that much more easily because he's not in medicine and doesn't have a horrendous residency schedule like I do. @raiderette is spot on.

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[Tsunnami]

All of this is true but it still doesn't explain how much easier women have it. They can have all the negative qualities you listed, but as long as they're not obese they will get some guy because he is horny and he'll take what he can get. If you don't believe me, look at online dating. I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just trying to reassure the thread creator that she will be okay.

Relax.
If you're constantly frustrated about "who has it easier" in life, you put yourself up for eternal misery.

In this life, men and women equally have advantages and disadvantages.
Some have better chances in business, others have better chances getting married.
Some can get away with drinking more, some can get away with shopping more.
Some can wake up 5 minutes before work starts and still be there in time, some have to wake up 2 hours before work starts to put on all the make-up.
Some can just brag about not being married at 36, some have a midlife crisis if they're not married at 36.
Some can walk in normal shoes for a whole life, some have to wear high heels.


If you would observe things deeper, you would realize that no one has it easier in this life.
That is because each coin has two sides.
For everything you have easier in this life, I guarantee you that there is also a downside to it.

Look at the celebrities or at wealthy families' kids, those people have many things "easier" on the surface, but if you see past the bullsh#t of the media and even the facade some of them puts up for the public, you realize that their problems are just as existent as everyone else's, only that their problems are different.
Look at those millionaire wives, whose lives is all about being born, growing up, maintaining a good physique and a pretty face, no big effort due to genetics, so that when they turn 20, they can easily marry a wealthy guy and their lives are all about family gatherings, pool parties, waiting hubby to come home in his Porsche and doing nothing for the rest of their lives, because hubby brings the paycheck. However, these women are often times the most emotionally unstable and neurotic types. That's because yeah, sitting around all day and depending on someone else's money all the time, isn't all fun ( whether you believe it or not ).

You only fantasize about others' lives, because you've never been in them.
You have a preconceived idea about how a man's or a woman's life is and instead of going out in the world, you just live in your own head, pretending you already "know the answers" anyway, so you don't have to go out, but you're wrong. The irony is that a person would rather live in a delusion than to admit that he's wrong. The older people get, the more this is exacerbated, because the more the time passes, the more you don't want to face that you're wrong about something, because if you admit it, then you have to own that you lived all the past years in a delusion and this is something people don't like to realize about themselves, although one of the biggest gifts of our minds is our ability to assess our mistaken past self and to create the new.
The only question is whether you want to wake up at 40, having the same cynical attitude toward life, having the same acidic feeling in your stomach and having the same weighed-down spirit that you're having right now.

 

[Danbo1957]

 

[Big Bad Byron]

post some pics, maybe your future mate is online and posting here right now!

 

[Stagg737]

All of this is true but it still doesn't explain how much easier women have it. They can have all the negative qualities you listed, but as long as they're not obese they will get some guy because he is horny and he'll take what he can get. If you don't believe me, look at online dating. I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just trying to reassure the thread creator that she will be okay.

And as long as a guy is making doctor money, they can have all those negative qualities and they'll still get plenty of women. Being shallow or having low standards isn't unique to the male sex.

That sounds like a hook-up, not a relationship. Sorry, but not all ugly, skinny women are assured a marriage. And not all obese women are ignored.
If you are crying that average looking guys don't stand a chance, then stand out in some other way. Be smart, funny, gracious. Not everyone I date is gorgeous, but they are all people that are worthy of my time since I have so little time to spare.

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For some people that's all a relationship is. I've met plenty of people who seem miserable with each other but when asked their response is "yea, but the sex is amazing". There's plenty of crappy marriages out there that seem miraculously endure because of the bedroom life. Plenty of men out there aren't looking for much more than a "hot" wife who's great in bed and plenty of women are just looking for someone with the bankroll to support the lifestyle they want.